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To have realised how much I take my DH for granted?

(8 Posts)
fuzzpigFriday Tue 07-Jun-11 07:22:45

I asked my DH why he didn't want to sleep with me. "Is it because you don't fancy me any more?" I knew the answer would be "don't be ridiculous, you know I do" because it always is... I thought he'd say it was stress or tiredness.

But he said yes. He doesn't find me remotely attractive. I've put on too much weight. I've let myself go, the depression I'm dealing with is not an excuse.

I've never seen him look like this before. I asked him why, then, is he always telling me how much he wants me, always cuddling and kissing me, he just shrugged. I guess he meant some sex was better than nothing. He was just using me until he found someone better.

I was about to cry but I didn't want to embarrass myself. So I just said "I don't want to be with someone so nasty, so you can leave" he replied "fine I'll go find someone younger and fitter then". He just didn't care. I wondered if it was some misguided joke but it wasn't. He'd just been lying that he even loved me, I don't know how long for. I'm trying not to care, I'm better off without him if that's what he's really like, right?

I walked away trying to keep my dignity but I'm devastated. Everything I believed in was false. My world has come crashing around my ears. I honestly thought this would never happen.

Then I woke up.

I have had all manner of scary dreams but this was by far the worst. It made me realise how I take everything for granted. I've only just stopped shaking enough to write this down. I'm too scared to move so I am huddled up in bed alone, so I'm writing this down just to get it out. I can't even give my DH a big cuddle as he's been downstairs with 1yo DS who woke in the night and they're finally asleep, bless them.

I think I'll be a wreck all day. And clingy. I'm going to show this post to DH when he wakes up because I don't think I can say the words out loud.

fedupofnamechanging Tue 07-Jun-11 07:42:03

What a horrible dream. Sometimes they are so real, it does make you feel quite strange for days. Go and give your DH a big hug, it will make you feel better.

tootooposh Tue 07-Jun-11 07:47:48

I am sooooo glad that was a dream! Sometimes it is a wake up call (no pun intended) having a dream like that. It sounds like your DH is lovely.

fuzzpigFriday Tue 07-Jun-11 07:56:34

He really is smile the men of the house are still asleep but my DD has come in for a cuddle so I feel a bit better!

TheBlindAssassin Tue 07-Jun-11 08:51:26

I hate to be the one to put a dampener on things fuzzpigFriday. The last time I had a dream like that, I woke up so angry and stayed angry the rest of the day (I doubt I even gave him a kiss goodbye that morning, that was just how realistic my nightmare was!). I told myself it was probably from spending way too much time on Mumsnet, dusted myself off, came home that evening and told DH how much I knew I took him for granted as a husband and father and that, even though things had not been perfect simply because I was working such intensive hours, I was going to put my effort into making them even better.

Two days later, I found out he was cheating on me. You could not have made it up if you'd tried!

To this day, I have no idea whether it was an intuition thing or just a spending too much time on Mumsnet and reading so many unhappy stories thing.

Don't really know what the moral of this is - I guess it's either spend less time on Mumsnet reading some of the immense sadness that we see on here (hard to do, though! I mean, look at me - I'm still on here a lot of the bloody time! grin ) or ask yourself if your gut is telling you something. I'd always scoffed in the past whenever people talked about their "gut instinct" or "sixth sense". I'm not so quick to do that now.

Or just ignore my obvious envy at you having a wonderful DH! grin

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 07-Jun-11 08:58:14

I'm with the Blind Assassin here... a scary dream for sure but it was really quite specific, no psychedelic teapots spinning around grinning cats kind of dream. Whilst it might have nothing whatsoever to do with your DH's behaviour in any way, perhaps your dreaming is something that is telling you yourself to take stock, make changes if you want to, now rather than later.

I don't know whether it's gut instinct or sixth sense or something else... but for me, some dreams are not dreams as such but a kick up the bum with my subconscious telling me to pay attention to a specific area or thing.

BerryLellow Tue 07-Jun-11 08:58:18

What an awful dream, I know how that feels. Perhaps instead of showing him the thread, you could start changing (if you feel you need to) now, and treat him how you think he should be? Make new habits, work out what you want your marriage to be and show him how much you love and value him?

fuzzpigFriday Tue 07-Jun-11 09:19:37

shock how awful, TBA sad

I've actually had a lot of dreams about him being awful to me. And he has similar ones about me. We always talk about it, and agree that it's it's because we can't believe how lucky we are to have each other, in an unconscious way. We were both abused in childhood and have low self esteem so it's like on some level we don't feel we deserve each other.

The dreams are always - including today - followed by cuddles in the morning and telling each other not to be so siwwy blush silly.

I do very much take the point about making changes. This was the first dream like this where the problem has been with ME, not just DH being horrible or acting like my uncle (the one who abused me). In the dream I knew that even though he was being superficial, it was my fault and he was right that I'd not made enough effort, and in a way part of my anger at him was actually meant for me.

I think that's what my dream meant. Things have been stressful lately, I've increased my ADs, and I really have 'let myself go' - DH hasn't mentioned it at all, that's what I mean about taking him for granted - he still for some reason fancies the pants off me. But I've noticed. And until now I didn't really care, I just want to comfort eat and laze around and wallow in the stress, but the dream is telling me I should change things now.

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