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Husband adamant stepdad be called something else- am i bad not to feel as strongly?

(123 Posts)
bess1010 Mon 06-Jun-11 20:43:11

Basically my husband and I wanted his father to be "Grandad" and my father "grandpa", and my step-father "Grandpa-James" (ie Grandpa follwed by his first name). We told them all this when we announced I was pregnant.

Once we'd had our baby my step father changed his mind and said he wants to be called "Grandad-James". My husband is furious and wants me to stand by him for us to MAKE him change it to "Grandpa-James" and can't understand why I am uncomfortable to support him all the way.

I just think it's such an insignificant thing to worry about in the greater scheme of things. Plus we've both made it clear that we'd prefer "Grandpa-James" and my stepdad says he doesn't like the name Grandpa, so what more can we do??

Now my husband is furious I won't stand by him and tell my step dad he's "Grandpa-James" whether he likes it or not. He says it's fine to tell him what to be called as he's an honorary Grandparent. We've both tried to talk to my stepdad a year ago but with no luck. and my husband is really annoyed with the whole issue and that i haven't done anything about it since then.

Am I being unreasonable to not stand by my husband?

pipsqueak Mon 06-Jun-11 20:46:10

it seems a bit of an odd thing to get worked up about but perhaps i have missed the point...hope you resolve it though

Naetha Mon 06-Jun-11 20:46:19

I think your husband's being a bit of a twonk tbh.

Why should it be him that decides who gets called grandad or grandpa?

We let our own parents choose rather assigning names for them. You name your children, NOT your parents.

basingstoke Mon 06-Jun-11 20:46:37

Why does your husband feel so strongly about it?

TidyDancer Mon 06-Jun-11 20:46:48

I think your DH is being a bit of a twat and your DC will call him his own name over time anyway.

Does DH have a history of childish behaviour?

create Mon 06-Jun-11 20:46:56

Why does it matter so much to your DH?

JustShootMeAlready Mon 06-Jun-11 20:47:15

Seriously? Eh, bigger picture anyone?

Both men are being incredibly childish. Tell them both to grow up, sort it out, and let you know when they've come to a decision.

miserymoo Mon 06-Jun-11 20:47:19


The phrase 'mountain out of a molehill' springs to mind. Your H needs to grow up.

buzzsore Mon 06-Jun-11 20:47:24

Er, no, it's ridiculous. He should be allowed to adopt whatever name he likes.

And I don't like your dh being so dismissive of your stepdad as if he's a lesser grandparent because he's not a blood relative. That's pretty horrible. My stepdad is a bloody ace grandparent.

Gay40 Mon 06-Jun-11 20:48:07

I don't really understand what the big problem is. We allowed DD to make up her own names for her grandparents as it seemed more natural.

DirtyMartini Mon 06-Jun-11 20:49:12

How confusing.

Why can't each grandparent just be called what he/she pleases? Ours (including my dad and my stepdad and DP's dad) are all Grandpa First Name but in practice they all just get called Grandpa. No biggie. Most people I knew growing up had more than one gp called Grandpa or Grandma, and it wasn't unduly confusing.

I think it is a bit odd for the parents to get upset about what the gps are called. What's behind all the tension - surely more to it than just the names, if your husband is "really annoyed"?

moanymandy Mon 06-Jun-11 20:49:21

Personally I cannot unserstand what his problem is? Suely your stepdad chooses what he wants to be called as he is the one that is going to be called it iyswim??

When I was pregnant I ASKED the grandparents what they want to be called, and they chose their own names.

So no yanbu!

Wormshuffler Mon 06-Jun-11 20:49:31

Could you have a Grandad, a Gramps and a Grandpa?

FellatioNelson Mon 06-Jun-11 20:50:24

Did he grow up calling his mum's dad Grandpa and his Dad's dad Grandad? Because I did, and it always made sense to me to do the same with my children. My mil (DH's step-mum) asked nicely if she could known as Grandma rather than Nanna, because her natural grandchildren all called her Grandma, but I said no! To me, Grandma was my mum, and my mum only. She was fine about it - but 18 years later I think I was being a bit precious, and what harm would it have done? My kids end up getting in a muddle and calling her Grandma half the time anyway!

cobweb1979 Mon 06-Jun-11 20:51:01

One of the (many) things my parents and parents-in-law loved about becoming grandparents was deciding what they wanted to be called. IMO it is up to them!

Eglu Mon 06-Jun-11 20:52:33

I take it is because his father is going to be Grandad. It is not going totake away from that at all. And I think forcing a name on somebody is wrong, Grandparents should be the name they want as long as it isn't loopy.

MrsCampbellBlack Mon 06-Jun-11 20:52:54

You know the more grandparents a child has to love them the better surely.

What they're called is just irrelevant really.

Mamaz0n Mon 06-Jun-11 20:53:08

I think that you are both over thinking it.

When baby comes names will just work their way out.

Pancakeflipper Mon 06-Jun-11 20:54:01

Why all the fuss? Is there some history here?
My kids call their step-grandfather Grandpa. He picked it.

Pandemoniaa Mon 06-Jun-11 20:54:32

I don't think it's a battle worth fighting. I can quite understand your DH having a preference but he's daft to get so irate about something he has no right to insist on.

As it happens, my dp (stepgrandfather) is "Grandpa Hisname", my son's father is "Grandad" and my DIL's father is also a Grandad. It hasn't caused us any grief and neither has anyone been told what they are to be known as. Because actually, so far as my baby dgd is concerned she'll just be happy to have all these doting grandparents - she won't care what they are called!

usualsuspect Mon 06-Jun-11 20:54:59

It all sounds a bit of a drama

Just let them be called what they want

megapixels Mon 06-Jun-11 20:55:00

You discussed all this and made decisions before even announcing you were pregnant? confused You are both overthinking this, the baby will choose which of the two names James is going to be called.

Hullygully Mon 06-Jun-11 20:55:51

I have never ever heard anything like it. What kind of wife are you? You should be ashamed. That poor man.

StewieGriffinsMom Mon 06-Jun-11 20:56:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ballstoit Mon 06-Jun-11 20:56:09


I went along with what the nieces and nephews each side called the grandparents...think it would have been very confusing for my nephews to call my mum Grandma and my DC to call her Nanna IMO.

Have just asked my sister, and am informed that my parents (well, my mum I guess!) chose what they wanted to be called.

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