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Not invited

(43 Posts)
amIbeingdaft Mon 06-Jun-11 19:55:35

I have worked at my current place for nearly 10 years, and I get on well with most people there.
I have a colleague who is getting married. We're not best friends or anything, but I thought we were friends. We used to be a lot closer than we are now, but he got promoted, I went on maternity leave, and our paths don't cross as much. However when we do see each other, we get on well. A couple of months ago, I asked how the wedding plans were going and we chatted about it for a while. During this conversation, he said that he was inviting the whole department to the evening do. I said I'd look forward to it.
So now, the invitations have gone out and I haven't received one. I feel really hurt. I wouldn't mind if he had only invited close friends, but he's invited people who I thought were less close to him than I am.

So two questions:
1)AIBU to think that not inviting me after saying he would is rude?
2)Should I say anything to him?

I'm going crazy second guessing what I may have done to upset him, but I feel that questioning it is really not the done thing. Any ideas from you sensible MN people?

Pumpster Mon 06-Jun-11 19:56:49

It might be a mistake. Say to him 'oy, where's my invite?'

TheOriginalFAB Mon 06-Jun-11 19:56:58

do nothing,

squeakytoy Mon 06-Jun-11 19:58:11

Were you there when the invites were given out?

TheRhubarb Mon 06-Jun-11 20:00:23

Perhaps his new wife to be is just a little jealous of her boyfriend inviting female friends to their wedding?
I would hand him a card next time you see him and wish him luck with the wedding. If it was a mistake he'll ask why you aren't going, but these things are rarely mistakes. I wouldn't embarrass him by demanding to know why you aren't invited. It sucks but as your paths hardly cross anyway I'd just tick him off your friends list and make sure you treat yourself that day to a night out.

amIbeingdaft Mon 06-Jun-11 20:00:33

He's gone round and found people individually to give them invitations. And it was over a month ago, so if it was a mistake it would have been sorted by now. I really want to know why I'm not invited, but I really don't want to ask iyswim.

amIbeingdaft Mon 06-Jun-11 20:02:31

Rhubarb, erm...due to incompatible sexualities, the jealousy thing really isn't an issue!

BehindLockNumberNine Mon 06-Jun-11 20:05:43

Has he actually invited the whole department though? I know he said he was going to, but has he actually done so or have money/numbers resulted in only his closest colleagues getting an invitation?

katvond Mon 06-Jun-11 20:05:44

Ask him but if you don't you'll never know
Or maybe he just doesn't want you there

squeakytoy Mon 06-Jun-11 20:06:02

Well if I were you, I would speak to someone you know has been invited, and ask them to have a quiet word with wedding boy, and mention to him has he realised he didnt invite you... I honestly think it was probably an oversight and completely accidental.

amIbeingdaft Mon 06-Jun-11 20:07:57

'Or maybe he just doesn't want you there'

Well, that's a bit of a given, katvond. I'm wondering why.

Behindlocknumbernine- no, he hasn't. But as I say, he's invited people who he knows 'less well' than me.

Icelollycraving Mon 06-Jun-11 20:08:02

Definately don't say anything,weddings are always tricky when inviting people from work. If he has invited absolutely every single person except for you then yanbu for being upset,if he went round giving invites to some people then I guess you had grown apart.

TheRhubarb Mon 06-Jun-11 20:10:47

Perhaps he views your friendship differently? Maybe you thought you were closer than he did, he obviously thinks the friendship has run its course and the invites reflect that. Has he invited other women from the dept or are they mostly men?

amIbeingdaft Mon 06-Jun-11 20:12:31

No, they're all women!
I think you're both right, Icelolly and rhubarb, but it still hurts to be excluded. sad

LoopyLoopsBettyBoops Mon 06-Jun-11 20:13:21

Maybe his fiancee or her family are homophobic and he's worried they might be rude (if I'm understanding that correctly?)

katvond Mon 06-Jun-11 20:15:33

Amibeingdaft he probably said she could come face to face then when he dud the invites decided not to invite her. I can't guess his reasons
We all say we like someone at work when deepdown they annoy the fuck out of us.

TheRhubarb Mon 06-Jun-11 20:16:42

Oh well, a breezy "have a lovely time at the wedding, wish I was there!" comment next time you pass him will make the point. Perhaps you should round up the others who aren't invited and go on a night out of your own!

gapants Mon 06-Jun-11 20:18:06

OP just thinking out loud here...

Could he be thinking you would not be able to attend as you have a young family, or that maybe he is having a dreaded NO KIDS ALLOWED wedding and so is not inviting you to side step the whole issue?

I would say nothing...hard as that is, I think manners dictate it. Sorry. I would be itching to know why too.

amIbeingdaft Mon 06-Jun-11 20:18:08

Loopyloops, in order to preserve my anonymity I've changed a couple of details, as I have a colleague on here and I'd hate to be found out. But I can be sure that that's not the reason. Sorry, I really hope that doesn't make me look like a troll.

Thanks for all the advice so far. I was half expecting to be flamed and told to get over it!

Does anyone think I should bring it up? Any suggestions that will help preserve my dignity?

TheRhubarb Mon 06-Jun-11 20:19:18

Nope. Just a card to him and wish him all the best. If you pry you'll only make an awkward situation even more awkward.

Earlybird Mon 06-Jun-11 20:23:52

Are you still part of the same department, or did he move to a different department when promoted?

And someone asked earlier - are you sure you're the only one left out?

Icelollycraving Mon 06-Jun-11 20:24:42

There is nothing to be gained from trying to work out the reasons. We sometimes make the mistake of assuming colleagues are friends. Book something lovely for that day so when people talk about it,you can tell them about yr own lovely weekend without a sausage roll in sight smile

MadamDeathstare Mon 06-Jun-11 20:25:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoopyLoopsBettyBoops Mon 06-Jun-11 20:26:44

Fair enough amI.

Just grin and bear it. I understand why you're upset, but there's not a lot you can do I'm afraid.

risingstar Mon 06-Jun-11 20:30:12

he may have been limited to numbers and thought that you were less likely to mind?

take the high ground= send him an email saying that you understand that he couldnt invite everyone, but is he up for a celebratory drink before?

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