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To be overly worried about my daughter being left out?

(17 Posts)
pinklaydee Mon 06-Jun-11 17:16:24

Yes, I am being over anxious, I know! But this is weighing on my mind. My DD is five, in primary one, and is a lovely, sociable girl. She really looks up to another girl in her class. However, I have noticed that the other girl excludes my daughter when she asks to play. She told me that this girl has started a "cool" club, and she told my DD that she wasn't allowed to be in it. My DD said that she just plays with other children and didn't seem bothered by it. There are a couple of other girls I have noticed who won't let her play either.
I was very shy at school, and had few friends, so I am probably being over-sensitive. Obviously I am biased, but my DD is a really nice and caring wee girl.
I'm friendly with this girl's mum, should I mention it or not?

JoySzasz Mon 06-Jun-11 17:19:19

I would invite some of those little girls to play perhaps?

They can all get to know each other in a different setting.

pippop1 Mon 06-Jun-11 17:19:36

I think if your DD is not bothered by it then you really shouldn't mention it to the other Mum. Your DD has other people to play with so you don't need to worry.

worraliberty Mon 06-Jun-11 17:38:13

If she's not bothered by it and plays with other children, I wouldn't worry about it.

Some kids just take a dislike to other kids and when they do, they're told to ignore them rather than pick on them/argue with them.

So as much as it's not very nice, this girl has a right not to like/play with your DD.

I'd ask her who she does play with and see if she wants to invite them over.

Pancakeflipper Mon 06-Jun-11 17:42:04

Don't focus on this child. Focus on the children your daughter is playing with. She's not ousted on her own, there's other children also not in the cool gang.

The exclusive club will tire of Miss BossyBoots and play with whom they like playing with - eventually.

juicyfruitqueen Mon 06-Jun-11 17:46:58

If its not bothering your dd too much, I'd let it be.

Sometimes we can make a big issue out of a new game, friendships, etc., at this age, and parents get involved, etc. The following week, the children have moved on, and we parents remain at loggerheads.

I'd keep a cautious eye on this from a distance.

If you are friendly with the 'cool' kids club leader, then maybe invite mum and daughter to yours for tea?

wotnochocs Mon 06-Jun-11 18:06:11

No of course not.You can't force this girl to like your DD

LIZS Mon 06-Jun-11 18:08:48

Advise her to find another friend to paly with. tbh it only gets worse so better to have a wioder circle avaialble (dd has this still in Year 5 sad ) Maybe they;d still egt on oenot one but don't force it.

Portofino Mon 06-Jun-11 18:19:12

Little girls start to get cliquey around this age. I wouldn't make a big thing about it, just explain that it's the way things are, soon it will be her in the cool club and someone else left out. I told dd that she should always be kind and thoughtful with regards to others and not worry about "clubs"

MadamDeathstare Mon 06-Jun-11 18:42:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

needanewname Mon 06-Jun-11 18:45:37

Really try not to get involved, you won';t always be there to fight her battles. Let her know how to deal with the situation, like playing with other friends instead.

My DD1 had this, and I agree its very common at this age, she now has no problems with friends at school.

troisgarcons Mon 06-Jun-11 18:48:46

Look at this way! You daughter is an individual, quite capapble of choosing who she wants to play with, where as 'Miss Cool' has to invent a club and coerce people to join. Probably born out of some insecurity or another.

Girls, sadly are quite bitchy little creatures, boys are so much more transparent and don't have that psychological edge for concentrated 'bullying'.

Quiet word in teh teachers ear - even at this age things can escalate.

Although I wouldn't deem it 'bullying'.... people (even children) do have a right to play with or socialise with who they like and want to socialise with.

Similarly, as much as we love our children, some of them have personality traits that make them thoroughly dislikable or irritating. We all want our children to be popular, and witty and academic and caring and a whole host of other attributes - but of course life isn't like that.

pinklaydee Tue 07-Jun-11 14:06:55

Thanks so much everyone for your fab advice - I really needed someone to put it into perspective for me. I'll focus on the kids that she plays with from now on. Thanks again wine

mum765 Tue 07-Jun-11 14:46:41

My DD's in reception at the moment and there's a lot of this going on. She kept trying to play with a boy who was playing hot and cold with her - one minute her best friend, the next being nasty. I have managed to divert her onto another friend and been gently explaining about choosing friends who are nice to her / like doing the same things as she does. It seems to be working. Although in some respects I agree it's probably better not to interfere, sometimes a helping hand can really change things.

Toughasoldboots Tue 07-Jun-11 14:57:30

I do think that it is bullying if the leader is encouraging other classmates not to play with your dd. I don't believe that one child should be controlling who gets to play games with others.

I seem to be in the minority but I would want this nipped in the bud, five year olds still need steering in the right direction.

swash Tue 07-Jun-11 15:04:30

Yes I would mention to the teacher (not the mother!)My friend's DD had this club thing in her school and it got quite nasty. Best to bring it up right now.

MumblingRagDoll Tue 07-Jun-11 15:05:52

Second learn a lot about how your own DD interacts and you can pick out the little buggers who are mean....then encourage your child away from them in the future.

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