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To want my dc to be treated the same as exp's other children?

(5 Posts)
manicmummyonadietcokebreak Mon 06-Jun-11 14:50:27

ok, long story! My exp and I broke up on due date of dc3 now 3 mnths, I kicked him out, but he was having an affair and making my life as hard as possible sad any way, I have been letting him stay over every other weekend to spend time with the kids and so the kids feel not much has changed and we have been very civil in front of dc, but he is only paying a 3rd of what he should be paying, and I have had to involve the csa as I'm struggling financially as he left me with debts. But, he has two older kids aged 17 & 18 that he pays more than he should for, and has never missed a payment and I payed the maintenance for when he was out of work for a few mnths, and I never complained, until now, as they have had a very good upbringing and my dd1 has had to go to school in shoes with the sole hanging of while I payed for there 3d tv! He hasnt even brought dc3 a nappy let alone a buggy, my family had to. I'm struggling with pnd and am think of suicide every day and my son has been acting up at night, so I asked him to have. Him at his house for a few days as ds was begging to see him, and I couldn't afford to feed or have exp stay again, he said no, he's not looking after them!
We have ALWAYS had his other kids every other weekend scinse they were 3 &4 (when we got together) except when I had an op and begged him to let me have some time with out them, for which I was called evil and a bitch for not letting him see there siblings! And when they were little when ever his ex said she had had enough, we took them.
Any way It came to a head on Thursday when I posted on a social network site about loving my kids, and exp posted, a comment and I retaliated saying all I want is my kids to be treated the way his other two have always been eg money and them staying with him, like my ds wants.. His ex then added to it (through her sons profile, as we are not friends on there) and it got very nasty, I called he a big mouth and she said that I have never worked a day in my life ( false! I have not worked scinse ds was born (now 3) as I was sacked during my pregnancy) and I have had to do lowly jobs as my exp wouldn't allow me to finish my degree when we move in together.and she acussed me of using him as a sperm doner!? She also mentioned mental health issues I had had, that were just between me and him! And said me and the kids are going to have nothing to do with her kids and I will have to explain to my 3 why they are not allowed anything to do with there brother and sister as it's all my doing sad I have had to delete my profile as I was being attacked ect from his family who have never liked me, I was never good enough for him any way sad
I feel not only abandoned by him but by the dc, who I have treated as my own for the last 12/13 years.I even forgave his son punching my stomach when I was pregnant with dd1. AIBU to want my kids treated the same as his other kids?

BabyDubsEverywhere Mon 06-Jun-11 14:55:30

Not got time to reply, but i think you should ask for this to be moved to RELATIONSHIPS, you should be able to get genuine advice there, more so the AIBU anyway.

For the record, of course YANBU. Your ex is a tosser, but you are on the first step to moving on, you're not with him any more, time to rebuild. smile

chicletteeth Mon 06-Jun-11 15:00:42

He's a dick, but I guess at this stage, you need to see what the CSA do; hopefully it will be in your favour.

And stop allowing him to stay overnight at weekends, because it has changed. It has changed a lot.

chicletteeth Mon 06-Jun-11 15:01:37

I agree with babydubs this is in the wrong place and of course YANBU

Icelollycraving Mon 06-Jun-11 15:05:09

I agree about moving this from aibu. Some of the support on relationships can be extremely helpful whereas this board is a little brutal at times.
Have you got anyone to talk to about all of this in rl?
Do you have any support with the pnd,suicidal thoughts etc?
Please call someone.
Fb is the devil at times,don't reinstate your account,it can be very hard to stay away from. Continue with csa,he needs to pay,end of. Take some time away from contact with him,certainly don't allow him to stay. That must send a very mixed message to everyone.

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