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to apologise for gatecrashing?

(3 Posts)
notsureaboutetiquette Mon 06-Jun-11 00:20:45

there is a place a group of us mums and dads and kids go on a friday, there is a park closeby and playground outside food place where kids play while adults eat. usually, whoever comes, comes. so numbers vary.

place is near friend's house so we often meet there before or go after to her place for coffee and hang out. sometimes we get takeaway and eat at hers.

vague arrangement with friend to do same last week, see whoever is free. texted friend on day but she said no, cant do, we having X , Y and Z and their DC round but Z as you know been sick and we need to limit numbers they wont come if there are too many children, too much noise so cannot invite you. i said ok no worries.

on day I pick up my DC from playscheme where they been with X's DD. so mine say X's DD says we going to the usual place, let's go. everyone is going. I say well no - the others staying in. my DC say no that's not what she said. why cant we go? I say look, we can go ourselves anyway, they might come across to pick up takeaway but Z been ill, cant have many around, bla bla.

so we get to park and I go and book a table for me and DC. few minutes later friend plus X Y Z and all the DC come, friend looks at me weird. kids run off to play.

I say hi we got our table for later I guess you getting takeaway for home so is quieter for Z. she says oh no is fine for Z to come out. but we needed less numbers of kids to keep noise down. I begin to say but you cant control noise in restaurant....anyway whatever. we booked but not a problem you get your table. we got ours.

friend discusses with X, they go and combine tables with us... kids all happy, Z seems fine, ...friend invites us to her place after....but i feel awful now. like I wasn't wanted and was a gate crasher.

but can you gatecrash by turning up at usual regular place? it public place not private.

should I talk to friend and apologise?

was I not supposed to go near there?

friend had implied they were staying in to be quiet -when all along they had planned to eat there but did not want us to go with? do I smell/did I do something I not aware of? should I ask?

AgentZigzag Mon 06-Jun-11 00:47:22

You've said yourself, it was a public place where you went regularly, so I can't see how your friend could have thought otherwise.

Perhaps Z had said they wanted it quieter if they weren't feeling up to it, but plans changed on the day.

The last bit of your OP is a negative interpretation, they needn't have combined tables, if they didn't that could have been seen as a snub.

And they invited you round, again, they could have not asked you with the reasoning that they only bumped into you.

I wouldn't ask, and it looks to me like they were being friendly and inclusive.

You have to presume everyone's OK with you unless it's a fact that they're not, easy for me to say though smile

lisad123 Mon 06-Jun-11 00:55:37

so how many normally come? Was it only you that was left out?

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