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AIBU?

oh fuck

14 replies

pinktransit · 05/06/2011 21:41

I have had enough of being the strong one, of dealing with everyone elses shit, of being the voice of reason.
I want to stop. I want to walk out into the rain and not come back.
I've just had a screaming match with my daughter, where we both agree that neither of us understand the other. She thinks that her life is hard, and I'm sure that from her perspective that it is. However, she's not the one paying the bills.
I really, really want to stop the world for a week or two.

OP posts:

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katvond · 05/06/2011 21:52

OP have a large glass of wine, sit down and if you want to cry your heart out, works wonders for me.
I'm sure the misunderstanding will be over in the morning

thumbwitch · 05/06/2011 21:54

Been there (without the teen DD) so many times.
Much sympathy but there's really nothing I can offer you except the wine, some chocolate, some trash tv and sleep.

And maybe ship your DD off to a relative's for a while, if possible.

Sharney · 05/06/2011 21:56

So sorry that you're feeling so alone. I'm sure your daughter is just one of many problems but like the rest of them they are, eventally, solvable. At risk of sound twee may I say, In the bible it says "and it came to pass" it never says and it came to stay. Also, Don't sweat the small stuff. I was a horrid teen but now, years later, my mum and I are the best of friends. I' ve noticed that mothers groups are generally thought of as mums and babies. What about a mothers group for teens! With copious amounts of wine instead of tea. Good luck and don't forget to breath.

PhishFoodAddiction · 05/06/2011 21:57

I know the feeling. I sometimes wish I could fall into a coma and sleep for a few weeks until things get better. It's a scary feeling.

If you need a good cry then go for it- try and let it out.

Do you feel depressed a lot of the time or this feeling just triggered by this incident?

How old is your DD? Someone with older children maight be able to advise you on how to get the communication going between you without it turning into a row.

For now just take some time and do something comforting. Have a very un-MNetty hug too.

pinktransit · 05/06/2011 21:58

An overindulgance of wine may have been the trigger point this evening, so I won't have any more....
I really hate my parenting skills (or lack thereof) this evening. She is fine, I am not. Ho hum

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thumbwitch · 05/06/2011 22:00

Is it worth going and having a little chat then? Just saying "sorry I flew off the handle, we'll talk about it in the morning when we're both less tired and emotional, I do love you, goodnight" and see how it goes. I know it's a bit trite but sometimes there's a reason for clichés.

katvond · 05/06/2011 22:03

Sorry pink didnt realise, and dont put yourself down, we all think we are rotten parents at times and want to give up, but we always carry on regardless. You'll be just fine. I was the same with my mom I'm sure she hated me all my life as all we did was row, the thing was we were similar that's why we clashed, we did love each other to bits.

Salmotrutta · 05/06/2011 22:06

pinktransit - if I had a pound for the number of times I felt like the world's worst parent after dealing with a pair of teens I'd be very rich.
They can twist you in knots then swan off as if nothing happened, leaving you feeling like crap.
Thankfully, they mature.

pinktransit · 05/06/2011 22:07

She's 21. We have survived many arguments, it's just tonight that I don't want to do it any more. I am a mess of wine and hormones and I'm tired.
She really screamed at me - told me that she's tried to kill herself and that I don't understand how hard life is. I DO understand - I know that life is hard, and that it's not fair.
I shouted back at her. At her age, I had two children and an abusive husband. I can't compare my life and hers, they are different. I don't want her to know the things that I found out the hard way.
I would still quite like to stop the world though.

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snailoon · 05/06/2011 22:11

Do you have a really good friend to talk to? It is horrible to feel misunderstood.
I find reading my old favourite children's books comforting.
Is there anything you can cancel or get out of that will make you feel like you have a breathing space?
I think a lot of us have felt this way and probably do understand (not that that is very helpful).
Good luck

snailoon · 05/06/2011 22:14

Sorry I didn't see your later posts when I wrote before. I really hope you (and she) feel better soon.

pinktransit · 05/06/2011 22:18

Thank you all for the advice and hugs. Much appreciated :)
I have apologised to her. And she has apologised too. But there was still a lot said that needs to be gone over at some point. Not tonight though.

Reading a favourite book is a great idea - it's soothing and comforting. x

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PhishFoodAddiction · 05/06/2011 22:24

Ah, maybe things will feel a bit better in the morning pink .

I hope your DD is getting enough support if she has attempted suicide.

Just an idea (may be a crap one, so feel free to ignore) but would it help if you both wrote down some of the things you're feeling misunderstood about and then read them alone? It takes some of the heat of the situation, no-one can interrupt and twist things, and you both may come to understand the other's point of view. It may be a way of finding out if your DD feels she needs more support, and for you to say what you need help with from her.

Good luck, and I really hope a good sleep will bring you a bit of peace.

Salmotrutta · 05/06/2011 22:24

Ah, sorry - assumed she was a teenager.
I hope you can talk to her when you are both feeling calmer. Trouble is young people at that sort of age do tend to think their parents don't know anything
What is that phrase? Something about:
"When I was 16 my parents knew nothing. By the time I was 25 I was amazed at how much they'd learnt."
Or words to that effect - you get the gist I'm sure

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