Make up(6 Posts)
my 2 dd's have just come back from their usual sat overnight and Sunday with my ex partner. As usual they have cone back with a stack of gifts, an umbrella for the 2 yr old, new trainers, moshi monster mag and cards, and toy make up for the 5 yr old. It makes me really angry that he is constantly buying them stuff they don't need. An ubrella?? Trainers when she already has 7 pairs of shoes which include 2 pairs of trainers and a pair of baseball boots, most of which he bought. Yesterday I took her to the shop so that she could buy her own cards with her pocket money which she was delighted with, and make up? Maybe I am a bit oldfashioned, but I think 5 is just too young! When I commented on this his answer was 'she wanted it' doesn't he know how to say no? When will he stop spoiling them? (we have only been split for 5 months) why can't he ask what they need if he really wants to spend money on them instead of just buy anything???? They are being bought stuffy twice a week when the see him, and it is pretty much every time they get something else, toys, clothes, shoes..... is this likely to have any lasting effect on the way they view belongings and things in the future? He buys all the time, and constantly had financial issues because of it, I tend to buy when needed and treats of a material kind are few and far between (with three kids and part time work cash has to be carefully watched). Does anyone else have experience of this kind of thing? Am I just being silly?
I would bite my tongue and let it go.
Do you consult him every time you buy them something?
Toy make up is what most little girls love, and is usually very inexpensive.
The important thing is that your children enjoy their time with their dad, which it sounds like they do.
You are no longer together, what you buy is your business and what he buys is his, unless wildly inappropriate. If the stuff gets to much then they can keep some of it at his.
Things may change as they get older and he wants to plan days out and holidays etc.
Experience from the child's point of view. Parent divorced and I wish my dad had cared enough to buy a few presents. He didn't and stopped seeing me altogether after only 2 years post divorce. It was and still is hard to understand.
My mum was very bitter and continuously criticised everything he did and had done and actively wanted me to spy on him at weekend visits. The were not on speaking terms and I was used as messenger and each tried to weedle out information about the other fOr the divorce courts by interrogating me.
I think your ex isn't trying to make you feel bad in any way. He is just happy to see his children and spend time. As your split was recent he may also be feeling guilt towards them hence extra presents.
And don't forget how children can be about asking for stuff. In most circumstances you can see thru it but it may be your exs new role as weekend dad is clouding his judgement slightly. Hence the presents.
I wish my dad had cared enough to feel any such remorse. In fact i wish my parents had behaved better and not entered into petty squabbling.
I am sure your ex will adjust soon as stop overdoing the presents. And as for the make up purchase- he probably has no idea it isn't totally age appropriate.
I wouldn't jump in too quick and start reprimanding him regarding this. You all need time to heal and adjust.
Totally understand where you're coming from with your concern over how much 'stuff' he's buying them, but YABU really.
I'd be happy that there wasn't something much more serious to be concerned about; dad buying his DDs (possibly) inappropriate and excessive gifts isn't a biggie in my eyes. You could be here asking what to do about your girls not wanting to see their dad, or him not wanting anything to do with them.
Thanks. Nice to get a bit of perspective. I totally don't expect him to consult me on purchases ( though intend to talk to him prior to birthdays and Christmas to make sure we don't double up).
I did comment that I thought she was a bit young for make up, and it is the first time I have said anything other than 'isn't that great and lucky you' and other such cheery comments to the girls when they tell me about all of the things he has got them, btu then dropped it, and really there would be totally no point as he never listened to me before when I commented on him constantly buying them stuff when we didn't have the money, he certainly won't listen to me now!
I'm glad he takes them places and does fun stuff with them because it is really the best thing for them, I find it so difficult some times because my son who was 2 when we got together and is now 14 is not included in any of the contact and understandably really struggles when they come home with tales of where they have been and everything he has bought for them, sibling jealousy isn't in it sometimes.
So far we have pretty much avoided bickering, and hopefully that will continue and if he is setting himself up for future angst by spoiling them rotten, he will have to deal with that himself in the future.
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