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Lost and don’t know what to do.

(12 Posts)
PinkM0nkey Sun 05-Jun-11 19:14:04

Hi all I’m new here and this is my first post so please be genital with me.
I’m having an awful time of it, 4 weeks ago found out I was pregnant. Told my partner he said he didn’t want it. We have only been together for 7 months and I had a coil fitted so thought we were covered. In any case we didn’t talk about it for 2 or 3 weeks, when we did he’s adamant he’s breaking up with me and doesn’t want this baby. I’m now 10 weeks and have lots of time to sort things out. Fortunately I have a well paid job and can manage financially.
The parts I’m struggling with are all the lone hospital appointments, labour on my own, visits to mid wife’s etc....... yes I have many friends but that not how it should be. In addition to this 2 weeks after we broke up he said he’s getting used to the idea and he wants to be part of the baby’s life, I’m confused he doesn’t want a baby but he’ll be part of its life, in my state of hormonal confusion and hurt by him, my response was you either want this baby or not. I’m not allowing you to come and go as you see fit, seeing our baby around your cushy life, enjoying the fun parts only and when you don’t have your other child (he has a 3 year old, who he has every weekend).

Am I being unreasonable in my thinking? I know it’s still very early days and things can change, but I can’t see it.

Thanks for reading and any advice you may have.


belledechocchipcookie Sun 05-Jun-11 19:20:32

Take the ex out of the equation and then sit and think about what you want. It's your body, you're the one who will carry it and give birth to it. I know it's confusing and it is crap being pregnant and doing it all yourself but it's your child. You have to do what's right for you. Your ex won't have a cushy life whether you decide to carry on with the pregancy or not.

PinkM0nkey Sun 05-Jun-11 19:23:00

Thanks for your reply. I'm definitely having the baby. i'm just confused by him and how to deal with him going forward.

troisgarcons Sun 05-Jun-11 19:25:44

He's had a gut reaction and panicked. I don't suppose any bloke likes to find out he's going to be a father when it's not planned.

Whether he likes it or not he is going to be a father and he's financially responsible.

But he's had time to adjust and realise that he is going to be a father and get his head round that and he'll actually probably be the best father he can be. how is he with his previous 3yo child?

fit2drop Sun 05-Jun-11 19:27:26

He needed time (like most people) to get used to the idea. He has and wants to be part of the babys life. So he should. And the baby deserves to have him in his/her life too..You cannot make that decision. This baby when born will be the responsibility of both of you. Christ , theres enough jerkoffs out there who dont want to be part of thier offsprings life, Dont knock this fella because he wants to be part of his childs life .

belledechocchipcookie Sun 05-Jun-11 19:29:36

He's probably confused himself. Midwife appointments are dull, he doesn't need to be there as you're in and out in a few minutes. Otherwise it's up to you. My ex was invited to the scan, he didn't show up. I told him what day I was being induced but I had 2 friends there with me, not him. He came to see ds a few days later. Don't listen to your hormones, they are all over the place. It's best to be logical, tell him when the scans etc are but if he's not there then it's his loss.

My ex left when I was pregnant, he's never really been part of our son's life which is his loss because he's an amazing child.

Congratulations by the way smile

Fleurdebleurgh Sun 05-Jun-11 19:31:09

Please be genital?

Can i be a 10 incher.

PinkM0nkey Sun 05-Jun-11 19:32:27

Yes he's brilliant with his 3 year old, he's just made it clear that this baby will be fitted in around he's 3 year old and not along with. I do understand where he's coming from he's scared etc..... i guess i'm just hurting from his gut reaction, and that he wants no involvement until the baby is here.

I'm not knocking him i'm just trying to understand and work out whats best for the baby.

belledechocchipcookie Sun 05-Jun-11 19:35:42

He's leaving you to it by the sounds of it. I'd be pissed at him as well but he's still your baby's father, whether he supports you through the pregancy or not.

BimboNo5 Sun 05-Jun-11 19:38:29

LMAO Fleur

yukoncher Sun 05-Jun-11 19:40:11

Congratulations on your pregnancy.
You need to focus on yourself as possibly being a single mum to be honest.
Many men are useless during the whole pregnancy appointments and labour anyway, few of us are blessed.
I hired a Doula for myself in my last pregnancy. She was fantastic, supportive with everything to do with the lead up to the birth. She came straight out at 4am when I was in labour. She actually ended up delivering my baby when the midwives didn't arrive on time (had homebirth planned).
You can do it yourself.
Pleeeease don't put yourself through the stress of relying on this man for the birth or appointments.
You can do it. You can choose your own doula whoever you click with and they'll understand everything and be so assuring towards you. They 'll be on call for the entire month surrounding your due date, so will be with you when the time comes.
Also, my doula gave me the confidence to have a homebirth, which is what I really wanted to do, and it went fantastically. Midwives only gave out to cut the cord and weigh him andwe all stayed at home and carried on as normal, it was beautiful, no stress of an unfamiliar place during labour, no sleepness nights in hospital.

Google doula uk smile

belledechocchipcookie Sun 05-Jun-11 19:42:31

Oh, a doula's a great idea. I wish I'd have had one.

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