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to think the whole online dating thing is a waste of time for some people?

(21 Posts)
KittySpencer Sun 05-Jun-11 17:29:08

All these myriad dating sites, Match, E-harmony, Guardian Soulmates et al, I know there are lots of ever so happy couples as a result of meeting on there but then aren't there also a significant number for whom it's a total waste of time?

Or is it just me? smile

Lizcat Sun 05-Jun-11 17:33:25

Met and married DH this way 10 years ago before it was fashionable. Know two other couples who it has worked for.

Mummalish Sun 05-Jun-11 17:34:34

Probably the reason there are so many ever so happy couples who found love on internet sites, is because real life dating didn't work for them and it wasted their time.

HeavyHeidi Sun 05-Jun-11 17:42:40

there is no guarantee that you will find someone, online dating is no different from any other dating possibilities in this respect.

rookiemater Sun 05-Jun-11 17:43:20

I met my DH through online dating. I'm not a naturally gregarious person and find I am much more social in small groups or talking to just one person so other methods weren't working for me.

KittySpencer Sun 05-Jun-11 18:05:26

maybe it is just me then!

My experience has been that the men I 'attract' online are at best unattractive (whether in terms of looks, personality or other characteristics) or mostly just weird.

This is on several different sites BTW, so I feel I've given it a fair try....

rookiemater Sun 05-Jun-11 18:32:23

Have you posted a picture? - you won't get any decent men unless you do. Whats your profile like? I made mine slightly jokey and it seemed to work.
How many dates have you been on? What time of date do you arrange, I find that a drink was easiest so if you don't click you can both just jog on.

KittySpencer Sun 05-Jun-11 18:38:43

Yes, pictures on there. First profile I put on was picture free and never got any messages at all.

Most I've not got beyond a first email with. Have exchanged a series of emails with perhaps 8 or so, which led to dates with 4 of those. None of whom I had any interest in seeing again beyond that first date, and vice versa. Had any of the 4 approached me in RL, I wouldn't have given them the time of day.

It's quite depressing when 2 years of 'dating' actually boils down to the above!

rookiemater Sun 05-Jun-11 18:58:58

Well you only need one to be right smile. Ok if you want to keep going with it then you should up the quantities, don't email too much before meeting other than to gauge that they are generally ok, as its a waste of time if it doesn't work out. Aim to go on at least a couple of dates a month, give it 3 months and see how it goes.

Or just take a break and try something else grin What are your hobbies? If you are under 40 you can join something called a Junior Chamber of Commerce which is not as weird as it sounds does lots of socialising and good works and has quite a few blokes 20s - 30s. Hillwalking always another good thing to take up in a group, has to be heavy duty though otherwise you will end up on walks with 29 other lovely single ladies and one random bloke. Ski holidays again good for single men if you do them through a group.

Alternatively just ask every single friend if they know anyone who they think might be suitable. As it turned out DH lived in an appartment in a castle where friends of friends lived, so I could potentially have met him through an introduction.

PrincessJenga Sun 05-Jun-11 19:08:27

I'm a big fan of online dating. I met DP on Match and now we're expecting our first child and planning our wedding. Even before I met him I thought online dating was a lot of fun though. Yes, I had some unsuccessful dates, but most of the people I met were nice enough and the disasters kept me and my friends entertained!

Apologies if you've already tried these, but here are my top tips...

- Get an outspoken friend to read through your profile and check how you come across. Also make sure you're honest on it (both about what you're like and who you're interested in)

- Put a variety of pics on there to show different things you're interested in

- Ask some kind of question in your profile that will get readers thinking and give them something to write to you about (e.g. 'would you rather...?')

- Don't be too picky about who you message. I know this sounds awful, but I almost didn't meet DP as he didn't seem my 'type' online. He turned out to be the nicest, funniest, most caring bloke I've ever met [boak!]

But still, if you don't like it, you could always try the agony aunt classic: 'join a club' grin

heleninahandcart Sun 05-Jun-11 19:26:24

Sometimes the quality of my internet 'matches' seems to have been so awful that I've actually cried on the basis that this could be the best on offer blush

Take all the advice of those who have been successful. There are some strategies that seem to work best

Only go and open your matches on the site when you are in a positive mood so you see the good in them, or at least the funny side of it

Don't take any of them too seriously until you've met them, this lessons disappointment

Remember it will only take one to be 'the one' smile

MidnightsChild Sun 05-Jun-11 19:42:59

Kitty, do you send out messages yourself to men you find atttractive (either in terms of looks or personality? In my experience, you do need to be pro-active as the good guys are getting women approach them and don't have to do much in terms of hunting themselves. If you're not keen on sending out the first message, do you mark people as favourites, or send winks/ice-breakers? I'd try a mixture and see what gets you the best response. I've had a number of relationships via internet dating and also made some very good friends that way. Still looking for "the one" but am happy that online is the way to go.

KittySpencer Sun 05-Jun-11 20:22:52

rookie I haven't been on a date for over a year, no-one in that time has come along that I've got beyond an initial exchange of emails with. I could set myself a target of several dates in the next couple of months but it seems unlikely it would happen.

I'd say 95% of the men who message me I never reply to, mainly because they are far too young/old (ie 15 years plus younger/older than me), or just unsuitable - the sort of guy who in their first email says 'Are you up for a shag' but more crudely put. You get my drift.

I do send initial messages myself as well - but same in reverse, I'd say 95% of the time I never get a reply. Or a one word response, which is no better!

It always baffles me how everyone else seems to have a much better experience of it than me, and therefore I can only think that dating sites and I are not a good fit confused

TBH, I don't really have any 'hobbies' - I don't think shopping, or going out with friends can be classed as such blush my DSs play sports, and I help out with their clubs etc but we live in a very 2 parent family area, so no chance of meeting any single dads there!

rookiemater Sun 05-Jun-11 20:49:16

Oops sorry to hear that Kitty, agree that you don't want to spend time with someone who can't string a sentence together or is being crude.

It might be worth posting in Lone Parents to see if anyone recommends sites that are suitable for single parents as I think that would change the dynamic somewhat.

KittySpencer Mon 06-Jun-11 23:35:18

That's ok Rookie. My datelessness is an embarrassment even to me smile

I know a lot of LP's have had success on the usual dating sites. But not me for some reason. Perhaps I am the exception to the rule?!

Wouldn't mind a date though. With a reasonably intelligent and attractive man, between 30-50, decent level of personal hygiene, own teeth (ie full set, not a few stumps!), job and home. No BNP members, raging homophobes or perverts......

I am too demanding grin

keysinthefridge Sat 16-Jul-11 15:48:00

Kitty I am with you, I so far have only ever done special offer trials on dating sites, I get loads of e-mails from the sites trying to lure me in with special offers, so I get active for a while, browsing through...

...after several hours and several hundred profiles later... I will have maybe spotted a couple of guys that look interesting to me. And yet I know so many wonderful friends (all normal and attractive) who have met partners online. I start to wonder if either my standards/expectations are too high, or whether I am less attractive than I like to think confused

One conversation I had went like this:
Man - "I like a girl I can do really fun stuff with"
Me - "Oh really? Like what?"
Man - "Well once I made a pasta sauce using an ingredient from each letter of the alphabet..."
Me - "Wow! That sounds great. Er, I have to go...."

keysinthefridge Sat 16-Jul-11 15:48:23

I also wonder if having kids puts a lot of guys off?

keysinthefridge Sat 16-Jul-11 15:49:53

BTW, where is the lone parent section on here?

Meglet Sat 16-Jul-11 15:55:08

I think that Gingerbread need to set up a lone parent dating service. Matching up lone parent mums with all the lone parent dads. Everyone would live happily ever after like the Brady Bunch grin.

spookshowangel Sat 16-Jul-11 16:00:32

its the nature of it, i went on plenty of fish for about a month and got a slew of pretty awful messages/guys. met up with one lovely guy who i still talk too but it just wasnt right for us so i cancelled my account utterly fed up with the standard of men.
after a couple of months i set it up again and again crude messages etc one guy sent me a message basically asking me if i wanted to come to his for a night of champagne,cocaine and sex................ummmmm no.
there were a few guys i messaged talked to texted ,phoned met, up with mostly completely wrong. then i decided to delete my account again and just before i did got a message from a guy and volia we have been together for 10 months. so you do have to sort the wheat from the chaff i think.

27tilly Sat 16-Jul-11 17:44:36

I met my husband on Plenty Of Fish!! I messaged him first! I never expected anything from it but ended up messaging him and things just went from there, I was always honest on there about my kids and it never seemed to put anyone off.

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