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AIBU?

to feel so terribly sad :(

155 replies

extremepie · 04/06/2011 11:28

Came down this morning to find my 4 yr old DS 'playing' with our guinea pig quite roughly. He didn't mean to but I think he broke her back as she couldn't walk when I found her.

She died in my arms about half an hour later.

DS keeps saying he is sorry and didn't mean to hurt her (which I know he didn't).

Yesterday got home from work to find that our other guinea pig had been found mysteriously dead in her cage when my husband got up in the morning.

Now I know why.

I just feel so terrible that, even though he didn't mean it, my son killed our guinea pigs. They weren't that old so should have lived much longer, plus they died in pain.

Have been crying all morning, burst out again every time I look at the cage. Don't even want DS around me at the moment, don't want to talk to him or do anything for him right now.

Sad day :(

OP posts:

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TheOriginalFAB · 04/06/2011 11:31

I am so sorry. .

I remember when DD was under two she had an accident necessitating 2 ambulance blue light trips to hospital and a major operation. For a long time it seemed that DS1 had pushed her causing her injury. I could barely look at him never mind talk to him. It took a while but it did pass.

Try not to let what he has done change how you feel about him but an age appropriate serious talk does need to be had.

RIP extremepiepiggies.

AlpinePony · 04/06/2011 11:32

:( Wow - I'm so sorry for your loss and I mean that because our pets are so important to us...

However, I really would suggest talking to a doctor/child psychologist about this, because this behaviour is fucking scary!

FrumpyPumpy · 04/06/2011 11:32

That is really sad. I'm sure, like you say, he didn't mean to. Just wanted to say I would think would feel the same in the circumstances.

GypsyMoth · 04/06/2011 11:33

you poor thing!! i sympathise. my 3 year old was rough with ours yesterday.

please dont let him know he's to blame.....thats a lot of guilt for small shoulders. maybe get out for the day or something?

moogster1a · 04/06/2011 11:34

I'd let him know he was to blame. He needs to know that rough behaviour can have devastating consequences. I find it a little scary he could do that to 2 animals in 2 days.

Birdsgottafly · 04/06/2011 11:35

Young children shouldn't be left alone with 'easy to kill' pets, i'm afraid. It happens but is one of them things that you have to move on from. Is he 'young' for his age and naturally rough, only you will know if it is an accident or wether he does need to be talked to over it.

You should not feel bad and nor should he. My DD 'caused' the death of one of our pets by dropping it (she was told not to put it on her bed), it was a childhood mistake, it does not mean he has physchotic tendencies, although i'm sure you will get posters suggesting this.

beesimo · 04/06/2011 11:35

Your bairn did what he did out of ignorance not malice you must not shame him over this he is a small child. You did not 'realise' the danger the creatures were in therefore you must not put 'shame' on yerself.

Consider it a lesson learned by Mam a 4 year old does not know its own strength in relation to the strength of other beings. Pull yerself together and hold a proper sham funeral for GP them move on do not keep mentioning to child as he now knows he made a mistake. Its was not a sin or badness in the bairn it was a mistake.

All Best to You and Bairn

katvond · 04/06/2011 11:35

I've got guinea pigs too so I feel for you. Can I ask OP did either of them have diarrhoea?
As we lost 2 on Xmas eve hours within each other and both had diarrhoea.
They are quite hardy critters though. So your DS may not be to blame. Hope that helps

TheOriginalFAB · 04/06/2011 11:35

He does need to know what he has done. He understands when he is in pain so will understand that the Guinea Pig died in pain.

If a child is rough with an animal they need to be kept away from them in the future.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/06/2011 11:37

Sorry OP, I know how upset you are. Please don't get anymore pets. I too would be looking for help for my son, there's something wrong there. Your son needs some consequences, he's 4 and old enough to understand. Has he owned up to the other guinea pig or been sly enough to lie?

beesimo · 04/06/2011 11:39

We say the 'age of reason' in a bairn is about seven English Law says nine chavvie is 4 YEARS OLD do not turn him into a monster for being a little lad who needs to be taught and shown the way.

Some of yous are very unkind to bairns.

bbird1 · 04/06/2011 11:40

Chucky?

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 04/06/2011 11:40

Had you explained to your son previously how to safely handle the pigs? Do you think he knew he was doing wrong? When you say roughly, in what way was he playing with them?

MrsMooky · 04/06/2011 11:40

God, that's awful. Poor guinea pigs. You're sure he didn't mean to be quite so rough... but on the other hand, you think another one died yesterday and he was responsible? I think at 4 he's old enough to know that actions have consequences and he needs to understand what he has done. Only you know if it was an accident or something more malicious, for want of a better word, but either way I wouldn't be giving him any more pets until he's old enough to act properly with them.

thegruffalosma · 04/06/2011 11:41

Alpine I'm sorry but that is crap. We only have fish but dd is 3 1/2 and could quite easily be too rough with something like a hamster/guinea pig if we did have them.
OP I would try and be less harsh on your DS. He hasn't killed them on purpose and he really shouldn't have been allowed/had access to the small animals unsupervised at such a young age.

CrapolaDeVille · 04/06/2011 11:41

He killed two guinea pigs? Obviously a lesson learned here that you never allow children access to animals for safety of both, a cardinal rule in this house. I have a four year old who would know that hey shouldn't touch the animals and would never ever be rough.

I too think you need to talk to someone about this, don't ignore it.

AlpinePony · 04/06/2011 11:42

gruffalo - I get that, but two ? It's very sad. If my child had a "big" accident with the pets two days in a row I would be very worried. I'm sorry that you think it's OK.

moogster1a · 04/06/2011 11:44

A four year old is more than old enough to know how to handle living creatures without killing them.
Bones are quite robust. he'd have had to put some effort in to snap their spines. And to do it twice?!!

katvond · 04/06/2011 11:44

OP please don't blame your son for the other pig, I think there's more to it, I've had cavys all my life, the other pig could have been ill and died. You'll find once one dies the other does. They can't go without food or water as within 12 hours their organs start packing up. We lost Mr T in the morning, ozzy seemed fine by the afternoon he was dead too.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/06/2011 11:45

thegruggalosma... I think it's possible to disagree with somebody's opinion without calling that opinion, 'crap'. I happen to disagree with yours and agree with Alpine.

katvond · 04/06/2011 11:46

I honestly don't think he killed them, sadly we need more info from the OP
No child would deliberately kill and animal I do honestly think theres more to it

AmazingBouncingFerret · 04/06/2011 11:46

I'm with bee on this one. My DS is 4 and yes he knows he has to be gentle with pets but he is still little enough to forget. He still forgets about the consequences of actions as he has only just grasped that actions do have consquences. I wouldnt lay a guilt trip on him, that sort of thing would stick with him for life.

As for the other found dead in its cage, again, he probably didnt think his playing had anything to do with it so I wouldnt be quick to label him 'sly' if he doesnt own up.

ohmyfucksy · 04/06/2011 11:50

surely you do have to be quite rough with a guinea pig to break its back? I would have thought a 4 year old would know that being that rough is very bad. And to do it twice... I would be quite worried actually.

Birdsgottafly · 04/06/2011 11:51

He hasn't 'killed' two Gpigs because he hasn't been told that what he did was wrong to the first one (because the OP didn't know), so he has not made that connection. Four year olds differ greatly in behaviour/understanding and maturity and i have known little boys who could not have had such pets until they were just under 10. It does not make them 'evil'.

Is he into 'transformers' and has tried to have a game with the pets that he shouldn't, children do ill thought out things and sometimes small creatures die as a result, if they are not supervised.

thegruffalosma · 04/06/2011 11:51

I don't think it's OK. I've had guinea pigs as pets in the past and I find it upsetting that 2 have been killed! I just think that the OP is more to blame than her son. A 4 year old is obviously too young to be looking after guinea pigs for any length of time on their own for this very reason. I wouldn't even consider letting dd, who is nearly 4, pet animals like that on her own for a good while yet. Not because I think she's a psycho in the making but because kids that age can be silly and rough and they may not understand the consequences and the permanence of death in the same way as an older child/adult.
If the OP didn't know her ds was responsible for the death of the 1st guinea pig then maybe the boy didn't either. He might have just thought it was asleep and put it back in its cage - he's only 4 for fucks sake!
OP if you get any more pets please don't let your son handle them alone until he's older and more responsible.

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