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to not want to be friends any more with a woman whose been nothing but kind

(63 Posts)
seakelp Sat 04-Jun-11 01:03:20

I feel wretched and guilty hence posting this late at night. It's been bothering me for weeks but it amounts really to the fact that I do not like a friend's son which has more to my own intolerance tbh than anything he's done. I realise I am at fault but that doesn't make me any less guilty. I also do not like the way this friend of mine spoils him, he's pretty badly behaved (12yrs old).

I also realise that over the years when we've been doing monthly lunches I've been tolerant of her but tbh I actually do not like her very much. I've been ill recently which has made me intolerant of stress and now I find I do not actually want to carry on with these lunches. My other friends in this circle are very kind too like her, I 'd like to carry on with the lunches but without her. I feel the wicked witch of the west.

MumblingRagDoll Sat 04-Jun-11 01:09:30

So there is a group of you who have lunch once a month and you want to exclude one woman because you don't like her or her son?


What gives you the right to exclude someone? Will you tell all the others to leave her out?

BluddyMoFo Sat 04-Jun-11 01:12:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Salmotrutta Sat 04-Jun-11 01:17:51

I don't understand the post confused ...... are you suggesting that you can arrange the lunches with her not there? Because surely you don't solely decide who comes along? Or are you a diva that everyone follows or something? I don't understand......
And she has been very kind to you? But you don't like her?

Salmotrutta Sat 04-Jun-11 01:20:14

Now I know I'm tired and emotional ............. I'm off to bed!

BluddyMoFo Sat 04-Jun-11 01:20:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Sat 04-Jun-11 01:23:08

Is your "friend"'s DS invited to these lunches?

BooyHoo Sat 04-Jun-11 01:24:10


scottishmummy Sat 04-Jun-11 01:29:46

you want to incite pals to exclude sick mate?

BluddyMoFo Sat 04-Jun-11 01:31:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seakelp Sat 04-Jun-11 01:33:17

I don't want to pretend anymore to like someone when I don't, that's the issue, sorry for being vague. The bit about the son is what started it off. I don't understand myself why I don't want to be friends anymore with someone who is kind and nice. I'm alone in this feeling then. blush

MumblingRagDoll Sat 04-Jun-11 01:35:05

But you don't explain why you have the power to leave her out of group lunches?

scottishmummy Sat 04-Jun-11 01:37:56

its when you as individuak incite or encourage othes to be compliant to your wishes

clearly there is a background and issues,but really you need allow others form an opinion before you suggest meals without pal

seakelp Sat 04-Jun-11 01:38:55

Actually, I wouldn't leave her out, I think I'll simply say I don't want to do them any more. I know that up to now they've been fun but it's my intolerance now of this particular woman has come to a head. She has done absolutely nothing wrong at all.

BluddyMoFo Sat 04-Jun-11 01:39:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Morloth Sat 04-Jun-11 01:39:54

It's fine to not want to be friends with someone, don't even need a reason.

What is not fine to want to exclude her from the group when it is you that has the problem.

You need to be the one to not go, to want her left out to please you makes you a complete bitch.

BluddyMoFo Sat 04-Jun-11 01:40:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MumblingRagDoll Sat 04-Jun-11 01:40:46

You'll "say" you don't want to do them anymore but you will? Is that what you mean? Or you won't do them anymore to avoid her?

MumblingRagDoll Sat 04-Jun-11 01:41:54

I find it weird tbh. How you eep saying she's done nothing but is kind and nice. There must be something you wont face.

scottishmummy Sat 04-Jun-11 01:42:20

so in that case you discreetly bow out for bit
its permissible and human to dislike someone, the rub is maybe in not being too abrasive about it, no one saying deny your feelings but on other hand dont enact in front of everyone else

Morloth Sat 04-Jun-11 01:42:36


Just make sure you don't say anything about her if asked.

seakelp Sat 04-Jun-11 01:44:25

Yes, it is me with the problem, yes I think I am a complete bitch. I used to be nice I don't know where I've gone wrong. Help.

whatever17 Sat 04-Jun-11 01:47:06

I know exactly where you are coming from. I have someone who thinks I am her "best friend".

I really wish I wasn't. Every time she calls me I am nice. But I have other mates who I have chosen who are a good laugh and I like. The "best friend" calls me all the time talking about her married lovers etc and stuff I either don't like or have no interest in. I privately think she is ridiculous.

BluddyMoFo Sat 04-Jun-11 01:48:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

midlandsmumof4 Sat 04-Jun-11 01:48:42

Are you the only one with the problem? If so, make your excuse to stop going due to your illness sad. Why spoil it for the others?

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