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Not wanting to leave the kids at home for wedding but realising no way out...

(14 Posts)
Nats79 Fri 03-Jun-11 21:42:40

I know this probably sounds ridiculous but am feeling very anxious about wedding next week. Months ago invited to wedding of very good friend - no kids rule (except babes in arms which I have one of),been asked to do reading too so my name will be on the programme now! Had baby in mid Jan and have one nearly three yr old. Friend suggested at time I fly my mother (who is terrified of flying and would have all been expensive) out so kids stay at venue and didn't have to leave them but because of aforementioned reasons this wasn't an option. Instead of saying at the outset didn't want to leave kids and couldn't take mum (wedding is in Ireland and kids definitely not invited) i have just bumbled along not saying anything and now are 1 WEEK (!) away from the wedding and am totally panicked about leaving to get on a flight without them (partly scared something will happen and they will end up orphans - I have vivid imagination!) and partly worried because DD1 is VERY clingy and DD2 so small. No feeding issues and going to loving grandparents. DH is of opinion all will be fine and we should have fun but I am dreading it. Feel free to tell me I'm crazy and to get on with it. If I'd brought this up with the bride ages ago could probably have sorted it out then but feeling too late to bring up with her now?

Bananamash Fri 03-Jun-11 21:45:34

I can completely see why you are worried about leaving them but... YABU to have left it until one week before until you said anything. If i was the bride I would be fuming if you had agreed all along and then pull out now, when your name etc is already on the program.

PaddingtonStare Fri 03-Jun-11 21:50:47

You're not crazy but get on with it all the same!

The wedding will fly by and you'll be back in no time. Your DC are going to be in good hands and will probably be thoroughly spoiled and your friends in Ireland will be delighted to see you. smile

And I promise you this... all of a sudden, halfway through the wedding it'll dawn on you that you've stopped worrying about the DC because you were having such a good time they slipped your mind! wink

AgentZigzag Fri 03-Jun-11 21:54:01

It's going to be one of those times when you have to stop the lack of control getting to you and go with the flow.

Easy for me to say because I think if things are going to happen there's not a lot you can do about it.

Don't go because you think they'll be annoyed at your name being on the program, go because it's OK for you to be something other than a mum.

They'll survive, and so will you!

You'll get back and be right pissed off they've not even noticed you've been away grin

nananan Fri 03-Jun-11 21:54:13

Got a similar issue with a wedding coming up, although DD is now 18 months and is also VERY clingly, but only when I'm there. She gets very worked up and extremely upset, but is fine just minutes after me leaving. You need to be able to have a life occasionally, you're still a human and not just a mum. You say yourself children are going to very loving grandparents. They will be fine and spoilt rotten. Just go and let your hair down. You deserve it

mamofK Fri 03-Jun-11 21:59:58

completely understand your panic, but you'll honestly be fine, and they will be too. Go enjoy yourself and have a bit of husband-wife time nudge wink!

troisgarcons Fri 03-Jun-11 22:04:03

* totally panicked about leaving to get on a flight without them (partly scared something will happen and they will end up orphans*

Bizarre thought - take them with you then you can all die together - is that preferable? Just make sure you've sorted your will!

Nats79 Fri 03-Jun-11 22:22:57

Troisgarcons - I know! It is bizarre! But real preference would be to can the whole thing altogether. Everyone's right though...just got to knuckle down and get on with it. More annoyed with myself for not handling it proactively earlier...and know you're all right - will no doubt enjoy it once there.

ILoveYouToo Fri 03-Jun-11 22:29:34

Ah bless you; there's no way I would have left DD at the age your youngest is. Blimey; I wouldn't even leave our pathologically clingy rather anxious dog for that. If you're down to do a reading then I think it's going to cause a huge ruckus if you pull out now. You've left it too late to raise this with the bride, imho; she's likely to justifiably freak out. Have you left the children before?

I agree with the others who say it'll be fine. Good lesson in assertiveness for next time, maybe? grin

PrincessJenga Fri 03-Jun-11 22:31:24

You did handle it proactively earlier. You made childcare arrangements and plans for the wedding. Now you just need to stick the the plan. And enjoy it grin

Nats79 Fri 03-Jun-11 23:05:34

Thanks all. Will stick to the plan jenga

bran Fri 03-Jun-11 23:11:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nats79 Fri 03-Jun-11 23:49:52

Thanks Bran - wish I was going aer lingus now!!!

vanessasmum Sat 04-Jun-11 00:10:31

good luck Nat. i hope the wedding is fun. The level of orchestration of weddings is so high, it's not normal. wierd events. everything has to follow such a tight schedule, and it's such a disaster if things don't! why do we sign up to doing things in such a pressurized way?

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