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to wonder why colleagues socialise together when they do not like one another?

(23 Posts)
Bumblequeen Fri 03-Jun-11 07:37:20

In my office (mainly women) some of my female colleagues speak badly of other colleagues and then later in the week they arrange to go to lunch!

In the hope of not sounding naive I know people do not always see eye to eye but would you not keep them at a distance?

I get on with some colleagues.more than others but am friendly with all. I would not consider socialising (lunch/after work drinks) with those I do not like or worse, have made negative comments about.

It shows a lack of integrity to slander a colleage then being seen going to lunch with them soon after.

Is it me?

lesley33 Fri 03-Jun-11 08:42:01

Depends. Either:
1. They are lonely and prefer socialising with anyone rather than no-one.
2. They are bitchy and talk negatively about everyone they know.
3. You are interpreting their normal moans as not liking someone. After all even very close friends annoy us sometimes.
4. They genuinely like someone but find them hard to work with. I have 1 friend who is great fun and very supportive. But I suspect she would be a bit of a nightmare to work with.

Gissabreak Fri 03-Jun-11 08:48:32

Message withdrawn

Hammy02 Fri 03-Jun-11 08:50:41

Some people just have massively low self esteem so slag everyone off. Sooo glad I don't work in that environment anymore. Happy people don't bitch IME.

Gissabreak Fri 03-Jun-11 08:56:13

Message withdrawn

Gissabreak Fri 03-Jun-11 08:57:16

Message withdrawn

Hammy02 Fri 03-Jun-11 08:59:52

I only said it as I used to be v unhappy and spent so much of my time finding faults in others. When I got out of the situation I was in, I just didn't do it anymore. Also grew up and realised that most people don't like being around others that are negative all of the time. Sorry to hijack.

SardineQueen Fri 03-Jun-11 09:00:01

Work dynamics are fiendishly complicated. These are people that you have to see day in day out possibly for years, more than you see your family if you work fulltime. On that basis the idea of giving people the cold shoulder (which it would be if you declined standing lunch invitations, didn't go if X was going to be there etc) would make for a very tricky workplace. It's like family, for me. You all have to try and rub along together even if they aren't people you'd normally choose to associate with.

Plus lesley's points are all true as well.

Maybe if you are good friends with any of the people who do this, you could ask?

lesley33 Fri 03-Jun-11 09:03:10

Gissabreak - I hope not! (Frantically checks past posts to make sure she can't be outed).

snoozin Fri 03-Jun-11 09:06:42

Sadly no place can be more catty than an office full of women who seemingly don't have enough work to do.

On the other hand, even if you may never be friends with a woman outside of work, you can have fun blowing-off steam while out at lunch or down the pub after work.

I get this in my office. It's par for the course as far as I'm concerned.

SardineQueen Fri 03-Jun-11 09:11:51

snoozin I worked in an office that was 100% female (about 40 people) and it was all very professional and friendly. A great workplace.

Similarly I've worked in environments which have been very male dominated and have not had nice atmospheres.

TrillianAstra Fri 03-Jun-11 09:16:47

Is it only offices full of women that can be "catty" because catty is not a word you'd you to describe men?

You can have good and bad atmospheres in male-dominated or female-dominated environments, don't make silly generalisations.

Were they really slandering people who they later went to lunch with? Or was it a general bit of gossiping/moaning?

Bumblequeen Fri 03-Jun-11 09:50:53

Trillian- openly stating the person is too big for her boots (recently promoted) and she does not like the way she addresses her. The following day she called her 'honey' and made arrangements to go to lunch. It was not a moan and surely you would only moan to one colleague rather than 5?

We all moan when we feel friends/acquaintences let us down or annoy us. I do not like the culture of colleagues calling people 'hun' and 'babe' when in fact they just tolerate one another. I can be aloof when I am sussing out my environment so definitely not without fault!

TrillianAstra Fri 03-Jun-11 09:56:22

Always be careful of people who call you "honey"!

Bumblequeen Fri 03-Jun-11 10:11:59

Trillian- why do you need to be careful?

Kallista Fri 03-Jun-11 10:40:12

It is called being two-faced! A bitchy type (male or female btw) can be more successful at their power games when they pretend to be friends with their target. I suggest googling 'workplace bullying'.
If a colleague has issues with someone's work they should be direct and honest, not two-faced.

troisgarcons Fri 03-Jun-11 10:52:55

Do not, ever, mix work and pleasure.

Mmake some excuse (no baby sitter/sick cat/aging aunt) to avoid all social functions like the plague. Office politics are PIA and best avoided. Eyes and ears open, mouth closed. Works for me - they know Im anti-social now grin

EssexGurl Fri 03-Jun-11 10:54:29

What is the old saying - keep your friends close but your enemies closer. If you are out with them, then they can't be plotting / bitching about you!

lesley33 Fri 03-Jun-11 13:26:49

Sounds like she is pretty manipulative and not very nice.

Selks Fri 03-Jun-11 13:27:45

Sometimes I think it's just small world syndrome.

Hammy02 Fri 03-Jun-11 14:17:19

I used to work with someone like that. Made my life a misery for years. There is nothing I wouldn't wish on her. She was evil.

luvviemum Fri 03-Jun-11 16:12:24

Some of the folk I used to work with went out to the pub quite often after work. I could never understand why they wanted to go out and spend more time with the people they had just spent 8/9 hours with already to talk even more shop.
Eventually, several of their marriages broke up and they were completely devastated. What did they expect? Go home to your wives/husbands and get a life!

bessie26 Fri 03-Jun-11 16:27:09

Lots of people i work with relocated to work there so they have to hang out with each other in the evenings as they have no other friends, is she lonely?

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