In my office (mainly women) some of my female colleagues speak badly of other colleagues and then later in the week they arrange to go to lunch!
In the hope of not sounding naive I know people do not always see eye to eye but would you not keep them at a distance?
I get on with some colleagues.more than others but am friendly with all. I would not consider socialising (lunch/after work drinks) with those I do not like or worse, have made negative comments about.
It shows a lack of integrity to slander a colleage then being seen going to lunch with them soon after.
Depends. Either: 1. They are lonely and prefer socialising with anyone rather than no-one. 2. They are bitchy and talk negatively about everyone they know. 3. You are interpreting their normal moans as not liking someone. After all even very close friends annoy us sometimes. 4. They genuinely like someone but find them hard to work with. I have 1 friend who is great fun and very supportive. But I suspect she would be a bit of a nightmare to work with.
I only said it as I used to be v unhappy and spent so much of my time finding faults in others. When I got out of the situation I was in, I just didn't do it anymore. Also grew up and realised that most people don't like being around others that are negative all of the time. Sorry to hijack.
Work dynamics are fiendishly complicated. These are people that you have to see day in day out possibly for years, more than you see your family if you work fulltime. On that basis the idea of giving people the cold shoulder (which it would be if you declined standing lunch invitations, didn't go if X was going to be there etc) would make for a very tricky workplace. It's like family, for me. You all have to try and rub along together even if they aren't people you'd normally choose to associate with.
Plus lesley's points are all true as well.
Maybe if you are good friends with any of the people who do this, you could ask?
Trillian- openly stating the person is too big for her boots (recently promoted) and she does not like the way she addresses her. The following day she called her 'honey' and made arrangements to go to lunch. It was not a moan and surely you would only moan to one colleague rather than 5?
We all moan when we feel friends/acquaintences let us down or annoy us. I do not like the culture of colleagues calling people 'hun' and 'babe' when in fact they just tolerate one another. I can be aloof when I am sussing out my environment so definitely not without fault!
It is called being two-faced! A bitchy type (male or female btw) can be more successful at their power games when they pretend to be friends with their target. I suggest googling 'workplace bullying'. If a colleague has issues with someone's work they should be direct and honest, not two-faced.
Mmake some excuse (no baby sitter/sick cat/aging aunt) to avoid all social functions like the plague. Office politics are PIA and best avoided. Eyes and ears open, mouth closed. Works for me - they know Im anti-social now
Some of the folk I used to work with went out to the pub quite often after work. I could never understand why they wanted to go out and spend more time with the people they had just spent 8/9 hours with already to talk even more shop. Eventually, several of their marriages broke up and they were completely devastated. What did they expect? Go home to your wives/husbands and get a life!