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I have totally had it with everything now....AIBU to dig a dark hole and curl up into a ball?!!!

(44 Posts)
boilingpoint Thu 02-Jun-11 22:05:53

This last 18 months has been the worst time of my entire life. I have had it. One thing after another after another!!

Today has topped it. i have fucking had it. why the fuck do i bother trying to be a decent person, following the rules, being polite never upsetting anyone helping anyone who needs helping... i must of been adholf fucking hitler in a past life cause boy am i being punished... and breathe.... fuck life it fucking sucks..

boilingpoint Thu 02-Jun-11 22:11:02

apologies for my use of fucking. I just started typing and it all came out..confused

ScrotalPantomime Thu 02-Jun-11 22:13:10

What's happened?

SunshineisSorry Thu 02-Jun-11 22:13:56

life does tend to do this doesn't it, cant just have one fucking thing go wrong at once, it just tends to spiral - YANBU to want to curl up in your hole and you should, it can be very cathartic - but dont please stay there, just recuperate, face the next round and stay strong. Not sure what your history is, but have a unmumsnetty hug if it helps

PrincessJenga Thu 02-Jun-11 22:14:01

And breathe OP. Here, have a brew

Now, what seems to be the problem?

Happymm Thu 02-Jun-11 22:14:18

Why?

Tortu Thu 02-Jun-11 22:14:56

I'm waiting for Karma/ Wheel of Fortune. It must get better from here?

Spero Thu 02-Jun-11 22:15:57

Much better to vent than let it fester. Try some deep breathing, get some decent sleep and I hope things seem less horrible in the morning.

Horrible things do happen to good people. I would recommend reading some Viktor Frankl - he survived a concentration camp, lost his wife and came out realising that the only thing you can control is your reaction to circumstances and although the human race could build concentration camps, they could also go to their deaths bravely.

IprivateI Thu 02-Jun-11 22:18:46

Yes life is shit isn't it? My dressing table mirror cracked in half for no apparent reason about 2 months after our wedding. Thats 7 years bad luck. Only 2.5 more to go. I've had some shit things happen to me in that time, and even now continuous bad luck. Know how you feel.

sunnydelight Thu 02-Jun-11 22:21:26

Unfortunately bad things happen life, no matter how good a life you try and lead. Hope things start getting better for you, meanwhile MN is a good place to vent.

JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns Thu 02-Jun-11 22:25:44

Snap, I'm sat in a fucking bnb staring at the same four wall I have done for the past four months wondering what happened sad

boilingpoint Thu 02-Jun-11 22:32:35

well where do i begin are you sitting comfortably.....This has all happened in the last 18 months...

1, We have lived in 4 houses in the last 15 months.. One of the houses had no heating and the windows just let the ait through it was -3 in my DDs room at one point, another house the landlord kept coming in unannounced, then the other house was just awful. the landlord wouldnt give us our deposit which resulting in 2,
2, We were homeless for around 2 weeks between houses. had to stay with my DPs aunt.
3, My DP was made redundant/let go from 3 jobs. one after the other, i wasnt working due to illness.
4, The washing machine, the fridge, the TV and our sofas all broke within a week of each other.
5, i had really bad PND when LO was born in march 2010 it went un-noticed.
6, In January 2011 i had a full nervous breakdown. Attempted suicide on several occasion and ended up being sectioned under the mental health act. I ended up loosing my job as a result of this..
7, Mine and DP's relationship took a nose dive due to breakdown. were on the mend but fragile.
8, we owe so many people money its unreal. For the last 3 months we have lived on £10 a week for food. were so broke its unreal.
9, DD has had various illnesses, trips to hospital.
10, Our car keeps breaking.. we brought it nearly 3 years ago for £1500. In the last 7 months it has cost £2000 to get fixed for various things. (my dad has been paying on his credit card)

Then tonight...... The first night when DP is away at a function and not home for me when i get in. I go to work for 4pm (like i do every night) and something is wrong with my car.. its pissing out water from the radiator, i work for a large company with a big fleet of vehicles so the hub manager has come out and had a look.. the head gasket/ engine is gone... going to cost nearly £600 to get it fixed... WTF?! So my car is still at work and i got someone to drop me home. How the hell are we gonna sort this? i need a car to get us around.. i just see no way out from this.

Sorry to bore you all with my crap..

Glitterknickaz Thu 02-Jun-11 22:34:22

I'm with you, I really am with you. The last five years have been the best and the worst of my life.

No magic answers for you , but I've read, I give a crap....

GooGooMuck Thu 02-Jun-11 22:38:04

sad I really don't know what to say.

Do you want suggestions or just for me to say, yes it is really shit and I am sorry that you had to have all that crap?

boilingpoint Thu 02-Jun-11 22:38:38

thanks glitter it means alot (if only in the virtual world)

Meant to add to that list... People who i thought were my friends decided to gossip about me calling me an attention seeker... including MIL!

AuntiePickleBottom Thu 02-Jun-11 22:39:35

scrap the car and get a cheap car, go to the CAB about your debts...surley they can suggest something...and i hope the home you are in now hasn't got any problem.

it's hard when life gives yo blow after blow....hope things improve for you soon

boilingpoint Thu 02-Jun-11 22:39:53

GooGoo.. any suggestions are welcome...

I love my DD more than anything in the world.. I cant even look at her baby pics without crying.. i dont remember her being a baby atall. none of it.

BornInAfrica Thu 02-Jun-11 22:43:21

I feel your pain OP. The last five years of my life have been a drip feed of shit, shit and more shit - big bad horrible shit with long reaching consequences. And this seems to be so for many many people. I suppose one day it will stop - one has to have hope.

SpeedyGonzalez Thu 02-Jun-11 22:44:38

Good grief, boilingpoint, what a list! No wonder you're so overwhelmed.

You say you had a nervous breakdown - how awful sad. How regularly do you go for follow-up care? It will be helpful for you if you can work through some kind of plan of action with a trusted professional carer - they can help you see things in a different light.

So sorry to hear you're having such a heavy time of it.

GreenEyesandHam Thu 02-Jun-11 22:45:09

Under those circumstances I think you're allowed to be pissed off.

Chin up, it will pass.

CoffeeIsMyFriend Thu 02-Jun-11 22:45:21

oh you poor thing. Things will improve, honestly they will. I understand how shit things can be and how 'bad' things happen continually.

The car - how old is it? Is it worth fixing or can you scrap it and get another?
How is your mental health now? Are you back on track, seeing anyone?
Your DC wont remember anything, so try not to feel guilty about being ill.
Does DH have a job now?
Is your new house better?

Try to see a positive thing in each day.

have a big hug from me too.

boilingpoint Thu 02-Jun-11 22:48:33

speedy, I was discharged from the crisis team in March. I have to go to the doctors once a month, fill in a questionairre about my 'feelings' and get my prescription of drugs. I also take anxiety meds at the min due to a few panick attacks when i went back to work/into the world again.

I have alos just started my 6 sessions of CBT (counselling) which is proving helpfull.

borninafrica i live for the day when something good actually happens! maybe a lottery win? prehaps not gotta be in it to win it lol

boilingpoint Thu 02-Jun-11 22:51:28

coffee (great name) The car - how old is it? Is it worth fixing or can you scrap it and get another? its a T reg 1999.. thinking of scrapping however not sure what i can buy for £300 (if that)
How is your mental health now? Are you back on track, seeing anyone? as above
Does DH have a job now? he is in a good job now which he loves, just passed his probation with a promotion (no payrise hmm)
Is your new house better? i love our new house, however i feel we are living beyond our means at the minute

razzlebathbone Thu 02-Jun-11 22:52:27

Don't know if it helps OP to know you are not alone in suffering many of these things? We've had to move three times in last two years and I was also sectioned twice with PND. My husband also had to declare himself bankrupt due to all his debts. You are not alone or jinxed and it's no reflection on your worth. Can you borrow a car? Trade it in? I would say get some financial advice.

Do you feel depressed again?

SpeedyGonzalez Thu 02-Jun-11 22:52:47

Discharged in March following a breakdown in January??? shock

Glad to hear CBT is helping.

sad for you.

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