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To feel unloved :(

(19 Posts)
Pureandsimple Thu 02-Jun-11 19:51:38

Our dc are away tonight first time since February, for tonight only.

My dh was home from work at 3pm today. I finished work at 5pm went to Waitrose to buy his favourite dinner. I got home, got changed out of work clothes into dress etc. I very very rarely wear dresses.

I have cooked dinner, we ate dinner in virtual silence every conversation I tried to make he gave one word answers. He then spent an hour on his laptop, and half an hour ago he walked out of the lounge and I've just been to find him, and he's playing on xbox.

So I've now come on mumsnet as I'm feeling very unloved, and am very concerned about our relationship.

AIBU?

onebigchocolatemess Thu 02-Jun-11 19:55:39

no YANBU - had you talked about how you would spend your kid free night before it happened?

Everyone needs to chill out after work and all that BUT it does sound like a missed moment to me

get some wine and btw the dress looks just lovely! wink

hairfullofsnakes Thu 02-Jun-11 19:55:57

Yanbu at all and I'm very sorry you feel so unloved - totally understandable though. Can we have more info? Is he usually like this? Is he worried about anything? Is your relationship good? Can you talk to him as to why he is behaving like this?

Pureandsimple Thu 02-Jun-11 19:57:35

I spoke to him at lunch - asked him what he'd like for dinner, and said I'd really like it if all chores/games etc were done before I got home, so that we could spend the evening together.

I'm slowly quickly getting pissed here, I'll just have another wine, thanks.

Thank you re dress.

miniwedge Thu 02-Jun-11 19:58:42

Have you asked him what's wrong?

We can give you support but no onion here knows whether there is anything else going on or if he has just had ashit day and is being an arse.

Pureandsimple Thu 02-Jun-11 19:59:46

He's not the romantic type, had thoughts that we weren't saying a lot, but we both have busy lives, and with the kids as well, chat etc is normally short, and we are off doing other things.

I think tonight has highlighted that there really is a problem.

WriterofDreams Thu 02-Jun-11 19:59:50

Aw that really sucks, you must be so disappointed sad I'd probably cry if DH did that to me. How are things with you guys generally?

miniwedge Thu 02-Jun-11 20:00:07

no one. Fucking iPad.

GooGooMuck Thu 02-Jun-11 20:01:25

no onion grin

You need to speak with him. Before you get too drunk and then lose the argument by default.

You can debrief here when you've spoken to him...

go on.

LaurieFairyCake Thu 02-Jun-11 20:01:28

Can't you get him off x box and to the pub. A nice beer garden, a nice pint , no distractions. He will have to talk then.

GooGooMuck Thu 02-Jun-11 20:03:36

I had similar convo with mine this week, but him telling me off for MNing blush

I am trying harder smile

disclaimer: He's popped out for lager smile

AgentZigzag Thu 02-Jun-11 20:05:45

Could he have just totally shattered and the peace and quiet without the DC just did him in?

I feel for you though, you just want to savour every second you get to be an adult rather than parent.

Agree with the other posters that you need to talk (rather than argue) about what's going on.

katvond Thu 02-Jun-11 20:06:42

If he's not usually like this OP then put it down to a shit day at work. It happens to us all sad
Hope your night works out smile

AgentZigzag Thu 02-Jun-11 20:09:18

It's still early yet smile

ballstoit Thu 02-Jun-11 20:12:28

Erm, what was he doing on the laptop? That would be my clue tbh.

eg is he jobhunting because he's at risk of redundancy. Or just gaming?

If just gaming I'd be quite peed off.

Pureandsimple Thu 02-Jun-11 20:17:24

He was defragging the hard drive, and cleaning it up, as it was running slow and "hadn't been done for a while".

He's a complete geek.

He came in 15 mins ago and said could he turn over to sci fi (he knows I hate sci fi), I responded 'if you like, will be nice to have you in here, but can't we watch a film or something'.

He said he'd watch the sci fi elsewhere so that I can watch a film sad.

AgentZigzag Thu 02-Jun-11 20:29:40

Mmmmm defragging instead of spending time with you, I see your problem.

And you said you wanted to spend the evening together on the phone to him, do you think he didn't pick up what you were trying to say, or he's blatently ignoring it?

You could try taking the dress off and see if he notices? grin

I'm sure there'd be a MN consensus that you'd be quite within your rights to kick him hard in the nuts if he decided sci fi's more intereting.

wearenotinkansas Thu 02-Jun-11 22:02:13

YANBU - but it sounds to me that he's just being a bit of a rubbish bloke. How about suggesting an early night - together - before you get too pissed and seeing if you can have a proper chat with him then? I am computer widow sometimes too so know how you feel.

ScrotalPantomime Thu 02-Jun-11 22:11:52

Had he done all the chores before you got home? Did he feel a bit unappreciated maybe?

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