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to wish people wouldn't say "It gets easier after three months"?

(41 Posts)
ennistonemother Thu 02-Jun-11 12:26:47

Because it hasn't. I'm sure it does for some people but, because I've heard this so much, I feel inadequate that it isn't true for me.

Why do people say this? What is supposed to be easier? Or is it just about reassuring parents of small babies that this will pass, and putting a date on it makes it seem more concrete? I'm sure people meant well, of course.

Did it get easier for you after the magic 3 month mark? Or 4 months? Or ... will it only be easier when she leaves home?

shirleyshortcut Thu 02-Jun-11 12:28:04

some phases are easier than others

you just have to get by best you can

papermate Thu 02-Jun-11 12:30:15

There isn't Realy a magic marker, our last one slept through from 4 weeks, it took my middle one 4 years to master it!! I found having 3 miles easier than having my first!

strandedbear Thu 02-Jun-11 12:30:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

swash Thu 02-Jun-11 12:31:00

Actually I found the 3-4 month bit the hardest. People say silly things all the time - they extrapolate from their own experience and think that it is helpful, which often it isn't.

Idefixx Thu 02-Jun-11 12:31:11

Actually, it did get easier. Maybe closer to 4 months than 3, but it did. Hang in there. My first DC was a MASSIVE shock to the system, but when I went back to work after 6 months, I was heart broken, because life was great by then.
Don't feel inadequate. The time will come for you as well. Otherwise, no one would have more than one child ;-)

Pootles2010 Thu 02-Jun-11 12:32:01

Because they're trying to encourage you - i think general gist is that it does get better.

Everyone said to me 6 weeks, which wasn't true for us at all! It's gotten easier for us after 6 months, he's 10 months now and a breeze, wheras for others at postnatal its just getting hard for them now.

How old's your LO?

DoMeDon Thu 02-Jun-11 12:32:12

Depends what you are finding hard I guess.

I think most babies start to interact more - smiles, laughs, more movement in the day. Plus most babies slepp a bit better as they get older - maybe doing a long stretch in the night.

I found it easier from 5 months - sitting up, then crawling, making noises. I enjoyed it from about 11 months - walking, eating properly, talking a bit. I still struggle with crying - there's MUCH less of it now but the sound still sets every nerve on edge.

FlamingFannyDrawers Thu 02-Jun-11 12:32:34

I think its meant in relation to sleeping through the night? Although some babies don't sleep through the night much longer than 3 months. I've used this phrase myself but usually say the first few months are the hardest (in relation to sleepless nights) But then, the teething begins...

ennistonemother Thu 02-Jun-11 12:34:34

My DD is an early teether... it's mostly the lack of sleep that's getting to me - I just don't feel quite human, and I sort of thought I would by now.

SailorVie Thu 02-Jun-11 12:34:52

I found that things magically got easier once my DS started sleeping through. Until then my grip on my sanity was very fragile to say the least. So our turning point was at 8.5 weeks when he gave up the middle of the night early morning feed and slept from the dream feed at 10.30 until 6.30am. He didn't sleep 7 - 7 until he was 9 months.

Sirzy Thu 02-Jun-11 12:35:40

Sleeping through at 3 months? Ds is 18 months and only just sleeping through!

I think it depends on you and the baby which stages are easier than others.

CharlotteBronteSaurus Thu 02-Jun-11 12:36:14

it is annoying
however all babies get easier at some point. some at 6 weeks, some 3 month, some 6 months, some a year. I think people just like to reassure you that life won't be like that forever.
dd1 got dramatically easier at 6mo
dd2 (7mo) is sleeping 7pm-5am, but is a grumpy thing for most of her waking hours, so I am still waiting for her to "get easier".

porcupine11 Thu 02-Jun-11 12:37:17

Development-wise, babies should really be born at 12 months, not 9 months. But they have to come out at 9 months so their heads, erm, fit. I think that's where the 12 week milestone comes from (and why it holds true for many). The baby really does get easier to look after.

PregolaLola Thu 02-Jun-11 12:37:58

its better than some we get from the in laws '' hes an angel now but, wait till hes 2months he'll want a dummy'' ''wait till hes 3 months he'll be a nightmare'' '' wait till hes 4months hell find hes lungs and scream ''wait till hes 5 months he'll start being naughty'' no hes six months and im not waiting till he's two and hitting other kids....... im enjoying it, none of it happened !

sorry that was my own little vent

i think its just looking for something to say probably, if it hasn't happened yet just hold out hope
sorry not helpful

my first is sleeping well and has done from about 6 weeks, my next is probably going to keep me awake until its 10!

HeadfirstForHalos Thu 02-Jun-11 12:39:04

I've had 4 dc, and yes, for me, 3 months was the approximate time it began to get easier as they were sleeping a lot more. I can cope with anything if I've had sleep smile

RitaMorgan Thu 02-Jun-11 12:40:42

Have to laugh at the idea that most babies sleep through at 3 months grin

I think some people find the baby stage easier, some find the toddler stage easier, some find older children easier etc. And some children are easy newborns and difficult toddlers, or the other way round.

These things go in fits and starts though - it isn't always a straightforward progression towards less feeds and more sleep. There are always growth spurts, developmental leaps, sleep regressions etc that throw a spanner in the works!

Pandemoniaa Thu 02-Jun-11 12:41:20

I don't think there's a universal "gets easier" stage but certainly after 3 months, I found myself rather more confident with ds1 and this seemed to make life run rather less chaotically. But it depends on the child. My friend had a son of the same age who was irritable, sleepless, colicky and generally grizzly until he was over 18 months old. By that stage, my so-called "easy" baby had discovered the joy of tantrums so it all kind of comes around. But differently!

Cat98 Thu 02-Jun-11 12:42:32

For us? It got easier after the first 9 months, the first 9 months were soooo hard. And then better again after 18 months. But everyone's experiences are different. My sil was fine with the baby stage but hates toddlerhood. It depends on so many things - the type of child, how you want to parent, how much help you get etc etc.

herewegoloopyloo Thu 02-Jun-11 12:49:15

I completely agree with OP. It is meant well, I am sure but I think that it can actually be quite soul destroying if you are having a hard time. I can vividly remember phoning the HV is despair re. DD1 who said "don't worry, it gets much easier at around 12weeks" to which I wailed in reply "but she's 13 weeks noooow" blush
It is true that it is easier at around 3-4 months than it was in the very early days (esp if is 1st baby when is all such a shock), particularly once your child can sit unaided (roughly 6mths) but I don't think for me I really felt there was light at the end of the tunnel until 6 months (or more). That's not to say there was no joy until then but the balance shifted.
I do agree that it probably depends on the kind of baby your child is (and if have colic, sleep well, feed well etc). In all honesty, it wasn't until DD1 reached close to a year that I could look back and see that, yes, it really did get much easier after around 4 mths.
So not despair OP. It really does get easier. Do remember to look after yourself and if you are also feeling blue (not suggesting you are) don't be afraid to tell someone.

ennistonemother Thu 02-Jun-11 12:50:36

Yes, you're all very sensible - of course it will depend on the parent and the child and the circumstances in general.

I found it all very easy for the first couple of months - possibly because I was expecting it all to be very difficult, because everyone had said so. I remember being baffled when, at two months, someone said it'd get easier at three, as I was thinking "but ... it's fine!".

Perhaps the difference is that now (she's just shy of 4 months) I've been trying to get more done and engage with the outside world - and now I don't have the excuse that I have a tiny baby when the place is a complete tip or when I keep missing meet-ups that start at 10. I thought I'd be doing better by now.

Pandemoniaa Thu 02-Jun-11 12:54:55

Don't beat yourself up, ennistonemother - at just shy of 4 months you still have a little baby whose needs are going to take up all your time. My dgd is 5 months old today and my ds and dil are only now engaging a bit more with the outside world but this is helped enormously by living bang slap in the centre of town so everything is on the doorstep, so to speak.

SouthStar Thu 02-Jun-11 12:55:47

My ds slept through from 3 weeks where as my dd didnt untill she was just over a year. Would have been alot easier had it been the other way around as ds was up at 6 each morning bright eyed and I was still hanging from a night of up and down with dd.
Every child is different so you may have it easy in the future when it comes to feeding or potty training where as some will be in the same frame of mind as you are now thinking when will this get easier.

lynniep Thu 02-Jun-11 12:58:11

I get your point. some things get easier. some things get harder. some things feel like you havent moved on at all...

Pandemoniaa Thu 02-Jun-11 13:03:56

Got to say that I found that one of the most irritating aspects of bringing up children was the assumption that the rest of the world had a right to butt in. I determined that, if and when I became a grandmother I'd keep my trap shut and certainly not offer these unhelpful comments aimed at making people feel like utterly crap parents!

I can still recall dealing with a monstrous tantrum from the then 2-year old ds1 because the wrong sized bus had arrived. Having got him, kicking and struggling, onto it (with a 6 month old baby and a pushchair) I was hugely underwhelmed when an elderly lady said "Poor Little Boy", Mummy needs to appreciate you a bit more because it won't get easier will it?". "Mummy" very nearly handed him over and suggested she took the tantrummy little sod home with her.

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