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refusing to eat with my husband until he sorts his table manners out

(40 Posts)
breathing Thu 02-Jun-11 09:35:48

Its got so bad its horrible to witness. Even my teenage dss comments and hates eating with his Dad. He burps, farts wolfs his meal down in double quick time, takes one bite and then looks fertively at the pan to see if there will be seconds, leaves mess on his chin while scooping food into his gob and makes a num num num growling kind of n noise while chewing/breathing out. Its disgusting and getting worse.

dickiedavisthunderthighs Thu 02-Jun-11 09:37:19

Have you actually raised it with him? This can't have happened overnight.

If all else fails film him and play it back. That should sort it out.

WhoAteMySnickers Thu 02-Jun-11 09:37:45

Are you married to a man or a wild animal?

WhoAteMySnickers Thu 02-Jun-11 09:39:38

Hit post too soon. Agree with the filming him idea. Then he can see for himself how disgusting he looks.

Suncottage Thu 02-Jun-11 09:39:39

My brother eats like that - I have told him many times how revolting I find it. Now I just leave the room.

breathing Thu 02-Jun-11 09:41:35

Im pretty sure he would get angry if I raisde it in one hit. I have expressed my disgust at individual things when they arise (like the farting when im at the table) and he says "oh sorry" but doesnt change his behaviour.

sue52 Thu 02-Jun-11 09:41:43

Didn't you have a chance to observe your DH's table manners before you married? If I knew someone who behaved like that, our relationship would not have progresses beyond the first date.

aldiwhore Thu 02-Jun-11 09:42:14

Yes film him!!

breathing Thu 02-Jun-11 09:42:24

sue its kind of developed over the years

sue52 Thu 02-Jun-11 09:44:57

Film him and show him how unpleasant he is. That behaviour would be the kiss of death for most people. You are a saint to have put up with it for so long.

expatinscotland Thu 02-Jun-11 09:48:10

Film him and put it on YouTube.

WhoAteMySnickers Thu 02-Jun-11 09:50:13

At mealtimes, you and your DSS go and sit in another room. When he asks why tell him it's because his table manners make you want to vomit. Would you let a child behave like that at the dinner table? So why would you put up with it from your husband?

Pictish Thu 02-Jun-11 09:50:53

YUCK!

LRDTheFeministDragon Thu 02-Jun-11 09:55:25

Talk to him about it sometime when you're not eating - then it'll feel more serious and less like a one-off personal attack. I would find it revolting too but if it has developed gradually and you only bring it up with him as he's eating, he may not realize how bad it is.

(Though, I like expat's suggestion too. grin)

Suncottage Thu 02-Jun-11 09:58:28

I would tell him very firmly that the family will eat separately until he learns some manners.

Is he stubborn though and will just put up with that situation and not even attempt to change just to be awkward?

I do feel for you though, bad table manners is a bit of a deal breaker for me. It makes me feel sick.

katvond Thu 02-Jun-11 10:38:30

OP well at least hes not as bad the one on here lastnight whos DH actually spat up green stuff on his plate and left her to clean it up. That thread was to horrid to think about,but I would film him and shame him

Pandemoniaa Thu 02-Jun-11 10:41:27

I'm amazed at these mannerless troughers and actually, I wouldn't sit at a table and eat a meal with someone who behaved like this. So I suggest moving yourself, and food, somewhere else and telling your DH that his eating habits are so disgusting that you can't enjoy a meal in his company.

Butterbur Thu 02-Jun-11 10:50:21

Nobody in our family wants to eat in the same room as DH unless we are all watching the telly and a) cannot hear the disgusting noise he makes and b) are watching something other than his face as he shovels in his food and chews it with his mouth open, pushing it around with his tongue, ramming in more beforehe'sevenswallowed. <and breathe>

He's always been like this. He's always hurt if it's mentioned. He never changes. And yes, he says his mum was always on about it too, so I'm not sure why he thinks the rules don't apply to him.

confuseddotcodotuk Thu 02-Jun-11 10:56:57

As I said on the other thread, YANBU, my Mum and Grandad are the same and I have to leave the room when they eat because it makes me feel really ill. I just got back from visiting my Mum at work and she even made eating cherries something absolutely disgusting and I just said goodbye and left her to it.

bubblecoral Thu 02-Jun-11 10:57:15

My dh has issues with food, which when we met were horrendous, but are now thankfully ok. But because of this, he had terrible table manners. He simply never learnt how to eat properly. I blame his mother entirely.

Anyway, I began my campaign to change this right at the beginning. He would either practically inhale his food if it was something he was comfortable with, or he would be awkward and just push it around the plate then dump a napkin on top if it wasn't something he was comfortable with. There were a couple of other undesirable habits too. I spent ages trying to make him see how horrible it was to eat in his presence, and eventually he stopped. He is much better now, but in the past occassionally he would slip back to old habits and I would simply refuse to eat with him. I never made a big deal about it, but I would eat in another room, or refuse his suggestions to go out to eat, which I know hurt his feelings but also made him realise that he had to change.

It's not easy breaking the habits, but it's worth it when eating together is something you can't avoid, and is supposed to be enjoyable.

Chandon Thu 02-Jun-11 11:00:21

I hate men who grunt when they eat.

PIL always does this, and DH sometimes, but I always comment....

DH also eats double quick, but having grown up very poor with 4 (!) brothers, they all used to eat quick as the bigger brothers used to nick things of their plates otherwise. grin I have given up on that one as it's ingrained too deep into his psyche I reckon grin.

breathing Thu 02-Jun-11 11:32:36

Its really unpleasant to be eating a meal opposite someone who lifts their butt cheeks and farts ....really unpleasant

bubblecoral Thu 02-Jun-11 11:52:49

That is more than just a bad habit breathing, it's plain rude and inconsiderate. And disrespectful to the others he is eating with.

I would refuse to eat with him if he is going to behave like that.

Spuddybean Thu 02-Jun-11 11:54:44

That sounds foul.
My boyfriend has been in the army and his table manners are horrible too. I have managed to stop him farting when i eat but he still wolfs food down then leaves the table while i'm still eating - even when i have cooked a 'romantic meal'. He doesnt use a knife and shovels huge chunks of food up american style, often dribbling it all down his chin, chasing food round his plate and then pushing it on the fork with his fingers.
My father eats with his mouth open and makes loud sloppy sounds and my mum mashes her food together so it looks chewed on her plate - i find it very hard to eat at thier house and feel nauseaus when i do.
I went out with a friend the other day who 'ate' the pots of ketchup and mayonnaise on the table with his fingers after practically inhaling his food and finishing everyones left overs.

I'm starting to feel like maybe it's just me who has table manners!
I like the idea of filming him, i may adopt that technique too! The problem is my boyfriend would probably watch it blankly and then ask what was wrong with it?!

Does your H eat like this when there are other people around ie when at work or in a cafe or restaurant? or is it just in front of you?

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