AIBU to think that my HVs are a bit shit?(21 Posts)
Just want to check if I am justified in being a bit pissed off about this. I went to my children's centre yesterday to have my almost 7mo DS weighed. I just went in because I hadn't had him weighed for about 2 months and during that time he'd started on solids. When I arrived there were 2 HVs (or possibly one HV and a student) sitting chatting and I was the only Mum there. I said hello and they both just smiled while carrying on their conversation about going to see Take That (so not a vital chat about a professional issue). I took my DS over to the changing table and gOt him undressed and took him over to the scales. One of the HVs came over and pressed the button on the scales, all the while chatting to the other woman. At this point she took my red book from me, barely even looking at me while I got DS dressed again. Once she'd written in the book she just said "that's 20lb 6oz in real money, handed me the book and went back to her conversation. At no point did anyone ask me how I was getting on, how DS was or whether he was weaned yet and the whole time I just felt like i was interrupting their conversation. So AIBU to expect my HV to show SOME interest when I go since this is the only real support available for mums in my area? Or am I just being precious?!
YANBU to expect more than the cursory treatment you got. Then again, there was clearly nothing wrong so there probably wasn't too much for them to talk to you about. Unless you get called up for a check or vaccination, I wouldn't bother going again. Waste of your time.
She seems a bit rude to me, i think i would have started a conversation with her just to get her full attention, hes a baby fgs not a bag of carrots!!!
Next time you go, make a point of having a conversation with her, ask how the take that concert went and let her know that you were ignored. In a tongue in cheek kind of way if you dont want to make an issue of it.
I think it's rude for anyone to carry on a conversation with a colleague when they have a 'customer' for want of a better word. However, you read on MN about such awful HV's that tbh I'd be pleased not to have to deal with one of those.
I found that going to baby clinic just to get the baby weighed was such a pita (crowded waiting area, long wait) that I bought baby weighing scales and did it at home. I only went to see my HV for developmental check ups.
Fair enough, I agree that as there is obviously nothing wrong with DS, there was no need for them to engage me in a conversation. I may be being old fashioned but I just feel that during the whole of my experience as a new Mum, there has been a distinct lack of actual care. I understand that there are problems with understaffing and pay freezes and low morale in the NHS (I'm a nurse myself) but I just feel there should be more to it than just going through the motions unless there is an actual problem. I think if I had got a problem or even just a query i would've been unlikely to raise it in this environment. I just think we should expect more from these people who have trained for years to do this job.
YA def NBU! I would have expected them to ask how things were going at the very least and not treat you and your DS like a piece of produce at a food counter!
Goes to show the massive difference in HV's - have just had DS (DC2) 16 days ago and our new HV came round yesterday to do the newborn handover from MW to HV and she was wonderful - very thorough and professional, but also very chatty and personal. She has already booked me in for another home visit in the middle of July as I am currently on crutches for a knee ligament injury and awaiting surgery - so she is more than happy to visit us, rather than me traipsing across the city to visit them!
What they should have asked you was is everything going ok, any concerns etc etc?? I'm also a nurse and have had the
pleasure of working within the HV team for 6 months. They do have a shit job with all the child abuse cases but the majority that I worked with said they enjoyed baby clinics the most. However I also have a 7 month old now and i absolutely HATE going to clinics the HV's talk to you as if you know nothing about having children, weaning, and if you do have any real concerns send you to the gp . In your particular case they were just RUDE and should have know better!! Hope it goes better for you next time xxxx
Yanbu. Poor you. I remember when dc where that age and it can be lonely.
Very rude! And very unprofessional too!
What if you'd plucked up the courage to go for a chat about feeling down or something was worrying you? Your ds may look fine, but that's not the point!
Sorry but YABU as you didn't say anything. It's no good moaning about something after the event. Your post said you only wanted DS weighed, and that's what they did. OK they could have been more professional and stopped talking but you got exactly what you went in for.
If you have wanted to talk to them about something would you have left without talking to them rather than interrupt their conversation?
YANBU, rude and unprofessional.
I agree with Catsu, isn't the HV supposed to have a responsibility to the well being of the mother as well as the baby? You could have been on the verge of a breakdown and just hoping that someone would just ask "so how are you keeping?"
I think they've failed miserably.
V rude. Sounds like she would be rude in any job, not just as a HV. I'm so lucky - mine is worth her weight in gold. I think she's about 10 stone.
UKSky, I might not have left without interrupting if i did have a query, but someone with less confidence than me may well have - surely the point of these clinics is to provide an environment that encourages new and inexperienced mothers to air their problems and concerns and I felt that they didn't do that. I know from experience through my own job that often it is the casual chit chat that unearths problems and concerns. Just having a quick chin wag can open the door for people to air what they are worried about. I know this isn't a major deal, but I think we're all just so used to getting a bit if a crap service that it's almost as if we're pleased when someone isn't actually rude or grossly negligent!
Is your ds okay? Has he taken to weaning? How are you? Nice this age isn't it, when they're more aware of the world?
That took about 6 seconds to type, if that. And it's not my job. But I am genuinely interested. Everything okay?
The last time I saw a hv she gave me a long list of why I should stop bfing dd (including it was time for a second baby, dh must be frustrated with the lack of sex- evidently, you can't bf and have a sex life- I must be horribly anaemic and I might die). I never, ever, ever went back.
yoshi, exactly! In fact I have actually been suffering with PND which was picked up by my Mum who encouraged me to go to the GP. I did and am now on medication (GP is lovely, no complaints there). At no point since the birth of my son has anyone from the MW or HV team mentioned PND to me or done any kind of check for it.
and i thought HVs were an overworked underappreciated lotwho had too much on their plates <<honestly i did>>
show he's perfect thanks, it is a brilliant age, he is so interested in everything now. He's taken to weaning really well and eats everything i put in front of him! And I'm fine, thanks very much for asking!
I'm glad you're fine. And that you've got people in rl looking out for you. I found the first few months shockingly difficult and actually found it really difficult to walk into the hv clinic at all. I had a brilliant hv at the time (some are lovely) who spotted straight away that I was struggling but in the nicest way managed to talk to me about it.
I AM working on cloning her.
Good plan show, I'm sure there are good ones out there - good luck with the cloning, keep me updated on the progress!
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