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We cheated on each other, can we stay together?

(4 Posts)
chantillygrace Wed 01-Jun-11 23:51:13

Three years ago I went out drinking with my friends for a very overdue night out. I was very very drunk and ready to go home, I called DH who was supposed to come and collect me but he didn't answer. Literally my next memory was waking up next to another man. I've never felt so awful and couldn't explain even how it happened. I left without speaking to him, went home and found DH fuming I hadn't come home. I felt such remorse, I never told him I cheated.

Recently, after having our DS we've been having some problems, I found DH on a dating website, he had been calling and texting another woman for months, and we briefly broke up.

He now tells me that the phone bill I found was basically just his life, he's been seeing this woman for over a year. I know I shouldn't be a hypocrite but I was hurt. I took DS and left.

That was 2 weeks ago... He's just called saying he wants to work it out. Is it even worth it? I love him so much but obviously if we could both do this to each other then what is there?

AIBU to even try??

shakey1500 Wed 01-Jun-11 23:56:24

Well there are two things going on here, totally separate. Yours, whilst still "cheating" wasn't premeditated, his was. So non comparable imo. You felt instant remorse, he may have felt remorse but not sufficiently enough to stop it before a year.

You need a serious talk. So, do you want it to work? Do you believe he really does? Did he end the relationship because you found out or was it his descision etc?

It CAN work but takes an awful lot of talking it out, finding out what went wrong and why. Trust has to be rebuilt and a line drawn somehwere along the way. It's not impossible but it depends on a lot of things and is bloody hard work. Good luck whatever you decide.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 02-Jun-11 00:01:40

I'd say that if he's been having an affair for over a year, that's not going to patch up all that easily because he's got a nice habit going on and it'll be tough to break. Plus, because you know about it, you're not going to forget it and you'll find it hard to trust him. Your fling could have been brushed under the carpet because you kept it to yourself. However, if all it takes to get you in bed with someone else is that your husband doesn't come and collect you from a night out...maybe you don't really 'love him so much'? Wanting to work it out isn't a bad start. But it'll be an extremely long road back for everyone... mostly you.

AuntiePickleBottom Thu 02-Jun-11 00:05:41

are you sure you even cheated, nothing could of happened in that mans bed.

it can be worked out, but as long as you talk it through and slowly build up the trust again and never throw the affair while in an argument

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