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To not want to bother with this 'friend' anymore?

(18 Posts)
CandyS Wed 01-Jun-11 23:23:16

I made passing reference to this in another thread, and thought what the heck lets see what the unbiased MN rowdy lot think grin
Sorry it's so long, just wanted to get all the info in!

I’ve been friends with Ana for 10 years. In that time she has had three boyfriends, each time he is THE ONE & she seems to forget her mates, all our ex-mutual friends stopped talking to her after she dumped them for the second 'THE ONE', I hung on. She started dating Max in March (haven't seen her since, she’s been ‘busy’).

I bought us gig tickets, just before she started dating Max, so I could take her for her birthday in August & last week she asked me if she gave me the money for my ticket, could she take Max instead, as the gig is now sold out & she'd love to go with him.

Last week Ana asked me if I would be happy going to the GUM clinic with her, as she wants to get the all clear before sleeping with Max (she contracted an STI from ex, so is worried she got something else from him), I was happy to go with her. She said she’ll get time off work this week to go. I hear nothing back from her.
She then texts me on Friday night to say she doesn’t need to go anymore as she’s just slept with Max, without a condom. Max lives with his EX (they’re trying to sell atm), and up until Max started dated Ana, he was fuck buddies with his ex (Ana assures me Max hasn’t slept with Ex since). I questioned Ana’s judgement on this, but she says it’s cool as Max is a really nice guy; he walked her home from his & everything!

Last night, Ana & I were supposed to go out, and she text me a few hours before we were due to meet and tells me ‘Max & his mates have invited me to a bar, which is serving half price alcohol before 7pm, are you happy to come to this?' to which I reply; ‘I'm pregnant atm...so not really up for drinking', Anna replies 'Woops! Forgot you were pregnant, oh well, we'll have to do something some other time then!'
So I sent her a bit of an arsey post on FB which read; 'Did you fancy doing something next week which doesn't turn into 'tag along with my boyf & I'?, she deleted it without commenting

The only other ex-mutual friend of Ana & me left cannot believe how much she's changed since getting with Max; she is still my friend, Ana stopped talking to her last week because she dared questioned Max’s intentions/the age difference as Max is 20 years older..I have no problem with an age difference as DH is 12 years older than me.

I've already fb defriended her (oooh! Makes it official!), but she hasn't bothered trying to text/email/phone to find out why & tbh, I'm so sick of being dumped when she gets a new love of her life that I can't be arsed with her anymore. DH seems to think she deserves another chance (fourth time lucky!).

pigletmania Wed 01-Jun-11 23:26:38

Live and let live, just don't bother, put her in the past you have already made that break and decision.

squeakytoy Wed 01-Jun-11 23:27:50

Well, I will give her her dues, she waited 4 months before sleeping with the guy, which is fairly outstanding in this day and age.....

sunnydelight Wed 01-Jun-11 23:29:47

It sounds like she doesn't add anything to your life and you have already given her plenty of chances so move on. I would have been really hurt at the ticket thing tbh, that really was rude beyond belief.

JeremyKylesPetProject Wed 01-Jun-11 23:30:32

Nope. All her chances are blown wouldn't you say? She's a 'fairweather' friend.

Jajas Wed 01-Jun-11 23:30:37

Haven't read it all but seriously hope that you have changed their names for this hmm.

PaddingtonStare Wed 01-Jun-11 23:31:29

How rude! You buy her a ticket so that you can take her out for her birthday and then she wants to buy it off you so she can go with Max instead? shock

Then, fair enough, she asks if you want to start another night out in a bar with Max and friends (hopefully just for a quick half and then off with you elsewhere but I somehow doubt it), and when you decline because you're not up for a boozy night just dumps you in favour of that new arrangement?

Cheeky cow!

No, there is no way she'd get another chance with me. Your DH is far too forgiving.

And as for "Max no longer sleeps with his ex", yeah right darling, and I'm a banana. In the grounds of stupid and careless with her and Max's sexual health, she'd go, I just couldn't be bothered with the drama that's bound to be forthcoming.

Give it a few weeks until she/Max have a STD, she's pg or she's discovered that he's still shagging his ex and she'll be back, needy and a PITA. Do you really want that?

YASoNBU

tiredmomma Wed 01-Jun-11 23:36:15

How old is this 'friend'? she sounds a bit ... 14 ish to be honest.

CandyS Wed 01-Jun-11 23:44:21

jajas, haven't changed my name, changed their names though!

tiredmomma she's 25 (2 years older than me!).

PaddingtonStare, can't see why DH wants me to give her another chance, he's getting a free gig in August out of it grin

I guess I gave her a few more chances than I normally would, just because she's my oldest friend...

Jajas Wed 01-Jun-11 23:45:11

Oh that's ok then phew grin!

thelittlestkiwi Wed 01-Jun-11 23:48:31

YANBU.

It's sort of natural for people to spend less time with their pals when in the first stages of a relationship. But cancelling and the tickets thing is way too much.

BagofHolly Wed 01-Jun-11 23:56:02

Sounds like she's already left your friendship. I'm shaking my head in dismay at her silliness though - isolating herself - and Mr Still With My Wife hardly sounds catch of the year. You're well rid. Bin her.

malibustac Wed 01-Jun-11 23:57:11

Definitely NBU steer clear, don't sell her the tickets and enjoy the gig yourself (who is it btw?). I assume she only waited so long to sleep with him due to her STI? Bet they both end up with something. She needs to take her heaad out of the clouds he's still fuck buddIes with his ex and she now has no friends.

iamkirsty Thu 02-Jun-11 00:01:29

What a knobber. Get rid!

Fecklessdizzy Thu 02-Jun-11 00:01:49

Oooo-er. So, wouldn't recognise loyalty if it climbed up her leg and bit her on the bum but how much do you want to bet that when the whole Max farrago goes horribly wrong ( and it will! ) she's going to be camped on your doorstep wailing and expecting you to rally round and pick up the bits?

Run away now.

iamkirsty Thu 02-Jun-11 00:02:26

And yes, take your DH to the gig, enjoy yourself! :D

FreudianSlipper Thu 02-Jun-11 00:02:54

can you not see she is a bit desperate and once a man comes into her life she wants to jsut please him

either accept that is the way she is or move on, i would be inclined if i cared to feel sorry that she is this way because one day she will realise what a fool she is being

if you do not care anymore then move on, friendships change some are for life, soem are casual others are not

going Thu 02-Jun-11 00:08:29

I would see her as one of these friends who just dip in and out of your life. Don't cut her off completely, however tempting after asking to buy your ticket, just accept the friendship has changed.

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