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In wanting a bit of mental space?

(8 Posts)
pasqueflower Wed 01-Jun-11 20:41:24

So, I have a very busy job & 2 teenagers (1 an adult) plus a dh and younger dc (14) who really don't get it that if I say I don't want to be disturbed for a short time unless it's life-or-death, that's what I mean.

Example one: I gave up going to yoga classes because they didn't fit in with other family needs, but resolved to set aside some time to practice yoga at home. So, I tell everyone in the house I'm going to do half an hour's yoga, lock the bedroom door and say "do not disturb - treat it as though I'm out at a yoga class, I'll pick it up when I'm 'back'."

A phone call from work comes, dh bangs on the door for me to come to phone. My reasoning is that, if I was at a yoga class, I wouldn't have been able to answer it anyway. Dh and rest of family can always let the answering machine get it, but they never do.

Example 2 - dh is in work. I've just come in after a 10-hour day out at work, cleaned up mess dc have left in kitchen (to be fair, they had made dinner) and am sitting down with aforesaid meal and wine with dc.

Phone goes, I ask dc2 not to answer it, or if she does, say I'm "out". She answers it, dh on phone, demands I come to phone to speak to him (so I think it's urgent) whereupon all he wants to know if we can make a date in the future to have dinner with a colleague.

Then he's miffed when I say I'll look it up in diary when he gets home and we can text his colleague to let him know (rather than let my long-awaited dinner get cold and wine warm!)

Surely, it's not too much too ask? Dh does have problems being assertive with people, but I'm getting royally P***ed off with his, and rest of family's, understanding that I need a bit of head space now and again.

Or aibu?

redexpat Wed 01-Jun-11 20:47:08

Doesn't sound unreasonable. Could you bring it up next time everyone is round the dinner table?

FabbyChic Wed 01-Jun-11 20:48:10

YOu are not being unreasonable.

YOu are entitled to a bit of peace. If you can't get it in the house, then leave the house.

Meow75 Wed 01-Jun-11 20:50:02

Bring up examples of your family needing their own "head space" just to make them realise what you need.

pasqueflower Wed 01-Jun-11 20:54:59

Thanks. I didn't think it was unreasonable, but I'm running out of ideas of how I can get through to dh and younger dc - the elder one understands.

I think part of the problem is that dh hates saying "no" to anyone (other than me!) and is unable to tell people I'm not available when they want me.

Honeybee79 Wed 01-Jun-11 20:58:11


Over the summer months, is there a park you can go to or a nice quiet cafe (leaving the phone at home . . . ). MY DH has similar issues. I have to go out or arrange for everyone else to be out!

FabbyChic Wed 01-Jun-11 21:00:59

Unplug the house phone when you are chilling and turn your mobile on silent.

pasqueflower Wed 01-Jun-11 21:10:06

Yes, I think I will have to go out Honeybee - but I'm out at work such a lot, and we have a lovely house I'd just like to relax in.

It's really about getting dh in particular to respect my boundaries and stop saying "yes" to other people - but that's something he's always done.

Covertly unplugging the house phone sounds like a brilliant idea Fabbychic - perhaps I'll pretend there's an imminent thunderstorm as he always unplugs everything then.

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