To be considering kicking DP out so I can go back on benefits, fed up of being fucked financially?

[worriedsinglemum]

I have namechanged for this. Its tongue in cheek, I wouldn't really, I love him, he really is great and a good "stepdad" to my dc. they adore him and I love living with him but I hate constantly struggling.

DP moved in with me and my 2 dc few months ago and I had been a single mum on benefits for a while up till that point. We informed the relevant authorities and my HB and IS was stopped completely and my child tax credit has been cut by about a 3rd. We get about £50 a week CTC (for now, have just filled in renewal so could change, and, I suspect, won't be for the better) plus child benefit. X doesnt work so he can't contribute towards DC. I can't believe how skint we are since he has moved in and TBH it is already affecting our (usually great) relationship in lots of shitty ways. we can't afford anything other than the bare basics and I am sick of having no spare money.

He earns 22k. He pays the rent and CT at my place, which is £500. He pays £250 a month maintenance to X who he has dc with, he has debts which the repayments are about £200 pcm at the moment. Then with food, gas, electric, dc clothes and his diesel to get to work on top, All of that comes to more than he earns. So the rest is covered by the CTC and CB I receive. When we lived separately he was in a houseshare so his rent/bills were minimal and we had lots of nights out etc and treats, we even went on holiday abroad for a week. That won't happen this year.

I can't really work in the day atm as the childcare would wipe out anything I could earn. (dc are 2 and 4 so only one in school and thats only pt) I am looking for evening work but there is bugger all about atm. And it would be shit to have to go out to work in the evening, we'd barely see eachother.

I'm sick of it. I was so much happier in some ways as a single parent. But I want to be a proper family and all live under the same roof.

[expatinscotland]

How long does he have to pay on his debts?

Sorry things are tough, but it looks like you'll need to keep looking for evening/weekend work until he gets rid of the debt and then things will be better.

[ninah]

ctc may pay a proportion of your childcare - if so, get a job!

[ninah]

sorry that was wtc.

[expatinscotland]

They earn too much for WTC.

[squeakytoy]

If your ex isnt working, why cant he look after his own children during the day while you go to work?

[ninah]

oh of course. So you don't get the childcare help, yes that scuppers you somewhat

[tiredgranny]

i thought threshold for wtc was 50k ask hb to look at claim again they should take into consideration maint he is paying

[expatinscotland]

'i thought threshold for wtc was 50k ask hb to look at claim again they should take into consideration maint he is paying'

It's never been that high for Working Tax Credits. For CTC is was quite high till recently, but not now.

hmrc

[expatinscotland]

Don't see why his maintenance should be lowered because he moved in with a partner who has children.

[welshbyrd]

I really feel for you. Our household is the same, we have just had desicion on renewal of tc, and its dropped by £40p/w, yet our rent, and ct has gone up.

I was working until 2 years ago, when we had our DD, I was working evenings 4.30pm - 10pm, my DH does not come home from work until 6pm, and my job was a 20 minute drive, so my job went out the window, most daycare etc, finish at 5pm around here
I really feel for you

[SpringchickenGoldBrass]

Is he already on some sort of managed payment plan for his debts? If not, he should probably look at getting on one: send him to the CAB.

[adamschic]

You will qualify for help with childcare costs. Seems to me it's only single parents, renting their home, or those who live with wealthy partners who can afford to be sahm nowadays.

[rainbowinthesky]

Dh worked nights for years to cut down on childcare costs. You do what you have to do...

[smudgethepuppydog]

Has he been back to his creditors since he move din with you to try and rejig his payments?

Have you asked the Consumer Credit Counselling Service if they can help?

[expatinscotland]

Or try selling something, like Avon or Phoenix cards or something?

The reality is you'd be moved onto JSA in a few years anyhow so it's probably best to get back into some sort of work now.

The X should be taking them, too, if he's not in work.

[JulesJules]

I think you would get a bit of help towards childcare costs from tax credits - why don't you give them a ring, and yes, they should take your DP's maintenance payments into account.

Is there a reason your non working X can't look after the children if you got a job?

I know it's hard, but think of it as a short term thing - if you get a job evenings/weekends it need not be for ever, and once your DP has paid off his debts & the children are at school it will be easier.

[GypsyMoth]

x if on jsa,should be paying £5 a week

[dolldaggabuzzbuzz]

Your DP's maintenance payments should be lowered now that he is living with you and supporting your DCs. He should ask CSA to reassess his payments.

[saffy85]

Sucks don't it? When I finish my maternity leave and SMP ends I'm looking to get an evening job somehow as I just can not afford childcare for both DC. It largely depends on whether DP works even longer hours than he does now. If that's the case I wont be able to if he can't guarantee he'd be home to look after them. Either way we wont see as much as eachother.

Mind you, we're seeing eachother loads right now and doing eachothers' heads in

[squeakytoy]

Bit unfair on his own children though isnt it? Why should they lose out because their father has moved in with someone else.

The Ops ex should be supporting his own children.

[ObiWan]

It sounds as though your DP had far more disposible income before he moved in with you, has he sacrificed this happily?
If he feels as you do, moving out again will be an option but might not do wonders for your relationship.

Are you in a position to earn more than him? If so, perhaps you could work during the day. And certainly, if your ex is available to look after the children, then he should.

Otherwise, large 24HR supermarkets often recruit for night-staff. Have you sent in an application and asked for it to be kept on file?
You are getting a pretty good deal here, your DP is paying the rent, council tax, food and utility bills, but you still refer to the family home as 'your place'.

You seem to resent the fact that your CTC and CB have to contribute to the household income.
Many families are in your position wrt one partner working days and the other working nights/weekends, because they are aware that money will not just fall into their lap. You do not need benefits at the moment, they should not be a lifestyle choice.

[saffy85]

Eh? Is that true? The OP's DP shoul pay less maintentance now he's shacked up with her? How is that fair? Hope he doesn't. Would be hugely unfair to his DC to give them less to support his new girlfriend's kids.

Don't know the OP's ex's circumstances but shouldn't he pull his finger out and get a job to take care of his children.

[3ismylot]

So you think the government should basically pay for you to have all the little extras that you are missing out on?
You and you're DP chose to live together and I presume you discussed the fact that he would have to pay the majority due to you not earning so why are you now moaning?

DH and I have 3 children (5yo and 2yo twins) I cant work as it would cost way more in childcare than I would earn and DH earns 18k and we manage perfectly fine but dont get to go out very often and have had 1 holiday in 5 years -its called life and prioritising family over selfish wants!!

You need to decide what you really want
To be a family and pay your own way or be a single Mum and get supported by the government as you really cant have it both ways!!

[SpringchickenGoldBrass]

I forgot to suggest the Avon/Bettaware etc option, this is great for mothers of small DC as you can fit it round them/take them with you. Also, he should be looking to cut payments to his creditors not his own DC - there should be some room for negotiation with the people he owes even if it's council tax.