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I over reacted didn't I?

(60 Posts)
TheLadyEvenstar Tue 31-May-11 22:22:56

DS1 has had 2 days filming at this school after being picked for a part in a channel 4 production.

So I gave him my trust and allowed him to go.

Last night the filming ended at 6.15pm he got home around 6.40.

Tonight he was meant to go from school straight to my mums which is about the same distance from school to home.

At 6.45 I called the school to see if filmong had finished to be told it was over running by an hr 45minutes. So I thought it would be safer for me to meet him, left home and got to the school at 7.30.

Waited a while and no sign of DS1, tried his phone and no answer. So called mum who said she had just spoken to him and had told him to come back to me. Waited a few minutes and still no sign of him so phoned him again and he told me that he couldn't be bothered to come back.

I told him he had no choice but to come back.
I walked up the road he told me he was at the other end of to me, and there was no sign so I called him again and he told me he was at the pther end now. I walked back down it and was halfway when I called him and said you have not passed me so where are you. He said again he was at the other end of the road to me and was outside his school.

I crossed over the road and as I did looked to my left and there running out of a VERY dodgy estate was DS1. I am ashamed to admit I did yell at him to move his backside.

This estate is very bad, drug deals take place there, it is muggers paradise it is awful. I am furious as he had no need to be there.

I then took him to my mums myself as I was so angry with him and all the way he was telling me I was an embarrassment, had no right to go near his school, Should not have gone to his school, needed to let him live his life etc. This went on until we got to my mums and he then started with the attitude to her.

I have told him and my mum that I don't care who asks him over the next few days while he is with her, that he is not under any circumstances allowed to go out with the other children in the family unless an adult is with them as he has again proven he cannot be trusted to be where he is meant to be.

I must add this is not the first time he has done a disappearing act. But he has recently been chatting to a girl on FB who I have to say I disapprove of, when she is sending him messages that 12yr old girls should NOT be sending and I have told him he is to have nothing to do with her.

So AIBU to stop him going out without an adult and to also take his expensive phone away from him and give him a more basic one. Until he can prove he is trustworthy.

squeakytoy Tue 31-May-11 22:25:05

How old is he?

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 31-May-11 22:27:18

12

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 31-May-11 22:28:09

I must also add he is going to be 13 in July and also has aspergers.

MumblingRagDoll Tue 31-May-11 22:28:22

Well yes yabu. He was visiting a friend I suppose...he was rude...but some of his mates may live on that estate. YABU for assuming that ALL an estate has to offer is shit and drugs.

squeakytoy Tue 31-May-11 22:29:15

You do sound quite over-protective. And telling him to have "nothing to do with" a girl will be like a red rag to a bull and will probably make him even more interested in her... smile

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 31-May-11 22:32:20

Mumbling, he was meant to be in school. Not visiting friends - which I have to say the few he does have are not particularly nice children.
As for the estate it is notorious for trouble and is Muggers paradise. Many People who are fortunate enough to move off of there refuse to visit it.

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 31-May-11 22:33:47

Squeaky the girl is sending him messages

"I like the boys to touch me up"
"I let and *** touch me so that * would dump me"

she is 12, yes I will stop him having anything to do with her.

LynetteScavo Tue 31-May-11 22:33:52

You probably over reacted, but I would have reacted in exactly the same way.





And I'm an ace parent. grin

BeerTricksPotter Tue 31-May-11 22:34:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadamDeathstare Tue 31-May-11 22:37:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 31-May-11 22:37:19

These are facts taken from a site.

It is the largest housing estate in Europe.

is considered the most notorious estate in the United Kingdom

The 2,700 dwellings were designed to house a population of roughly 10,000 residents,

However as old tenants moved out and new tenants came in, the estate went through a period of decline in the 1980s. The area is now considered to be in the bottom category on the ACORN classification for inner city adversity, signifying an area of extremely high social disadvantage.[3] Crime is highly prevalent in parts of the estate with the Guardian newspaper recently reporting a crime taking place every four hours

On Boxing Day 2007, a resident was shot in the communal garden by the Chartridge building of the estate: disappointment was expressed that the body had lain undiscovered for more than 24 hours

ohhappyday Tue 31-May-11 22:38:34

YADNBU - He totally disobeyed you I would have been furious. He gets the phone etc back when he can prove he can be trusted. I would also be considering removing the computer (this would also solve your face book issue).

You must have been worried sick. I know how you feel, honestly I do

cannydoit Tue 31-May-11 22:38:57

yes that is all he is 12 not 8. if you keep on like this you will just make him lie to you all the time. you also really cant stop him seeing people that he wants to again he will just lie to you about it especially if its a girl he likes.

amberleaf Tue 31-May-11 22:44:34

Do his school friends live on the estate?

If so then what exactly is wrong with him being there?

Thingumy Tue 31-May-11 22:48:28

sod the facebook account.

He'll live without it.

Not sure why taking away a expensive phone will help-any basic phone with credit will be used if a teen wants to chat or text.

Guess you need to start to lay down solid ground rules and stick with them.

MumblingRagDoll Tue 31-May-11 22:49:04

Lady if I lived near that estate I would not be letting my son walk home at 6.40 to my Mums. I would be collecting him. Therein lies your trouble.

6.15 is not 3.30 when all the other kids are walking home...it's early evening.

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 31-May-11 22:51:28

Ok, I will explain.

DS1 has not got any friends he has a few children who he talks to, but these really are not friends.

Yes he is 12 but really has no sense of danger. It was asked of him what he would do if someone asked him (implying a grown up in this scenario) to go and see their collection of Dr who memorabilia (SP) and his reply was "I'd go" so it was then asked of him what he would do if that person tried to get him into their home and his reply was " I wouldn't go I'd ask them to bring it out".

He really has no sense of danger, as unbelievable as that may seem it is true.

Amber, if he did have friends I would still not want him on the estate it is terrible. I am 36 and would not walk through there alone.

Mandy2003 Tue 31-May-11 22:52:55

OMG I remember going there in about 1981 as I had a mate who was squatting there prior to demolition!!! Is it still standing? People still have to live there?

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 31-May-11 22:53:00

Mumbling, Sorry I didn't explain it properly.

He was meant to come out of the front gate of school straight to the bus stop - nowhere near the estate! He decided to go through the back gate and onto the estate.

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 31-May-11 22:54:20

Mandy, it is going to be demolished they are slowly moving people out of there.

worraliberty Tue 31-May-11 22:56:24

Excuse my ignorance but i thought people with Aspergers had trouble breaking rules and generally stick to them by the letter? Or does that just depend on the person?

Mandy2003 Tue 31-May-11 22:56:53

THIRTY YEARS to have been moving people out though? Isn't there a major, major campaign to get the situation resolved NOW?

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 31-May-11 22:57:56

Worraliberty he has aspergers and ODD - oppositional defiance disorder. 2 very conflicting conditions. Plus hitting the teenage years.

Thingumy Tue 31-May-11 22:58:45

If he has no sense of danger then why you have to remove the option of walking back from school/grans/'friends' alone until he can prove he be trustworthy and also remain safe.

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