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to want to say: sod it, organise it yourself

(9 Posts)
macmat Tue 31-May-11 19:22:56

I rather stupidly said at the PTA AGM that I was willing to help, not fussed about the job role. So I was assigned assistant with fund raising. The person in charge of fund raising is also the chair of governors and she basically runs the entire school. She is very effective in what she does, but she does it with a lot or martyrdom and she is a control freak.

A lot of us other parents would like to do things a little differently but till now, no-one has ever really dared suggest an opinion.

So now we're trying to organise an event. She has a lot on her plate so I offered my services and asked for a bit of info about how far it had already been organised. I was given a brief overview. So I suggested some ideas prefacing it all with 'I'm not sure if you've already covered this or not....' as I didn't want to step on toes, but equally would like to put forward some ideas in relation to this event.

Her response to every email has been patronising with a 'this is the way we will do it' tone of voice. And I mean every single email has been this way. I was eventually graciously allowed to create a flyer to advertise the event. I did so. I showed it to the other mums I'm friends with first to gauge opinion, because I wanted to be sure this wasn't just me with 'way out' ideas. They liked it and said go for it. I sent it off.

The response has unsurprisingly been: No, we need to use a different font with this wording and these images.

I mean seriously, why bother asking for help if you are such a control freak? What's more, I violently disagree with her ideas. I think it is the same old lame thing. I do marketing for a living. I am sure we could hold far more successful events if we just changed things up a bit.

I am very close to telling her to knob off. Except I won't as it's a small school and would cause untold problems. But I cannot imagine having to bow down before her every decision from here on it. And equally I don't want to just skive off and not participate so that she can complain again about having to do it all herself.

Sigh. Rant over. And I have name changed on the off chance I am discovered by her. Although if she finds this, she might guess who I am from the details given.

BitOfFun Tue 31-May-11 19:25:47

I would step down and suggests she get one of the brighter children to follow her instructions instead.

macmat Wed 01-Jun-11 09:43:16

BitofFun, I am trying to word an email to her right now. Might just copy your suggestion and wait for the implosion

aldiwhore Wed 01-Jun-11 09:50:40

Make sure you copy in the headteacher and other PTA commitee members in your important emails... also always reply to all. This has stopped our PTA chairman from being patronising. Don't rise to rudeness, be exceptionally polite, and in meetings, tell people that as you have new ideas, you're happy to run with them alone in conjunction with the Dinosaur.

Our PTA chairman is a saleswoman, and has great strengths, but it isn't the Apprentice, its FUNdraising we're doing, and she's in danger of sucking our souls dry with her full on business approach... so a few of us have got together and given her clear, very important roles... and we TELL her we're dealing with stuff and if she steps on OUR toes, we tell her straight. She's brilliant she really is, but if you let her loose, she's a nightmare. Sounds like everyone is scared of the ramifications of standing up to your nightmare woman.

Don't be scared. Don't get angry. But certainly do be pro-active, there is only so much power she can wield. If she flips out, let her flip out. Always 'reply to all' in emails so everyone can see your mail and her responses... don't send too many though. lol

kreecherlivesupstairs Wed 01-Jun-11 09:51:41

And this is why I try to steer clear of the PTA. IME of four schools, they are generally run by women with far too much time on their hands who are passive agressive to the nth degree.

macmat Wed 01-Jun-11 10:06:43

aldiwhore I have been doing all you say, particuarly the being polite. I've decided that in this instance, I shall let things unfold as she wishes. But for future fundraisers, I'm getting a sub-committee together to take control. Life is just too short for this kind of nonsense.

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern Wed 01-Jun-11 10:16:07

You have my sympathy we have the same at our school.
We have the same people doing the same things every year and they are so not prepared to be open to any new ideas.
TBH a couple of us have just taken the approach that at our monthly meetings bring up the things that one woman in particular has disregarded at various sub comittee meetings with the result we are going ahead with most of them as the others like the ideas.

I just don't get why she whinges about not having the time to do this or that yet takes it all on and then we are scrabbling around at the last minute trying to pin her down as to what she actually done.

LindyHemming Wed 01-Jun-11 10:16:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

risingstar Wed 01-Jun-11 10:23:46


just email and say "whilst i have been grateful to have the opportunity to be involved, i realise that you seem to have all bases covered. Should, in the future, you find yourselves shorthanded and need to use my talents is XYZ then please let me know."

you will never hear from her again

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