to envy my husband's perceived freedom????(10 Posts)
Ok so hubby is planning to attend day 2 of a stag at end July in a place around 150 miles away (travelling by car.....) problem is i will be left at home with 3 kids inc 4-week old (baby due end June by el/c-section)
Hubby has started a new job so there will be no paternity leave to support me with other two who are good and very able but WILL get bored during July when on school hols and i am limited in terms of where i can take them....
am not standing in his way but am miffed that the opps always seem to go his way.. so yes i am envious. however if i suggested to him that it's all a bit soon after birth of third child/post-op etc would i be being unreasonable? I am anxious about my own ability to cope and am worried this could be driving my thinking...
Can't sort this out properly in my head.... should add we cant go to the wedding as it's taking place abroad and the groom is a close friend.... would really welcome your feedback on this.......
If you don't think you can cope YAdefinitelyNBU to tell him he will be needed to look after his children. You could consider getting in help while he is away - the cost of that being added to the cost of the whole stag. It would be a shame if he couldn't do anything to help celebrate a close friend getting married, but his own family should come first.
I chalk up nights away and make damn sure that I get to go away with my friends on occasion so that it is equal.
4 week old is very young do you have any friends or relatives near by that the older ones could spend time with? Does your DH regularily spend time away or is this a rare occurence, are these friends that he doesn't see regularily? Depends v much on your relationship, if its important to him and if he isn't away often and these are close friends then I would try to make it happen for him - but do chalk up the time away!
He is going to the second day of a stag do? SO he is having 1 day to himself?
Surely you'll be ok looking after your 3 children for one day? Perhaps you could get a friend round for some help that day? Presumably if you haven't recovered enough fro your C-section (hopefully not) then he wouldn't go and leave you incapable of lifting/carrying the baby?
Oh, and arrange a day off for yourself one day too!
For me if it was an overnight stay (can't tell from your post, assume he will stay 1 night at that distance) then I think he should skip it really, 3 kinds inc a newborn after a c-sec is too much. If just for the day perhaps you could draft in some help? And make it his responsibility to arrange said help?
Does he have to give a firm yes/no in advance, or can he be a bit flexible about it, especially if he's not staying overnight so no need to book accommodation? Then you can wait and see how you're feeling at the time, it's difficult to predict how well you'll have recovered, how easy/difficult the new baby is to cope with.
I don't think he's unreasonable to want to spend one day with his friend, but if you feel like it's always that way and you never get any 'freedom' or time to yourself, then that's a problem you need to discuss.
My dh does a lot of things, just last year he went skiing in February and to the World Cup in June when ds was 6mo and dd was 3.5yo. He was gone for two weeks. I honestly don't mind him going, but whenever I say, 'Oh I never go anywhere', he points out that is my choice and that he would never stop me, and he is right. I don't like to leave them for extended periods of time, which is up to me.
But sometimes I envy how easily he does and how much he trusts that they will be OK.
Gosh he does do a lot of things then. Ok at the very least take a tally of how much these things cost and at least pretend you are going to take a trip to NY or somewhere marvellous in the future, might at least make him think a wee bit.
i wouldn't be happy about it - i was on my own a lot from when dc3 was born (my dear FIL was terminally ill so dh was doing a 6 hour round trip to see him every few days for the first 2 months of dd's life) and it was incredibly difficult though i was lucky enough to have some help from my family... obviously it was totally reasonable that DH wanted to spend time with his dad and we all coped one way or another, but if it was time off for jollies i would have been upset at being de-prioritised.
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