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to think this about dog-owners?

(127 Posts)
Catmilk Mon 30-May-11 19:34:39

10 Things That Piss Me Off About Dogs And Their Owners

First of all, I don't hate dogs. I love my brother's dog, and I'll make friends with any canine in my immediate vicinity. They're mostly cute and loving and blah blah blah. But....

1. A dog's unconditional love is not a beautiful thing. They have no choice. What are they going to do, pack their bags one day and 'screw you, I'm getting my own place?' They love you, or whoever the hell buys them, because you give them food and shelter and they are pack animals forced to hang around with a human. They 'love' a junkie who beats them, or a drunk old racist crank. They are the sluts of the animal world.

2. Dog owners generally couldn't give a monkeys if their little 'babies' make other people sick with allergies, or have to step in their disgusting poop. Sure the law says scoop it up or you'll get a fine, but before that how many dog owners took any responsibility for filling the streets and parks with potentially child-blinding sh*t? Maybe three?

3. Dogs aren't babies.

4. Most kids are scared of dogs, especially strange ones. Most of us can probably remember being chased by some barking animal bigger than us while the owner laughed and said 'Don't worry he won't bite you.' How would they like it if I came round to their house and wielding an axe shouting at their kids 'I'm going to chop you up hahaha!', then said 'Don't worry, I won't really.'

5. And sometimes they do bite.

6. 'My dogs got me through my divorce, they were always there for me, etc.' I could say the same about cigarettes, but that doesn't make them sacred or noble, just dumb animals that would eat you if you had a heart attack and there was no other food in the house.

7. I'm a vegetarian. If you love animals so much, I hope you have a good reason why some are like children and some are like a sandwich.

8. Like spinsters and their cats, don't you notice how in general it's the people who aren't good with people that anthropomorphousize (sp?) their pets to a ridiculous degree? Fluffy does not want to wear a little Prada coat, and he doesn't have a favourite TV show. He just wants to sniff stuff, usually other dog's bums, and eat.

9. And also f*ck, which dog 'lovers' generally make sure he can never do. Unless they've been inspired by that Nancy Friday book...

10. And raise a family, which dog owners make sure they can never do. Humans take away all their babies and sell them, to other people who will keep them in an infantilized, unnatural state, just to feed their egos and their need to feel needed. Repeat - the monsters take away all their babies!

There, now half the forum hates me. If only I had a wet nose and a little tail they'd forgive me if I pooped in their handbag...

tallulahxhunny Mon 30-May-11 19:38:06

actually a dog will die beside you, its a cat that would eat you to survive

activate Mon 30-May-11 19:40:05

7. I'm a vegetarian. If you love animals so much, I hope you have a good reason why some are like children and some are like a sandwich.

I know you're probably not trying to be funny - but THIS WAS HYSTERICAL grin

BistoBear Mon 30-May-11 19:40:45

I'm a dog owner and I don't hate you smile

Your post made me smile

activate Mon 30-May-11 19:42:00

oh and a couple of wholly incorrect ones

Most kids are not scared of dogs - some are, more likely toddlers and pre-schoolers

it is right to neuter pets as there are not enough homes for those currently in circulation

hallowedbethyname Mon 30-May-11 19:42:37

What is the point of your semi-literate rant, op?

Doobydoo Mon 30-May-11 19:44:07

grin.I have 2!....though do clean up their poo,even though it is 'acceptable' for cats o crap in my garden so my boys run through it!...AND they are both allergic to cats as is dp.
Fab post...really cheered me upgrin

thighslapper Mon 30-May-11 19:46:05

I AGREE 150% i agree completely, except i HATE dogs of any shape or size or type, hate them, they cause terror in my heart when i see one coming towards me.

i would like to add:
11. they dont mind dog hairs hanging from cups/plates, will happily peal it off and carry on.

12. they dont seem to notice the stench, dogs stink, dog owners houses stink, it make me want to vomit, why do they not notice?

13. they cannot understand at all why every one doesnt adore their animal, they just dont get it.

14. they do not understand why i want to punch them right in the face when their mut jumps up at me...NO it isnt "just beong friendly" NO it isnt, now get the fucking thing away from me, its frighteneing, intimidating, disgusting and i dont like it.

15. and the answers to this will prove my point, they just do not understand people who do not like dogs, as i do not understand those who do, you cannot persuade me, you cannot change my mind and calling me names and telling me i am stupd will not sway me at all.

let the bashing begin......

newmum001 Mon 30-May-11 19:46:25

tallulah i actually saw a program the other day where a dog had eaten it's owner who had died but thats besides the point. This is a ridiculous post!

tallulahxhunny Mon 30-May-11 19:47:57

aye but that dog didnt like its owner :p

EverythingInMiniature Mon 30-May-11 19:50:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrinityIsAShreddingFatRhino Mon 30-May-11 19:50:29

I have 2 dogs, one of which I rehomed and one of which is my new dps

OP, you made me laugh out loud

truly poetically written and very funny

Faithless12 Mon 30-May-11 19:51:08

YABU, not all dog owners are what you describe, but the ones who let their dogs walk into a gated front garden (gates closed) are just as bad as the drunk who throws his empties in the front garden. Yep both happened where I used to live.

Also for some people their animals are their babies, those who can't have children, aren't a traditional family before it became acceptable. Whats your issue with that?

How is a dog barking in a public place the same as someone entering your home with an axe?

If you pooped in my handbag I'd be just as pissed as if my dog decided to take a poo in the house, she knows where to go and knows how to ask. I'm not sure what you want dog owners to do about the dog if you're allergic to them? If you're visiting their home its a bit tough isn't it, I have a friend with a cat, I'm allergic to cats and at present can't take anti histamines so we only spend an hour or two at their house. There is nothing they can do to stop me having a reaction to the cat except get rid of it and deep clean their house.

JamieAgain Mon 30-May-11 19:51:12

You're wrong, you're wrong, and I agree with you entirely.

Actually not entirely. The anthropomorphizing thing is annoying and baffling,
but most people round here do pick up their dog's poo, in contrast to what you say. I do also find it a bit weird when any animal is feted as a "hero". They are capable of doing amazing things, but I'm not sure a heroic thing done without intent is truly heroic (although it makes us feel all warm and fuzzy, so what's wrong with that?)

JamieAgain Mon 30-May-11 19:53:02

Why are people not allowed to like or dislike cats and dogs equally?

coccyx Mon 30-May-11 19:56:18

Why do you care so much???
love my dogs and always will.
Not really bothered you don't.

DooinMeCleanin Mon 30-May-11 19:57:52

Dogs have no inanate desire to breed if they are apyed or nuetered, nor do they 'raise' their family, they feed them until they are weaned and then leave them.

I only know two kids who are scared of dogs and that is because their mother screeches hysterically "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Tarquin, don't go near the dog it might eat you" if she spots so much a Yorkshire Terrier on the horizon.

They are not dumb. They are very intelligent, search and rescue dogs anyone?

The will not eat their owners if they die [http://www.oldies.org.uk/?p=43108 Kym]]

My house smells only of bleach actually as I am slightly obbsessed with the stuff.

PiaThreeTimes Mon 30-May-11 19:58:25

I agree wholeheartedly with number 7, re. people who love dogs but will happily eat another species' body.

Don't really care about the other points and yes I'm a dog-owner.

MonstaMunch Mon 30-May-11 20:00:03

except

my dogs get more love and attention than half the kids on here who are dumped from pillar to post whenever possible, fed junk, plonked in front of the telly while mum plays on the t'internet and generally made to feel like they are an inconvenience smile

just saying like smile

boysrock Mon 30-May-11 20:00:11

Oh dear, have you had to spend a period of time with fluffy bubbles and her daft owner? If so yanbu.

A lot of dog owners are considerate though and dont lose perspective. Out of interest though if they are allowed to breed indiscriminately what do you propose we do with all the resultant dogs.
Feral cats are acceptable but I don't think I fancy packs of feral dog roaming round, thank you.

beesimo Mon 30-May-11 20:01:35

Our family owe a great deal to dogs, our sheepdogs cut the work out of shepherding our flocks, our yard dogs protect our property,and the house Jackys are my DDs baby substitutes. I don't think its wrong to love your animals like you love a bairn because when you are a teenager looking after them is practice for when you are Mam.

Also our dogs are telepathic and will 'turn up' when the family are in any kind of trouble or danger.

Stop laughing in the back.

BeerTricksPotter Mon 30-May-11 20:13:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Toughasoldboots Mon 30-May-11 20:18:24

Yes to what beertricks said and whatever Valhalla will say.

Rapaccioli Mon 30-May-11 20:21:49

Indeed, Tough, oh yes indeed. wink

The OP is clearly bored and wants to start a riot by being extremist and deliberately inflamatory.

Pat her on the head and give her the "away" command.

KingTrollo Mon 30-May-11 20:26:39

Ha ha, loved the post v funny

However, love much more all the huffy "me and my dog aren't like that" posts

ROFL

And no, YANBU - you can think whatever you like about dog owners. And they can get really annoyed with you for being a bit mean about their special little pal

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