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to think this mum is shutting out her DH?

(10 Posts)
gonerogue Mon 30-May-11 14:55:07

One of the mums in my playgroup was complaining the other day that her 10 MO DS wouldn't leave her in peace. He was always whinging and crying and she was the only one who could calm him down.

I auggested she go out for the day and leave him with her DH so they could bond and DH Would be able to calm him down every now and then - to which she laughed and said "Oh no, he can't look after him at all. DS only likes me looking after him. DH can't even give DS breakfast without me there."

Now I've met her DH - he's perfectly capable sand I would have no problems leaving my own DD with. He also gets on great with his DS whenever I've been around them and is as hands on as he is allowed to be (from what I see when visiting their house)

SO AIBU to think that if she won't let her perfectly capable DH help she shouldn't complain about it?

queenceleste Mon 30-May-11 15:00:31

other people's marriages are always a mystery to an extent and things are very often not what they seem.

YABU imho, who knows what's really going on in another family.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 30-May-11 15:17:00

YANBU... but some people seem to only exist if they've got something to complain about.

exoticfruits Mon 30-May-11 15:21:00

I think you just accept that she is one of those women who have to indispensable. She loves it just the way it is.

exoticfruits Mon 30-May-11 15:21:29

sorry-have to be indispensable.

QuackQuackSqueak Mon 30-May-11 16:12:24

I have known people like that, I find it really sad to see the dads shut out. It must be horrible for them!

worraliberty Mon 30-May-11 16:14:29

A lot of women are like that. They complain their DH's do nothing, yet they elbow them out of 'their kitchen' or don't 'allow' them to do the washing and ironing because they 'do it wrong' hmm

By 'wrong', they normally mean the man doesn't do it the same way as them.

papermate Mon 30-May-11 16:14:59

mm ..there is a mum in school, who didnt leave her son alone with his dad until he was 3, he only started to put him to bed once he was in school, he point blank couldnt cope with him. Awful, thats his son!

I have read on another forum a mum who cant leave her husband with his children alone! If she wants to go somewhere she either takes the children, or rings her mother to go look after them and obviously him!

alistron1 Mon 30-May-11 16:15:01

It's a phenomena known as maternal gatekeeping. Gatekeeping isn't exlusive to motherhood though - I bet we've all known/worked with someone who complains about being overloaded but can't possibly delegate 'cos everyone else is (in their opinion) not capable.

She's making hard work for herself though, but she'll learn in time.

Mishy1234 Mon 30-May-11 16:20:12

Definitely agree OP that she needs to leave her husband to it. I have a similar problem with DS2. If I'm in the house he moans and cries to be with me (through my closed bedroom door too!). DH had both boys out for the day and he was fine and came back in one piece!

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