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to be hurt and pissed off by this RUBBISH excuse?

(62 Posts)
Reality Mon 30-May-11 09:30:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheOriginalFAB Mon 30-May-11 09:33:42

A bit. I don't see it as a rubbish excuse as it was true.

If you can't help her with good grace and without any expectations, then it is best you don't help at all.

fedupofnamechanging Mon 30-May-11 09:34:55

YABU. It was a BBQ, not a court summons. With that attitude, I'd not want to go either. Just because you are helping her with her wedding, it doesn't mean she has to do whatever you want in return. Nothing wrong with her having a lazy day at home.

Guitargirl Mon 30-May-11 09:35:09

YANBU to feel hurt if they were really just lazing about and hadn't even bothered to let you know.

Maybe they had had a row?

squeakytoy Mon 30-May-11 09:36:02

Not everyone enjoys bbq's and "gatherings"...

BatFlattery Mon 30-May-11 09:36:22

YABU - she is not obliged to attend your BBQ! While it probably wouldn't have hurt her to just show her face for half an hour, I understand where she's coming from, as family commitments can be very time consuming, often when you really can't be arsed IMO.

WhoAteMySnickers Mon 30-May-11 09:37:41

I'd be a bit pissed off. If you hadn't texted her, would she have bothered to let you know she wasn't coming?

Sounds like her presence wasn't missed anyway, so I'd probably let it go if I were you.

Reality Mon 30-May-11 09:39:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Reality Mon 30-May-11 09:43:18

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TheOriginalFAB Mon 30-May-11 09:43:40

Did her not coming cause a problem? If not, let it go and next time she asks for a favour say no.

Guitargirl Mon 30-May-11 09:51:36

It's very rude. It sounds as though she's taking advantage a bit. People often do this with family but wouldn't dream of doing the same thing to a friend. Is she like this with everyone?

ENormaSnob Mon 30-May-11 09:59:30


it's rude and I would be pissed off tbh

Reality Mon 30-May-11 10:01:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hr100 Mon 30-May-11 10:05:07

I would be annoyed. I had a similar thing recently, it was my 30th Birthday party and I was having a bbq and a few friends over, didnt mind if people just popped for an hour etc etc.

My best friend text me at 8.30 that night to say she wouldnt make it as she was tired after the gym!!! I was fuming, especially as I do so much for her. Anyway, I learnt my lesson and have walked away from her. Not fallen out just choosing to spend my time with friends who care about me as much as I care about them.

hr100 Mon 30-May-11 10:05:57

PS Could it be that her fiance doesnt like family events?

twofalls Mon 30-May-11 10:06:05

I would be hurt by that too reality. Its the fact she showed no consideration for your feelings by not bothering to let you you know. It is obviously quite a big event for you so she could have showed her face for half an hour.

I don't think YABU for being a bit pissed off.

Reality Mon 30-May-11 10:13:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

glassofwhiteanybody Mon 30-May-11 10:13:53

I'd be annoyed. What if everyone just decided on the day that they don't fancy coming along - where would that leave you? If you don't to go, you make an excuse in advance. If you say you'll go, then you go, even if not for very long. However I have begun to learn that some people are just flaky when it comes to these things. It is rude and ignorant but don't take it as a personal insult to you, because it won't be meant that way

MorticiaAddams Mon 30-May-11 10:14:45

YABU and it's not an excuse it's a reason. They wanted a lazy day and it seems as though the bbq is a casual drop-in affair so no pressure to go.

Reality Mon 30-May-11 10:18:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dustwhatdust Mon 30-May-11 10:26:28

Sorry but i think she is beng self centred and inconsiderate of your feelings . I would be P'doff too and sad ,You are having a party, it means a lot to you so why can't she make an effort and put in an appearance , even if for half an hour !
If she really couldn't face it she could have told you she couldn't make it when you first invited her .

fedupofnamechanging Mon 30-May-11 10:28:00

Reality, in the light of your later posts,I think you are letting her walk all over you. I don't think it was a bad thing that she didn't go to the BBQ - she may have thought it was a casual, drop in if you want, kind of affair. But what you have said about her letting you down wrt babysitting and still you spend lots of money on her and don't tell her when she has upset you.

Some people are 'takers' and will bleed you dry if you let them. You can love your sister without letting her take the piss. Stop spending money on her and start speaking up for yourself.

ikilledBosco Mon 30-May-11 10:34:50

Why don't you tell her she has annoyed you ? You don't strike me as a shrinking violet on here , ask her out for a coffee and talk this all through with her .

Reality Mon 30-May-11 10:35:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Reality Mon 30-May-11 10:35:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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