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To not want my dh to go on some ridiculous "boys' weekend"

(195 Posts)
LadyOfTheCuntryManor Sun 29-May-11 21:47:07

Bit of background:

My husband has a group of close friends, about 6 of them. My dh and I have known this group for about 12 years. One of them is mutual best friend and godfather to ds. Most of the group are now married/cohabiting/and/or have children/full time jobs.

One of the men, we'll call him James, and I don't see eye to eye. This is because James decided he was in love with me about 8 years ago, and I didn't want to be with him and decidedly got with my dh. Dh and James didn't speak for a while about this.

2 years ago dh and I were invited to a wedding. I was pregnant and ill with morning sickness so dh went along with the group of 5 (the 6th getting married). James met a woman there, and my and her swapped numbers as they were all heading to go to the beach the next day and as she wasn't from the area she need directions. Not too sure why it was my dh who had to tell her, but that's by the by and I have long since gotten over that.

James ended up going out with this woman, and recently they broke up about 2 months ago. Dh refused to "hang out" with James while he was with (physically as in, in the house) with the said woman, out of respect for me (I bollocked him for handing out/taking numbers while married etc).

Anyway. James (who lives about 5 hours away) has invited the group of 5 to his house for a long weekend in summer. He lives with his parents. It's to "play X box" and "go to the beach", and no wives/gfs/children are invited.

I'm pregnant (with hyperemesis as many of you know) and have a 1 year old...in August I'll be 22+ weeks. I can't see how this is going to benefit my dh, and I think it's the distance which is the problem. The rest of the group live in Wales where we live, so surely it would make more sense to get James to come here? However James is still 16 in his head and ways and very very stubborn and he's the only one without a house/job/wife/gf/child etc so tries to pull everyone to his type of lifestyle-which really isn't feesible. James is also leader of the pack and the rest don't like to go with the crowd. Am feeling very anxious about the whole bloody thing. Have a wedding June 11th and he'll be there bringing his ex gf (*her*). He quite happily full on ignores me, and hasn't met ds; yet dh thinks he is the greatest thing since sliced bread.

AIB a twat?

LadyOfTheCuntryManor Sun 29-May-11 21:48:06

Oh I make the point that most of us are working/cohabiting etc as we are 24 and the group age ranges from 22-26 (some still in uni etc).

Georgimama Sun 29-May-11 21:49:05

So far as I can gather, yes you are.

MrsCampbellBlack Sun 29-May-11 21:50:15

I think yabu - one weekend away isn't really a big deal.

Also not sure why your DH got such a hard time for giving his phone number to someone to get directions - or have I missed something?

But what does your DH think - does he want to go?

Oh and I'm at the lax end of not minding DH going away with friends so perhaps not best person to comment.

fivegomadindorset Sun 29-May-11 21:50:42

Yes

Smuddy81 Sun 29-May-11 21:51:27

YABU It sounds like the issues you have with this are your problems that perhaps you should deal with. Let him go.

MonstaMunch Sun 29-May-11 21:51:37

does being pregnant make you incapable?

surely he is an adult, he can decide if he wants to go or not - he was invited so he makes the decision

jade80 Sun 29-May-11 21:52:07

Hmm, tricky background. But would you want your dh saying who you could and couldn't spend the weekend with? Would you really want James to come to you? Plus surely he has organised the weekend, so shouldn't people go to him, if they want to go? A weekend near yours would be a different event.

LadyOfTheCuntryManor Sun 29-May-11 21:52:07

Oh well it became more than directions. On her behalf-she was being inappropriate and he had to ask me to step in and tell her to go away basically.

It's more that James knows I'm pregnant and ill with it yet expects me to look after a 1 year old and be poorly for 4 bloody days for them to play xbox. Dh doesn't even have an xbox any more and James keeps having a go at him because of it.

LadyOfTheCuntryManor Sun 29-May-11 21:53:00

Monsta- please read the post. I am not just pregnant I am suffering with hyperemesis.

K999 Sun 29-May-11 21:53:02

YABU. He's only going away for a weekend. You're not joined at the hip. It's good for couples to have their own interests and to spend some time hanging out with their own friends.

squeakytoy Sun 29-May-11 21:53:38

YABU.

LadyOfTheCuntryManor Sun 29-May-11 21:54:16

Oh he sees his friends all the time, as do I. It's just he'll be quite far away when I'm quite vulnerable.

jade80 Sun 29-May-11 21:54:38

Your last post- but has James actually considered you and your pregnancy that much, and done it anyway to be awkward? Or has he simply organised a weekend without actually paying you a passing thought? Ok, not kind as he knows you and perhaps should have thought (although sounds like you aren't on great terms, so would you consider him in any plans you were to make that might indirectly affect him?), but still, he has just invited your dh, he isn't forcing him to go.

shakey1500 Sun 29-May-11 21:54:43

I'm also puzzled as to why your dh got a hard time for giving a woman (who wanted directions) his mobile number??

I'm also at the lax end and a wekend away wouldn't bother me but are you not wanting him to go because it's James that has done the arranging/been the instigator etc?

HorseWhisperer Sun 29-May-11 21:55:09

God, I feel sorry for your husband.

very unreasonable

K999 Sun 29-May-11 21:55:26

Cant you ask a relative or friend to stay with you? Perhaps you could go and stay with a friend yourself or are you not up to travelling?

ENormaSnob Sun 29-May-11 21:55:43

So what happened at the wedding then?

Very odd to swap numbers for directions hmm

Not surprised you feel edgy about it tbh.

shakey1500 Sun 29-May-11 21:55:44

x post, just read your explanation with directions woman.

worraliberty Sun 29-May-11 21:55:53

If it was just the hyperemesis, I'm sure you wouldn't have written all those details in your OP.

I think (from what I've read) you don't trust your Husband and you think James will lead him astray.

If your DH thinks James is the greatest thing since sliced bread, it's a shame he felt he had to ignore him til he split up with the woman.

Georgimama Sun 29-May-11 21:56:18

This woman is irrelevant. So is James' alleged torch for you.

You may be a lot better by 22 weeks. And they're not just going to play X box for four days, are they? They are friends. They will be having some time together. What's wrong with that?

MrsCampbellBlack Sun 29-May-11 21:57:13

Your DH made you step in - okay.

Does your DH want you to step-in here too do you think?

I do think yabu - hopefully by then you'll feel better but obviously if you're still really ill then he shouldn't go if you've no-one else to help with your DS.

But you are both young and I do feel its generally good in relationships to give some freedom to each other. But then my DH is just back from a week away mountain biking in the Alps.

scotsgirl23 Sun 29-May-11 21:57:14

if you have hyperemesis then nope, not unreasonable. It's living hell, and I think I'd shoot my DH if he tried to go away for a weekend and leave me with a year old and hyperemesis to cope with.

TheFlyingOnion Sun 29-May-11 21:57:19

Yes, yes you are.

"I can't see how this is going to benefit my dh" - no, I can't see how a weekend away with his mates would benefit him either hmm

discobeaver Sun 29-May-11 21:57:22

You sound quite insecure tbh. You have "long since gotten over " your man giving his number to so done so they could get directions and now you can't see how a long weekend away would "benefit" your DH.
That sound quite controlling and as if you have to say yay or nay to everything he does.
Sorry you are having a hard time being pregnant but I think you should relax and let your bloke off the leash a bit.

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