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To tell DH I want to go on holiday without him?

(54 Posts)
TheGrandFatherDon Sun 29-May-11 16:40:42

Last year we went to Florida as a family and DH did nothing but show us up and make a fool out of himself. One particular thing sticks in my mind as an example - we were on the Jimmy Neutron ride at Universal and towards the end everyone on it started singing and screaming and clapping etc. DH shouts "what the fuck are they all screaming about? silly bastards. Shut the fuck up you fucking over the top american twats, its a kids ride, what you getting excited for?"
It ended up in an argument with a big american bloke and to cut a long story short we were escorted out and threatened with a ban from the entire park. Later we saw another family who pointed us out as the "ones that go to america that hate americans" and were promtly told to fuck off back home to where we come from. I was devasted for DS who was so upset and embarrassed by it all and it really spoilt the holiday. Other stuff happened to like that albiet on a smaller scale (like In Disney a model train thing de-railed and everyone was stood around pointing at it until a bloke climbed the fence and went to fix it DH shouted out "oo look, I'm an american, I just HAVE to interefere and be the hero!" hmm this was met with a couple of other blokes asking DH was his problem was etc.
This year I want to book another holiday to Florida for next year but DS really doesn't want DH to come and TBH, neither do I. DH and I did speak about all this after it happened and he apologised and swore it wouldn't happen again etc and I said I forgave him but AIBU to still say I don't want him to come with us? it will cause a huge row, I know but to risk all that again?
(Name Changed because of the American Bashing, don't want it to follow me to other threads).

GiddyPickle Sun 29-May-11 16:46:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

doley Sun 29-May-11 16:47:34

Seriously ?

Your DH should not go on holiday anywhere until he gets help .

I am sorry that his behaviour was so vile ,and embarrassed you .

YANBU ~I wouldn't go with him .

Does he show such uncalled for rants with other nations ?

JamieAgain Sun 29-May-11 16:48:22

God - surely he's this boorish at other times, it can't just be on holiday. He sounds awful. Sorry

YellowDinosaur Sun 29-May-11 16:48:51

To be honest if your dh makes a habit of being such a twat I think your problems are bigger than going on holiday.

YA def NBU to want to go on holiday without him.

YellowDinosaur Sun 29-May-11 16:49:20

Hi tsend before I'd finished - was going to say YANBU to want to go on holiday without him but this is just avoiding the issue imho

BornInAfrica Sun 29-May-11 16:50:39

YADNBU - people like your DH make me want to twat them one, hard, and then twt them two more, harder. Is he generally pig ignorant? A show off? Does he have any redeeming qualities?

mumblechum1 Sun 29-May-11 16:54:17

I don't think I'd go over the doorstep with him, never mind go on hols.

TheGrandFatherDon Sun 29-May-11 16:55:30

Well a few times since he's aplogised I've caught him re-telling the story to his friends with great pride and going on about how Americans get really excited over a kids ride and stand there screaming etc, his mates were in fits of laughter over it and he used this as an excuse to show me how miserable I was being. When we were in Disney we went to this show in the hall of presidents (I think that's what it was called) which was a show all about American history. The americans were obviously engrossed into it and he kept nudging DS and laughing and making faces. At the end a song came on about America and a few of the audience members started crying and DH burst out laughing and shouted "for fucks sake! here we go, bring out Ricky Fucking Lake" he then started mocking them by singing the American song in a really OTT corny way and one man asked if he wasn't enjoying it could he leave so everyone else could enjoy it. This time he quietened down for a while but then later started kicking off because they showed Arnie (not even going to attempt to spell the last name!) as a part of American history/famous Americans etc.

He does kick off like this at home too but not as bad. I think he thought he was invinsible because we were in the US and he's more likely to get beaten up in England for mouthing off

HorseWhisperer Sun 29-May-11 16:57:34

Goodness, your husband sounds he has some issues and I do not blame you or your son for not wanting to go on holiday with him.

He sounds like a nasty, arrogant and pig ignorant individual.

I would leave him at home.


JamieAgain Sun 29-May-11 16:58:09

I'd be concerned about how much swearing he does. He sounds aggressive and disinhibited

JamieAgain Sun 29-May-11 16:58:50

Kinda hoping this isn't true

MonstaMunch Sun 29-May-11 17:01:43

had he been drinking

i know americans get over excited and OTT at times, but you are visitors in their country

and tbh i wouldnt argue with their police if I were you, they arent anywhere near as soft as ours our - but maybe thats what he needs

YellowDinosaur Sun 29-May-11 17:02:48

If he thinks this behaviour is something to brag to his friends about and call you miserable I'd quite honestly be thinking about whether I wanted to leave full stop, and not just for a holiday.

Do you really want your son to grow up thinking this sort of behaviour is normal? He sounds thoroughlly unpleasant (and thats being polite)

MonstaMunch Sun 29-May-11 17:07:29

if anyone has read Our Man in Orlando, about the British Consul in Orlando who has to deal with this type of idiot, it makes you ashamed to be British it really does

ENormaSnob Sun 29-May-11 17:20:58

Leave him.

discobeaver Sun 29-May-11 17:28:59

I thought you were going to say " he doesn't help with the packing" or something.
WTF? Is he normally like this? I am surprised he didn't get himself tasered or shot, Americans generally hate it when you rip their cou try - especialy when you are in their country.
Just book yourself and your son and go without him, it sounds as if you will have a great time.
Your DH sounds completely unhinged and I wouldn't want to go to the ne t rom with him, sorry.

discobeaver Sun 29-May-11 17:29:45

Although I would have rolled my eyes inwardly at the crying folk.

maras2 Sun 29-May-11 17:32:08

You need a permanant holiday from him.What a twat !

MonstaMunch Sun 29-May-11 17:34:28

Although I would have rolled my eyes inwardly at the crying folk.

oh me too, they go way over the top. We were in a comedy club and i nearly committed murder with all the hollering and whoop whooping

but thats just their way smile

northerngirl41 Sun 29-May-11 17:40:49

Is he like this about all places or just America? And if it's just America, then who insisted he go? If you/kids, I think you've made your own bed there...

Honestly family holidays shouldn't be just about the kids or just about the adults - you have to figure out a compromise where you all enjoy it and there's enough space for you all to do different things.

And if he doesn't want to do that, then yes certainly not unreasonable to go on your own.

atswimtwolengths Sun 29-May-11 17:42:01

I can't imagine your son would be too unhappy if you left your husband. He sounds absolutely awful.

What happened on holiday was dreadful but the way he's behaved since he's been home is even worse. He obviously feels justified in his behaviour.

If you're going to face hassle for not wanting a holiday with him, why not go the full hog and tell him you want a divorce? May as well - you could do much better than him and your child sounds like he'd be a lot happier.

TyNobdieJigz Sun 29-May-11 17:42:30

I wouldnt go with him, he doesnt sound sorry, he still proudly talks about it.
It sounds like he is the OTT one, not the American's in this case.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Sun 29-May-11 17:47:32

It seems that your DH sees nothing wrong with his gross attention seeking behaviour, and clearly feels no remorse for causing extreme embarrassment to you and your DS as he's continued attention seeking by relating tales of his contemptible twattishness to gain approval from his mates.

It also seems unlikely that he's able to appreciate that this type of behaviour places his nearest and dearest at risk of physical harm if he kicks off in front of less tolerant folk.

Sorry to say I wouldn't believe his assurances as I doubt that he'll see any reason to change until he wakes up in intensive care - and even then it's not likely that he'll realise that it was his neediness that got him there.

YANBU to say that you will not go on holiday with him again until he has got some professional help with his issues.

In the meantime, go ahead and book a holiday that you and your DS will thoroughly enjoy. And book a break to Glasgae for your DH and a couple of his mates in the hope that he'll get a kiss during his stay.

jeckadeck Sun 29-May-11 17:48:14

My dad used to be a bit like this so I have hugesympathy. He used to routinely get into shouting matches with immigration officials, waiters etc and generally get people's backs up being a pompous arse. It was excruciating.

I think you're well within your rights to at least say to him you're not going on holiday with him until he learns to control himself.

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