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To not want people to kiss my children on the lips?

(17 Posts)
iamnotadoormat Sun 29-May-11 10:36:45

Especially coldsore sufferers?
Or to use their lipsalve on my childrens lips?
Or to stick their fingers in my 14 week old DC2's mouth?
Or try and suck their dummy and put it back in their mouth after I said NO. Don't do that. And then look at me like I'm bizarre?

Tell me how I can evade this from a close family member. I'm so cross with myself for letting this happen. I don't want to cause an argument - this person is very fiesty, but I'm so upset.

Mollydollydoll Sun 29-May-11 10:39:32

I'm suffering with the flu at the mo and I totally understand what your saying, DD is not allowed to kiss me right now as I don't want her getting it same with DP. I don't want to ruin their holiday.
So no YNBU

celadon Sun 29-May-11 10:42:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nethunsreject Sun 29-May-11 10:44:33


big smacker on the cheek is nicer anyway

lettinggo Sun 29-May-11 10:47:08

Is it your side of the family or ILs? If it's your own side, just tell them straight. Hey X, don't stick the baby's dummy in your mouth, that's gross. Easy to have the row with your own family and get over it quickly.

If it's the ILs, tell your dh to "catch" them doing it and get him to say it.

My MIL and I disagreed when ds was a baby over food. I didn't give ds sweets or biscuits of any kind. I have such a sweet tooth, I though I'd avoid passing it on and my reasoning was"what he's never had he won't miss". MIL disagreed vehemently with me (as did my own mother but I could tell her to fuck off). I was really direct with MIL, I explained why I was doing things the way I was doing them. Then one day we were visiting and when I went out of the room, she said "Now Mammy's gone, we can have a little biscuit" but DH hear her and lit into her.

In hindsight, I can see that I was very PFB about it all and she had reared 4 children and couldn't see what was the harm in a plain biscuit. But the point is that it's YOUR baby, and YOUR child-rearing ideas that should be respected (as long as they aren't dangerous!!!).

iamnotadoormat Sun 29-May-11 10:47:41

Ok, so how do I deal with this close family member (on my partners side) who pretty much implied I was ridiculous for not sucking the dummy that had fallen on the cafe floor, or let her do it?
I like her but I hate confrontation, yet at the same time need to stand my ground.

Mollydollydoll Sun 29-May-11 10:50:54

Stand your ground they are your children just say I don't want my kids catching a cold or a coldsore. Just say it's nothing personal. If they take it funny then it's their problem. No we can't protect them from every germ or illness but we can try our bests.

iamnotadoormat Sun 29-May-11 10:53:03

plus I suffer from anxiety which makes it so much worse. I was awake for ages going over and over why didn't I just say something , instead of getting so mad and thinking negatively bout them and the situation?

Mollydollydoll Sun 29-May-11 12:12:05

Try not to let it stress you out. You are right remember that. No one wants their kids catching germs. In Japan they wear masks for that very reason.

JeremyKylesPetProject Sun 29-May-11 12:18:06

I was on the train coming back from Blackpool once. ds was 18 months old (I was heavily pg too) and we were travelling alone. Some football fans got on and lit up immediately and started drinking. The carriage was empty except for me and ds. Two of them made a beeline for us and sat at the same table. I'm not precious about space but I was feeling a bit apprehensive. One of them leaned over the table and picked ds up kissed him on the lips then passed him to his friend. The friend did the same. Now these people had stinky beer breath and fags hanging from their fingers. They started passing him back and forth.
I was panicking inside but managed to grab ds back. This really annoyed them and they became quite hostile. I was about to go into the other carriage when a fight started up and started moving towards our carriage. My next plan was to get off at the next station and call dh to fetch us. The fight came into our carriage and I was unable to get up from the table without being hurt or ds. We missed the chance to get off.
The bloke tried to pick ds up again but I refused to let go. Then he told other people that I was a snobby bitch and tried getting them to grab him off me. I wouldn't let go and I started crying. One bloke out of the whole crowd saw I was distressed and made them back off. It was obvious that I was pg too. I wish it was only the kissing on the lips that I had to worry about. I dread to think how many of them had wives/gf who were expecting or had kids. To treat a lone mum like that and touch her kid without asking is unforgivable.

JamieAgain Sun 29-May-11 12:22:05

YANBU. I think any kind of chooching and kissing and hair-stroking as a sign of affection, even from a stranger, is lovely (unless it wakes them up!), but not mouth-kissing unless the child instigates it (as mine used to with their GPs - and my dad is sensible enough to not do it as he gets cold-sores)

JamieAgain Sun 29-May-11 12:23:21

x post Jeremy Kyle - how awful - a bunch of pissed football fans. I would have been very upset

JamieAgain Sun 29-May-11 12:25:01

Actually - thinking about it - I would only kiss a child I knew well (apart from my own), and then probably only on the head/forehead

JeremyKylesPetProject Sun 29-May-11 12:25:57

I was. I have never travelled on a train since. I used to go everywhere alone before then. It was terrifying and only one out of 50-60 of them gave a shit. Scary.

Mollydollydoll Sun 29-May-11 12:34:23

Poor you jeremykyle that's bloody awful. Some arrogant people about no wonder you don't take trains anymore would certainly put me off.

tigercametotea Sun 29-May-11 12:51:47

YANBU, I don't like it either for these sort of reasons. If its a feisty person you're gonna have to say this to, well... in my experience its never an easy thing to do. Be prepared for them to take it badly, and be prepared to deal with it if it happens. If you are firm and matter-of-fact about it - don't have to try to justify your stance too much, just explain briefly and clearly and stand firm on what you think is right - they will have to accept it. Its your child after all, not theirs.

Meglet Sun 29-May-11 12:55:18

yanbu. My sister does it and I hate it. She also insists on getting the dc's to kiss her before she says goodbye and I hate that too. <<bad mood about everything today>>

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