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AIBU?

dsis and her baby plans

90 replies

MissBubbles · 28/05/2011 22:14

not sure if im bu or not so i thought id ask you guys :)

dsis 22 - for many years has spoke about her desire to become a mum, she lives with her dp 21, she works 10 hours a week at min wage, he works anywhere from 25 onwards hours a weeks at just above min age, they struggle with money due to not earning alot and him having a couple of debts, yet they still decided last year to try for a baby

she is now pg, about 14 weeks, and has already spoke about their plans for when babys born

her plan is (which he has willingly agreed to) that she will work for as long as her job will allow her to, even she says if it means right up till the moment she pops (her words), ok fair enough she loves her job, but the thing i dont get is the next part of her plan

once the baby is 3 or 4 weeks old, she will go back to work and her dp will give up his job to become a sahd, dont get me wrong i have nothing againest sahd's but surely finacially wise it would be best if she stayed at home? i know that in their financial posistion it may not have been best to try for a baby, but thats done now and they need to think of whats best for the baby and their new little family, i understand she loves her job and will miss it hugely, i pointed out that she will miss her baby lots at that stage but she says she cant miss work as it would upset her too much

oh god im prob being such a littlemissjudgypants, and if iam fair enough, but aibu to think that her plans are a bit back to front ?

OP posts:

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bubblecoral · 28/05/2011 22:18

Sounds like an odd plan to me, but it's their baby and their lives, so I'd let them get on with it. Although I would find it disgusting that one of them isn't trying to increase their working hours so that they don't have to rely on benefits.

darleneoconnor · 28/05/2011 22:18

As if

LindyHemming · 28/05/2011 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bittersweetvictory · 28/05/2011 22:21

They might be better off due to tax credits and rent rebates since she only works 10 hours.

gallicgirl · 28/05/2011 22:27

If she works 16 hours, she can claim working tax credits as well as child tax credits.

Personally I couldn't have physically gone back to work so soon and I had a good birth! Leave them to it and I'm sure she'll change her mind when she realises how little sleep she'll get in those first few weeks.

BikeRunSki · 28/05/2011 22:27

Their baby, their plans. I'd be surprised if it pans out like that though, but then neither did my plans for after DS was born, and I was 37!

MissBubbles · 28/05/2011 22:28

all good points, i have always said id be there for any advice i could give her, not that im and expert or anything but thats what sisters do :) i guess it just frustrates me as they have this odd plan and dont seem to be in touch with reality in some ways, and though im doing my best not to interfere and just be there for her she still feels the need to interfere with how i bring up my kids particurly my ds who is 11 with adhd, which according to her dont exsist!

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ChippingIn · 28/05/2011 22:31

Why can't they both work? Surely as they are both doing so few hours they can get their 'shifts' sorted so that they can both do their few hours??

It sounds like she needs you to interfere/help.

MissBubbles · 28/05/2011 22:39

i have offered chippingin her job is 2 hours a day as a dinner lady, the school is in the same town where i live, and also where she will live from this weekend (they are moving) im a sahm at the moment and have offered to help with the baby so they can both work, as its only a couple of hours during the day this is no issue for me, but she has refused saying she would rather her dp gave up his job to do the childcare

i know i cant force her to accept my help, i guess all i can do is now and again remind her that my offer is still there if and when her plans dont work out the way she hoped :(

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posterofagirl · 28/05/2011 22:44

I don't think she will be medically cleared to return to a physical job before 6 week check up.
Check with MW but I would be very suprised unless she has a elasticated fanjo.

MissBubbles · 28/05/2011 22:49

lol posterofagirl i have told her this, but her response was "f* the doctor, if i wanna go back i will go back" i aslo said that her boss may not accept her back if the doc hasnt cleared her before 6 week check up she just said she would say doc had cleared her, arrgghh why are sisters such a pain ?

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squeakytoy · 28/05/2011 22:53

If they only work 35 hours a week between the pair of them, I wouldnt have thought either should need or could indeed afford to give up their jobs.

People like this who will no doubt be expecting financial top-ups from the state really piss me off. . They cant afford a child, and is not as if time is against them either at the age they are.

MissBubbles · 28/05/2011 22:59

i know squeakytoy and to be honest if it was me i wouldnt trust a newborn with her dp, after only 5 minutes in his comapny it feels like an hour and i want to curl into the fetal posiston and go scream

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ChippingIn · 28/05/2011 22:59

Honestly, it's times like this that I think people should have to pass a test before getting a pill that enables them to become pregnant (or to father a child). She needs a big does of 'grow the fuck up'.

Are your parents still alive? (sorry can't think of a better way to ask that?) What do they have to say about it all? I know they're 'adults' but FGS he's giving up his part time job so she can be a school dinner lady 10 hours a week????

yukoncher · 28/05/2011 22:59

I think they should keep their jobs, obviously.

MissBubbles · 28/05/2011 23:06

its ok chippingin :) yes they still alive, they think its a nutty idea they have told her this, that they are worried how he will cope with a newborn as he seems to stuggle being a adult himself and that they think it would be a good idea if they at least try it with her staying at home before making such a big decision to do it her way,

but she is stubborn and wont listen, me and my mum between us could help look after baby taking turns and the like, ive had 2 kids and my mum 4 so at least then she would know that the people helping look after her baby have been there and are more confident than her dp who cried his eyes out when she said r-patz was the sexiest man ever

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razzlebathbone · 28/05/2011 23:07

Sorry but she sounds like she's living in cloud cuckoo land and is in for a huge shock. He gives up the job so she can work two hours a day??!! If you ask me one if them needs a full time job after the baby is born or both continue part time. They need to take responsibility. And grow up.

squeakytoy · 28/05/2011 23:13

A 21 year old "man", who is happy to give up working and stay at home with a baby is not the best bet for a happy future. :(

MissBubbles · 28/05/2011 23:14

totally agree razzlebathbone this has also been pointed out to her by another sister, my other sis put tried to put it in a friendly way but all she got for her troubles was an earfull :(

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MissBubbles · 28/05/2011 23:17

i know squeakytoy i want to be a supportive sister but i know the situation will end in tears :( i think it would annoy me less if she didnt keep trying to tell me how to run my life glad at least my other sister has more sense than her

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squeakytoy · 28/05/2011 23:19

All you can do is sit back and wait for the inevitable fall out. :( She will need you all then.

MissBubbles · 28/05/2011 23:24

and i will be there, its the baby i feel sorry for :(

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FabbyChic · 28/05/2011 23:26

It means they will ahve to live on benefits, as she doesnt work more than 16 hours anything she earns will be taken from their income support. So they will be financially in a disasterous postion.

FabbyChic · 28/05/2011 23:27

Sorry but I went back to work after five weeks full time in a very busy office environment, I never went for any six week check up.

MCos · 28/05/2011 23:29

Is she not entitled to Maternity Pay? If so, won't she miss out on that by going back to work so soon?

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