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to want to avoid this woman...

(62 Posts)
lucylookout Sat 28-May-11 17:54:16

Sorry in advance for this being a long one, but would like to know whether IABU or not.

Last year I had a termination at 20 weeks due to a lethal condition. Around three weeks later I had a play date with a woman I had met through NCT and her son, both 2 1/2. Half way through the play date she said, almost aggressively 'look, I feel really awkward about this but I'm pregnant, OK'. She said it in such a way that I felt guilty about my termination because it made her feel awkward about being pregnant hmm . I started apologising to her and it was only after that I felt manipulated and thought actually, she's only 7 weeks, there's no reason why she had to make her announcement to me right now.

Then, I felt like she started hounding me a bit. Our sons seemed to get on and we had a few play dates but to be honest, her son was always pretty horrible to my son (as in picking up a large plastic and metal toy, holding it over his head and hurling it at my DS). She never intervened enough for my liking (another time we were in a park and her son started attacking an older boy, maybe 5 or 6. I looked at her expectantly to do something and she said 'oh no, I like to leave it to them to sort their own battles out, and that boys old enough to defend himself shock ). Anyway, I stopped having the play dates.

Then, she enrolled her son at the same nursery as mine (because mine went there). They have an odd relationship where they are friends, but her DS is always very aggressive towards mine. At one point my DS was coming home with a different injury every day, including a bite on his belly that was bruised and had broken the skin. She talked to me about her son's aggression one time and said she believed it was because he was 'an alpha male finding his way in society'. shock shock

So she kept asking to meet up for play dates and I really didn't want to, but felt guilty for refusing all the time and thought to myself 'she can't be that bad' and went for a coffee when the boys were in nursery (I could avoid her aggressive DS that way). By now her second ds has been born, a cutie. She asked me with a flick of her hand 'so, uh, how's your pregnancy thing going?' I said 'uh, well, I'm not, but I'm fine about it' and she said 'well, for people who are trying to conceive, I always say, just relax, but it's probably easy for me to say that because I conceive very easily and have straightforward pregnancies' shock shock shock She said more things along these lines too, but I won't bore you with them now.

After that I said 'never again' to myself and have avoided her at all costs. Except this afternoon I saw her at a mutual friend's son's bday party. I have an almost physical reaction when I see her. I feel shaky and emotional and want to cry and want to slap her all at the same time. Obviously, I must be projecting some of my feelings about the termination and the crap time I was having onto her because she always made me feel worse whenever I saw her around then, but come on, I'm not being that unreasonable to want to avoid her am I? She is also a self obsessed, insensitive cow.

Sorry, rant over. I don't blame you if you didn't get to the end of this!

cornsilks Sat 28-May-11 17:56:22

She sounds horrible. I would avoid her as well.

GollyHolightly Sat 28-May-11 17:57:43

Kill her.

Arf at her 'alpha male' son. She is not only a bit of a thoughtless bitch, but a deluded one too wink

ImeldaM Sat 28-May-11 18:00:02

YANBU at all, she sounds very insensitive. I would avoid her totally.

millie30 Sat 28-May-11 18:00:17

YANBU. Life is too short to have to tolerate people you dislike. She sounds horrid by the way!

TheOriginalFAB Sat 28-May-11 18:00:31

YANBU at all.

Life is too short to see all the people you want too never mind the ones you don't.

Sqee Sat 28-May-11 18:02:24

shock <Has no words> What Golly said!

Avoid the toxic bitch.

LunaticFringe Sat 28-May-11 18:02:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sqee Sat 28-May-11 18:03:23

So sorry about your pregnancy btw sad

buzzsore Sat 28-May-11 18:05:53

YANBU to avoid her. Don't feel bad about it.

PinotGrigiosKittens Sat 28-May-11 18:07:35

YANBU she is a prize prat.

You sound lovely and I hope you get a happy ending iyswim smile

purplepidjin Sat 28-May-11 18:32:44

Total bitch, at no point in your op did she come across as having been kind or understanding yet alone tactful! I was incredibly flattered when my best mate told me at 9 weeks. There's absolutely no reason to tell anyone at all before 12 wks - or when its too obvious to hide!

HaughtyChuckle Sat 28-May-11 18:34:50

wow that is horrible

maras2 Sat 28-May-11 18:37:31

Let me know where she lives and I'll flippin sort her out.Nasty wagon. Mx.

ohhappyday Sat 28-May-11 18:43:58

So sorry about your pregnancy xx avoid this person like the plague. It's not you it's her. You are doing remarkably well. Life is to short to spend with toxic people. Surround yourself with postive, caring people that you like and trust.

ScarlettWalking Sat 28-May-11 18:46:44

Stay away from her!

PhishFoodAddiction Sat 28-May-11 18:50:45

Gah, she sounds like a nasty piece of work. Ditch her, and save yourself the aggro. She mustn't have an ounce of compassion in her.

Very sorry to hear about your pregnancy sad

YANBU at all.

lachlanbella Sat 28-May-11 18:57:20

She sounds vile. And not insensitive, just deliberately nasty and hurtful.Avoid like the plague You don't need people like that in your life. Cut her off without a second thought, honestly.

Am so sorry about your pregnancy.xxx

Numberfour Sat 28-May-11 19:02:48

Life is sometimes hard enough, as you know all to well, without having the be the presence of hideous people like this woman. YANBU and have every right to protect your own peace of mind and your own child by staying well clear of her.

ILoveYouToo Sat 28-May-11 19:03:03

Christ she sounds dreadful! shock

YANBU!

RedHeels Sat 28-May-11 19:11:47

Drop like a hot potato and be careful not to step on it ever again.

LoveBeingAbleToNamechange Sat 28-May-11 19:13:24

She's a twat, if you'd met her at a different time you might have been able to let stuff go, but you didn't and it doesn't matter. Just do not meet upwith her again.

PinkSchmoo Sat 28-May-11 19:19:42

She sounds utterly ghastly - smug, insensitive and nasty.
YANBU. Avoid at all costs.
So sorry about your pregnancy.

iscream Sat 28-May-11 19:36:55

Yanbu. You don't need a person around who brings you down, and her son sounds like a bad influence.

lucylookout Sat 28-May-11 19:53:20

Thanks so much for all your messages. I felt like I was maybe reacting completely irrationally to her because she does it all in a smiley, smiley way, but am so glad you agree with me. smile

But, my next dilemma is; I'm taking my son out of the nursery in about a month and putting him in another one. I've done loads of research, looked at about 10, and decided on one, which isn't the closest, but that I liked the best. I'm taking him out partly because he's outgrown the other one, and partly because I don't think the staff there do enough to stop DS from getting injured by horrible other one. Anyway, today at the birthday party, the woman I'm trying to avoid said she was thinking of taking her son out of the nursery too and started quizzing me on where I'm sending my son. AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH. I live in London for goodness sake, she could send her son anywhere. What do I do if she sends him to the one I've chosen? Maybe it shouldn't matter but it's already giving me nightmares angry

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