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I really am overreacting, aren't I?

(46 Posts)
VFVF Sat 28-May-11 11:24:34

Brother-in-law's birthday today, let's call him Gary. He is married to my husband's sister (let's call my husband Andy)
Card and present duly sent a few days ago by myself ( as they live abroad, had to be posted)
Today Gary updates his facebook status "Enjoying my <name of present>, thanks Andy!
Do I genuinely have the right to be annoyed that -
Gary would never have received any form of present or card had it not been for me, DH is not good at remembering dates. DH had no idea it was his BIL's birthday until I told him today. Said present and card was also paid by ME out of MY spending money for the month.

I know I'm probably being petty but it's really pissed me off that BIL hasn't put both our names! I'm not angry at DH, he has many wonderful qualities, just remembering family birthdays isn't one of them.

I know the answer is to not bother next year, but in the meantime would it be enormously petty of me to write something sarcastic under his status? And if so does anyone have any good suggestions?

rainbowinthesky Sat 28-May-11 11:26:18

Personally I have never sent dh's family members cards or presents. That's dh's job. I would never ever expect him to send to my family on my behalf - but then I'm not 2.

honeybehappy Sat 28-May-11 11:27:05

i'd post something underneath and then get over it smile

Hassled Sat 28-May-11 11:27:42

Post "Don't mention it" under the status.

WalterFlipschicks Sat 28-May-11 11:29:44

I would post a comment saying 'You're welcome ;)'

But that's because I am totally gutless!!

I would want to put 'Fucking Andy didn't know it was your birthday until he saw this status, you are welcome for the gift' grin

Jemma1111 Sat 28-May-11 11:30:27

I'd jokingly write something like " glad you like your present, I will have to let Andy know what I bought for you !" smile

Haecceity Sat 28-May-11 11:30:54

Yes it would be petty.

I'd put "You're welcome. Glad you liked it. Andy would have chosen and sent it himself, but you know how bad his memory is!"


Nice and friendly and makes the point nicely.

But petty grin so you may choose to rise above it instead I wouldn't though

Or use your husband's facebook to reply, "Don't thank me mate, VFVF got it for you."

And yes, you're right. Don't do it again. And why pay out of your spending money anyway? Should gifts for family members not come from family money? or from the spending money of the person on whose side the family member is?

onadifferentplanettoday Sat 28-May-11 11:33:47

Log in as your other half,and put 'it should be VFVF you're thanking ,didn't even know I had sent you anything'

Seona1973 Sat 28-May-11 11:33:59

write 'Glad you like it, Andy didnt have a clue what to get so I chose it for you xx'

p.s. unless it is an adult's significant birthday, you're lucky to get more than a card in our family (unless for mum/dad birthday)

FabbyChic Sat 28-May-11 11:41:02

I think you are being unreasonable, who actually cares, its obvious you bought it and sent it.

sprinkles77 Sat 28-May-11 11:58:29

YANBU. Happened to me all the time. That's life. DP's are hopeless at presents. I don't bother now for his family. If he remembers and asks nicely I'll get presents and send them (use his credit card though). If not, forget it. Chances are your BIL is as hopeless as your DH. Blame the parents!

allhailtheaubergine Sat 28-May-11 12:03:07

What's with all the logging on to her husband's acocunt? Surely when he sees it he will say it was OP, not him?

jeckadeck Sat 28-May-11 12:04:42

I think you are being a bit petty, tbh. I can understand being privately pissed off, but in all fairness the BIL probably doesn't know that your other half is a bit rubbish about this. If you do post you will end up looking a bit spiteful and small-minded. Just enjoy feeling privately virtuous.

heleninahandcart Sat 28-May-11 12:44:38

Maybe BIL is social fwit on these things ie doesn't have the wit to realize it would be you? Either way, take that line.
'you're welcome' with a wink should enable you to make your point although if he genuinely doesn't get it this will also go over his head.

IprivateI Sat 28-May-11 12:48:57

Just write "OUR pleasure" underneath.

Did you write your name or your DH's name on the parcel? If you didn't write either name, then he obviously likes your DH better than you. He might secretly hate you because your SIL hates you. What a funny way to find out shock

Lonnie Sat 28-May-11 13:02:22

Go with the " done mention it" and then havea cuppa and forget about it.. not worth sweating over

Lonnie Sat 28-May-11 13:08:07

dont not done grrr

Vallhala Sat 28-May-11 13:21:38

"Unreasonable" made an appearance long before BIL's FB comment. It reared its head when you bought, paid for and sent a gift on the behalf of a perfectly fully functioning, presumably able-bodied adult man. Why are you enabling him to behave as if he were a three year old who is incapable to going to the shops, counting out money or using the postal service for himself? hmm

You've only yourself to blame. I just don't understand why women mother their husbands in this way... when was the last time a man remembered and bought/wrapped/sent presents for his wife's family and friends?

Goblinchild Sat 28-May-11 13:24:50

Wot she said.
I've been married decades and don't do any of that stuff for my OH's family, nor he for mine. We sign cards the other has bought, but that's it.
What's the point of doing it if you then get huffy afterwards?

buzzsore Sat 28-May-11 13:30:57

grin at IprivateI.

VFVF, you are being unreasonable. FB your bil yourself and say 'you're welcome' if it bugs you, by all means, but making any further issue out of it would make you look petty and ridiculous.

You should be annoyed with dh for not taking responsibility for his family. I don't know why you hold your bil to higher standards than your dh.

While it's fine to cover for your dh on these sorts of things if you want to, don't expect to get credit and ffs don't use your own money & resent it!

Morloth Sat 28-May-11 13:34:36

Why are you buying gifts for your husband's sister's husband who lives overseas?

Pancakeflipper Sat 28-May-11 13:35:17

I think Gary knows Andy hasn't lifted a finger. Perhaps it is a pressie he thinks Andy would like?

I buy for DP's family. BIL's rarely thank me. They phone DP or text DP. But they all know me who does the present buying. And MIL has previously informed me they know the gifts would be super pants if DP was buying. It doesn't annoy me cos I know that they know and I like buying great presents.

lulalullabye Sat 28-May-11 13:35:46

Don't post on the FB and don't do itnext year. You will just get more bitter and resentful.

discobeaver Sat 28-May-11 13:36:20

Next year buy him a Fleshlight. Wait for the FB update on that one.

But seriously, what Valhalla said.

Silver1 Sat 28-May-11 13:42:02

Happens on DH's side as well- I have decided it must be a quirky custom of theirs! I wouldn't mind but SIL gave ME a list of family birthdays and significant dates when we got engaged! I do take the view gifts and cards are from the family, so who bought it is irrelevant (sometimes DH does sometimes I do for either side of the family) so I was surprised to receive the following missive from SIL

Dearest Bro and Nephew thanks for the - it is perfect. say hi to Silver from me. Love SIL

Yep that would be Silver who traipsed around two towns looking for the perfect gift as SILs DH described last gift as tat (that's the one my DH picked).

Then DH and I took his cousin out to dinner with little nugget.
Cousin duly sent Nugget a little gift (one of those things that crawls down your clean window) and a note, "say thanks to daddy for taking me out to dinner, and say hi to mummy. "

I would ignore it to be honest, because it upsets you more than anyone else.

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