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DH and the bachelor lifestyle...

(5 Posts)
bunny1976 Sat 28-May-11 09:53:22

I have always had faith that DH will do the right thing, but I'm starting to worry about his decisions now we have child number 2 on the way...
He has been studying at college and planned to go self employed, I have always supported him in this. However, he has just announced that in 2 weeks time he will be going part time in his usual job to spend time promoting himslef as an electrician - he won't even be qualified until he passes his exams in July!
He has the mortgage and some other bills coming out of his account, and assures me that his wage from his job will cover these and anything he earns on top from being self employed will be his 'spends'. He knows nothing about the tax system or the implications of being self employed, and has already hinted he will not be declaring all the work he does. He also has a lot of debt and zero savings.
He is basing this whole idea on his drinking buddies who are self employed, his argument is if they can do it why can't he? My counter argument is that they are all single and live at home with their mums...
I'm feeling very left out of what, as far as I am concerned, is a very serious decision about our finances. I'm on maternity leave and will be taking a two third wage cut on SMP and will only just be able to cover my share of the bills. I have been saving hard and paid off my debts to make having 2 chldren a bit financially easier. I'm also starting to worrry that when I go back to work, we won't be able to afford for me to do term time only as we discussed, planned and sorted out with work months ago.
Every time I try to discuss this with him he gets all defensive and pretty much refuses to talk about it any further. Any ideas on how I can approach this without triggering yet another argument? Sorry for the essay, but I'm starting to lose a lot of sleep over this.

BumWiper Sat 28-May-11 09:58:32

can you get him a meeting with an accountant?of course his drinking buddies will talk it up but the reality is very different.

Icelollycraving Sat 28-May-11 10:01:50

How old is he? Was he ready for children & responsibility?
I would put the bills you can cover into your name. You need to get him to sit down & work out finances with you. Tell him that you are glad he will be promoting himself but not at the expense of cutting his hours. Lots of self employed don't declare the odd cash job but it's not free spends! Perhaps could you do the books?
Did you decide to have yr family together? Sounds like he is reacting in a panic.
Hope you work it out,good luck.

controlpantsandgladrags Sat 28-May-11 10:10:04

I agree that he needs to talk to an accountant or a financial advisor. If he won't listen to you, you need to get a third party involved.

bunny1976 Sat 28-May-11 10:15:03

He's 34, we've been together 8 years and have a 6 year old already. This pregnancy was planned after we got married last year.
It's his drinking buddies and his mum who have put the ideas into his head, but like I said the buddies are single and live at home (ages 42-30ish) and his mum has had a couple of her own businesses and likes to think she is en expert, but each one has been a long line of debt, trouble and hard work... Worryingly she is also an accountant and will be handling his books for him - I can't do it as there is no way I could bring myself to fiddle the books to any degree.

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