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Brother being selfish or am I being insensitive?

(36 Posts)
sandypeg Sat 28-May-11 00:04:27

I'm getting married very soon. Met my future DH through my brother, they work together and were good friends. My brother told DF to not go there with me as I am his younger sister. Anyway, it happened regardless....Me and DF are best friends, I can honestly say I have met my soul mate smile we got on so well from day one!
Forward a couple of years, said brother has accepted us and wedding is near. I have asked my niece (brother's daughter) to be bridesmaid. She is 14 and so happy! The day before the fitting my brother decided he couldn't get the day off work to bring her for the fitting sad
It was worked out eventually so my niece made the fitting but my brother hasn't spoke to either of us since.
I can see (sort of) why my brother is feeling uncomfortable but surely by now he should be happy for us?

fearnelinen Sat 28-May-11 00:06:00

YANBU, he needs to get over it.
But it's wierd if thats the full story?

BeerTricksPotter Sat 28-May-11 00:12:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sandypeg Sat 28-May-11 00:17:16

I'm quite sensible....wink
or like to think I am!

I don't think its that at all beer
I do have my worries, not sure they should be posted on here though?

BeerTricksPotter Sat 28-May-11 00:20:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LDNmummy Sat 28-May-11 00:24:21

Is he 12 or something? Very immature unless he has genuine concerns about the guy that he hasn't told you about. In which case as a good brother he should have done by now instead of acting so silly.

FourFingeredKitkat Sat 28-May-11 00:30:54

Unless he's a history of behaving so childishly, I suspect he "knows" something about your DF, or about his general character that this is his round about way of telling you about. Talk to him.

sandypeg Sat 28-May-11 00:31:12

My DF is a very loyal man. He was married before, I am friendly with his XW. Their marriage split up because of her unfaithfulness. She has admitted he is the most loyal man ever. My concern is that my brother is the one with the ishoos.....he is a grown man who is skipping from one relationship to the next without a thought for anyone else involved. When we were younger he had a thing with another man.....he has always made a point of speaking to my DF (hardly spoke to me) the whole time we have been together.
I think I have just answered my own queries! So different in type! But AISBU? x

sandypeg Sat 28-May-11 00:33:03

He is a very selfish person BTW.....but still my brother and I still adore him ;)

manicbmc Sat 28-May-11 00:34:55

He still needs to get over it though. Your soon to be husband is with you and not him.

Teenytiny Sat 28-May-11 00:38:31

To the op dont let people tell you or make out your df is upto something or whatever they are implying......they dont know anything

fearnelinen Sat 28-May-11 00:40:23


sandypeg Sat 28-May-11 00:44:50

teeny thanks for that! I know my df isn't up to anything. We have lived together for just over a year now and both work extremely long hours (I do 50 hours a week alone) any spare time is always spent together. I trust him implicitly.... x

Sqee Sat 28-May-11 01:00:06

Wow. I cannot believe the posts here! You seem very secure in your relationship and have made it clear your brother was a little unhappy with it to begin with but he 'got over it'. It seems to me he didn't really (some brothers are odd about things like this believe me I have 2 older brothers and I'm the youngest and the only girl!) Trust me if there were anything going on behind your back your brother would not act out on it by not letting his DD go to a dress fitting.

Has he been busy or had some stress recently? Sometimes when planning a wedding we tend to take the smallest things to heart. I'm not saying you are selfish but people get 'wedding brain' and one of the symptoms is thinking of little else but the big day! (I'm just beginning to plan my wedding and I can feel the sickness taking over AHH! grin )

Talk to your brother. That is the only way you will feel better. Also don't get all paranoid by the posts here and congratulations!!

iscream Sat 28-May-11 01:03:46

Maybe your brother could not get the time off work. My husband would not have taken time off for a dress fitting, it would have to be done after work hours or someone else would have to be the driver chauffeur.

sandypeg Sat 28-May-11 01:13:28

sqee congrats back to you!
I can safely say I am NOT stressed grin In fact everyone is saying how calm I am. I am expecting the bridezilla effect to hit the week leading up to the day! Generally I am a calm person anyway and always put everyone else first (probably the reason I am posting this now!) My DF keeps telling me to let my brother get on with it but he is family! He means too much to me to just let him be!
We are very secure and very happy, I guess my main concern is my older brother hmm x

sandypeg Sat 28-May-11 01:16:36

iscream - my DF does exactly the same job as him and we both know he could have easily got the afternoon off (we deliberately made a late appointment for work/school reasons) but he still said he couldn't do it. He had known about the appointment for 3 weeks confused x

HorseWhisperer Sat 28-May-11 01:23:41

Congrats on your upcoming nuptials Sandy. If you are saying what I think you are saying then your brother needs to deal with it. Clearly you and your DF are very much in love and intend to make a life together. Your brother is behaving immaturely but nonetheless continue to be kind to him, it cannot be easy for him.

If I have got the wrong end of the stick then I apologise in advance, profusely.

Sqee Sat 28-May-11 01:31:32

You sound lovely hehe. I'm abit like you! (letting my bridesmaids choose their own dress design letting DF choose his and his groomsmen suits! still a nightmare tho, but a nice one!) But what I was thinking is does he have any big stresses right now that you know about? I know my brothers are so (I don't want to use the term 'manly' but I must) manly that he hasn't discussed things with you.

Also were you and your brother close before?

Sqee Sat 28-May-11 01:44:29

(Ack, I don't mean I find myself lovely BTW)

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy Sat 28-May-11 01:56:05

As you've said, you've answered your own queries - and now you should go with your instincts.

If your brother has an ishoo, he'll raise it with you. Don't take the initiative as you may open a can of worms that could spill over and mar what should be one of the happiest days of your life.

Least said soonest mended, and there may come a time years down the line when you can say to your brother 'WTF was that about' without it becoming contentious.

sandypeg Sat 28-May-11 01:56:21

Thank you all!
horse you haven't got the wrong end of the stick at all
sqee grin I'm sure you are lovely! I have done the same - pick your own! Bridesmaids are all wearing the same dress, but shoes, pah wear what you want! Same with flower girls.....I just want everyone to be happy on the day! Selfishy it will make the whole day better for us! wink

sandypeg Sat 28-May-11 01:56:40

Thank you all!
horse you haven't got the wrong end of the stick at all
sqee grin I'm sure you are lovely! I have done the same - pick your own! Bridesmaids are all wearing the same dress, but shoes, pah wear what you want! Same with flower girls.....I just want everyone to be happy on the day! Selfishy it will make the whole day better for us! wink

Sqee Sat 28-May-11 02:12:24

That is just what I want everyone happy, My poor SiL if having to spend £2000 because her sister wants a wedding abroad. She has a 2yo and is a SAHM and my brother doesn't earn much. So they have to pay that and buy clothes for my niece and a suit for my brother.

It's all sitting sour with her family which I don't really understand I (presumably like you) want my family and friends to look back on my wedding as a wonderful day not a stressful/spiteful day!

Anyway we are getting off subject (What dress have you picked?!)...I mean what are you going to say to your brother?

sandypeg Sat 28-May-11 02:12:41

izzy I'm new to MN tried pm'ing you but it didn't work......or maybe it did but MN won't tell me confused

I am thinking along those lines....sometime in the future....but I'm not sure I can wait until sometime in the future for my brother to tell me his problem x

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