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AIBU?

To say that I was really shocked at the state of this woman's house?

244 replies

sunshine76 · 27/05/2011 23:13

I know everyone has different standards about how they keep their house, but we went round for a lunch/playdate thing today and I was really shocked at how messy the house was.

I have never been judgy about this type of thing ever before (and have lived in my fair share of minging student houses in the past), but it really was shocking to me. Stuff everywhere, clutter, laundry, broken things, things piled up in corners, stuff all down the stairway, stuff all over bathroom floor. The kitchen you could not see any surface and there was a huge (more than one night) pile of dirty pans.

I know we all have our off days, but I was pretty shocked that she invite me over when it was like that.

I am pretty sure she does not have any mental issues, is a SAHM with two kids and happily married/not short of money, the DC sleep well etc. Are some people naturally this messy? If she is too busy why doesn't the husband not pull a finger out and do some tidying when he gets home?

I nearly laughed when she suggested her DC tidy their toys before lunch, as they were by far the least of the mess/chaos.

I was grateful for lunch and she is nice but it has weirded me out a bit seeing how they live.

Anyone else been truly shocked by someone's house?

OP posts:

Report

GypsyMoth · 27/05/2011 23:16

yes. my best friends place

we live miles apart but even my dc were shocked when we visited....they commented about it to her. she laughed it off saying it was 'surface mess'

fishtankneedscleaning · 27/05/2011 23:17

You ate lunch there? And visited the bathroom? If it was as bad as you say I think I would have made my excuses and left tbh.

trixymalixy · 27/05/2011 23:18

Eek, don't come to mine!!!

Pictish · 27/05/2011 23:19

Yes - I have a very good pal like this.
She uses her oven as a cupboard.

sayithowitis · 27/05/2011 23:21

Maybe her and her DH are comfortable with their hoe the way it is. Maybe they spend their time doing other stuff instead of housework. As long as the house is not unhealthily dirty, tbh, I don't see the problem. I would far rather have lunch with someone who was warm and welcoming who lives in an untidy house, than go to an 'Ideal Home Show House' where I feel uncomfortable in case I put a cup down in the wrong place or where I am frightened to use the 'perfect' bathroom in case I leave a drop of water on the perfectly clean and shiny basin.

manicbmc · 27/05/2011 23:21

My house is a bit messy. But it is at least clean (ish). I do spend some time doing housework.

I think if she can't even manage to wash the dishes then maybe she does have some issues.

sunshine76 · 27/05/2011 23:21

Well we did eat lunch, but I helped prepare most of it on the one clean chopping board!

No didn't use the bathroom I could just see in it (downstairs loo door wide open.

The thought of going back there is pretty icky, but I want to go at least once more and see if it is always like that nosey

OP posts:

Pictish · 27/05/2011 23:23

I'll snswer that for you. it is. It is always like that.
Did you like her?

Tryharder · 27/05/2011 23:23

I have an old friend who lives in a house that wouldn't look much out of place on a Kim and Aggie show. It used to freak me out but I am used to it now.

The thing is, is that my friend is really, really immaculate herself - never a hair out of place or anything less than full make up, lovely clothes etc...

However, I generally don't judge others as my house isn't looking too great at the moment with 3 young children and me working full time.

manicbmc · 27/05/2011 23:24

Or maybe she has had some problems in the past and it got to the point of being too much to handle?

sunshine76 · 27/05/2011 23:27

There really was no way it could have been cleaned recently there was just too much stuff everywhere, but it didn't look filthy dirty so I guess she does clean (a bit).

I agree that normal mess is fine and well NORMAL and a 'showhome' can be annoying but this was OTT messy.

In 30+ years I have never been shocked by another person's house until now.

OP posts:

LordOfTheFlies · 27/05/2011 23:29

Some of the places I go to (NHS worker on home visits) you wipe your feet on the way out.
I tend not to notice clutter but there have been houses with so many newspapers,carrier bags, clothes folded on chairs etc (usually the bed is downstairs) that I do worry if there was a fire.They would have NO chance of getting out.

Kiwiinkits · 27/05/2011 23:32

My best friend's the same. Every time I go there I have to bite my tongue because I can see the easy solution to their mess problem: to buy some decent shelving for toys and a kitchen sideboard so they can put some of their sh*t away! I even know exactly the furniture I would buy. But at the end of the day it's none of my business how they organise their house (or don't, as the case may be). Hasn't changed our friendship.
Ooooh ooh I have another friend who uses the most MINGING kitchen cloth I have ever seen to not only wipe the bench and the table, but also his baby's face, the floor, the top of the TV etc. That cloth has never been washed, as far as I know. Boak. I try not to think about it too much.

Salmotrutta · 27/05/2011 23:32

When I go to visit someone I go to see them. I do not go to judge their house. I am not the housewife my Mum was/is but I keep things tidyish and make sure kitchen and bathroom are clean.
But I never judge friends on the cleanliness of their houses. Why would I? They are friends. So you don't judge them surely?

cat64 · 27/05/2011 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mrsdonkeybucket · 27/05/2011 23:35

Salmo I concur.

Salmotrutta · 27/05/2011 23:35

cat64 - I guess you mean a Hyacinth Bucket would make you uncomfortable? Me too!!

Kiwiinkits · 27/05/2011 23:35

I must say I try to judge the man of the house equally as much as the woman.

TidyDancer · 27/05/2011 23:36

Yes, I have a friend like that. Actually worse than that, because the house is basically a health hazard. Worryingly, she has a crawling baby who hasn't inspired her to improve things. To call the house disgusting would be kind.

And to answer the other part, it didn't entirely surprise me. She is wonderfully loyal and an absolute pleasure to have as a friend, but 'personal grooming' is not high on the agenda. I was shocked at the extent of the dirt in the house, but not that it was in some state of disarray.

Kiwiinkits · 27/05/2011 23:37

Jeepers TryHarder you've got 3 kids and you work FT!? How the hang do you get any time to be on MN?

Salmotrutta · 27/05/2011 23:37

Hey mrsdonkey - great minds and all that......

Pictish · 27/05/2011 23:37

I think that if you became friends and you visited regularly, it would stop shocking you. My mate's place doesn't bother me....I just laugh at it.

A few days worth of dishes isn't so bad as to write her off.

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xstitch · 27/05/2011 23:38

Nobody let my XMIL into your house she would find fault after Kim and Aggie had been. She is now banned from y house along with the rest of the family.

mrsdonkeybucket · 27/05/2011 23:39

Salmo

[winks]

Thought you'd gone to bed !

microserf · 27/05/2011 23:39

not being funny, but might she be a hoarder?

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compulsive_hoarding

i have a close family member who lives next door to one. it can be difficult and there are various degrees obviously. it's just when you said "stuff piled up in corners" i got a reminder of this person's situation.

often goes with poor / no hygiene alas. hope i am not imagining worse than it is!

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