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AIBU?

Guardian Soul Mates - would you?

37 replies

theglove · 27/05/2011 17:11

Almost everyone within my age range and area seemed nice, including someone I knew, weirdly.

However, as much as I'd like to I'd never feel able to post a picture online, precisely because of being recognised and then feeling humiliated.

Is it something others would feel quite natural, or is internet dating not a good idea?

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Tambern · 27/05/2011 17:24

I know the feeling. I liked Guardian Soul Mates, but also was worried about people I know recognising me. So I wrote a profile that reflected me, assured people I wasn't a total uggo, and said that if they liked what they'd read, to email me and I'd give them a picture. That way I could check first I didn't know them haha, and also know that they'd read my profile

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BooBooGlass · 27/05/2011 17:26

Go for it. I was convimced to try internet dating by my friend last year. I was horrified at the idea of people seeing my photo. But I met my dp, and my photo was only up for about 4 weeks in total. It's very easy to delete your profile if the idea really makes you cringe, but what do you have to lose by trying? I wouldn't look at anyone without a picture on their profile. I'd think they had something to hide.

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xstitch · 27/05/2011 17:28

I met my DP on an dating site. We are getting married this summer.

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theglove · 27/05/2011 17:32

That's a good idea, I hope you get replies.
There are quite a few without pictures, but many more with, so I'd tend to ignore the pictureless ones I'm afraid, but maybe I'm just lazy

I think it's the casual browser (like me) I'm worried about, someone being able to see a profile without registering.

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theglove · 27/05/2011 17:36

That's good xstitch and BooBoo, it's hearing stories like that that makes me want to do it!

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Slanted · 27/05/2011 17:43

But on Guardian Soul Mates there's the option to make your photos private, isn't there? At least, there was when I last used it, a few years ago. I kept them hidden, and only revealed them to particular people if I wanted to.

I met DH on that site. We were married last year and I'm currently sat here feeding our baby boy.

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discobeaver · 27/05/2011 17:45

There was that thread on here about the 80 year old granny and the 40 year old "toy boy" who met on Guardian soul mates.
He sounded a total grade A loon.
Not saying they're all like that mind . . .

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PrincessJenga · 27/05/2011 17:46

I also met DP online (match.com) & we're getting married next year. I'd highly recommend it... BUT you must put a picture on! Most people (fickle as we are!) won't even look at the profile of anyone who doesn't.

My top advice is to pose some kind of question in your profile (then you'll be able to weedle out who's actually read it & who just sends the same opening gambit to everyone they message)

Once you're messaging people, meet them (somewhere public!) as quickly as possible. You can waste ages emailing people who appear great by email but you just don't click with in real life.

Enjoy it

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minipie · 27/05/2011 17:50

I think the stigma of internet dating is going, going, gone

IMO it makes total sense. Why limit yourself to a small pool of "friends of friends" when you could go man shopping consider many more alternatives via the internet?

I know people in RL who've met their OH (fiance in one case) on mysinglefriend, which I think is quite a good site because your friends "sell" you instead of you having to sell yourself. Picture needed mind you!

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MissBetsyTrotwood · 27/05/2011 17:52

My brother met his wife to be and mother of his child on Guardian Soul Mates. My late best friend met a fabulous guy on it, the month before she died. Go for it and enjoy yourself (all safety caveats applying, obviously!)

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Atwaroverscrabble · 27/05/2011 17:54

I put an ad in guardian soul mates but not the website, just the one in the guide 5 years ago... Met a few weirdos nut not as bad as Internet dating and eventually met dh, and now have dd who is 18 months.... Don't mention you are a parent in the ad though, it does attract some odd ones but mention you have kids early on!

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theglove · 27/05/2011 17:54

Slanted, if they do have that option that'd be great. I'll have a closer look.

I am actually getting quite excited about it reading this, maybe I'll actually do it!

It's such a small town though.

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EggyAllenPoe · 27/05/2011 17:54

my sister met her fiance on guardian soul mates,....

i don't see anything wrong with internet dating - much more likely to yield a result than just going to the pub...

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Giselle99 · 27/05/2011 18:15

Theglove- expanding on slanted's suggestion, once you make your pics private you can then select the men you like the sound of and make them one of your 'favourites' - this means they can now see your pics but others can't. It also lets them know you're semi-interested but you also don't care if most of your favourites do not get back to you as they have to be paid members to do this, and many are not. Also they may have just met someone and have put themselves off the market but still have a profile etc. You can have as many favourites as you want.

I know many people who have met their longterm partners there, so it really is worth a go.

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OTheHugeManatee · 27/05/2011 18:21

GSM has by far the best normal to weirdo ratio of any dating site I've come across. I met generally very nice people there, including the man I'm marrying next year.

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emsyj · 27/05/2011 18:32

I would do Internet dating in a heartbeat if I was single. Back in them olden days it wasn't as 'normal' as it is now and the Internet was still a bit new-fangled so it wasn't an option when I was looking, so I joined a sports club (for a sport I am not interested in) to meet men. Same thing IMO. It's just about widening your circle and meeting new people, then eventually you're bound to meet someone you click with.

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slippingsoftlyaway · 27/05/2011 18:37

I've had a good few months meeting men off the GSM website. Some were ok, some were definitely pretty weird, but I had some fun times. They were quite relaxed people, fairly open-minded sexually, often working in media.

I've used the Times dating website as well which had more solvent men on it but generally a bit more conventional, often working in finance or law. They introduced me to some lovely restaurants and hotels though .

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MooncupGoddess · 27/05/2011 18:39

Oh, go for it. The only people who will find you on it are people who are involved in/thinking about online dating themselves, so they can't exactly pour scorn on you!

I found a colleague on there last week, fortunately neither of our profiles are at all embarrassing so we just had a laugh about it.

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CharlotteBronteSaurus · 27/05/2011 18:42

aw, how nice to hear all these stories of Guardian Soul Mates couples
my close friend met her lovely DP of several years' standing through GSM

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Mamateur · 27/05/2011 18:43

I met DP (soon to be DH on there).

I think if you're going to do internet dating you need to embrace it. Nothing worse than someone saying, ooh I can't believe I'm on here blah blah.

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2rebecca · 27/05/2011 18:50

No, they're all down south.
Don't see why it's different to other dating sites though.

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Adversecamber · 27/05/2011 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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northernrock · 27/05/2011 19:03

I've done it, put pic up and everything, so of course all my friends found me on it and critiqued my profile!
I think you have to be upfront and shameless about it.
If you don't feel embarassed, then others won't think it's embarassing.

I had some good dates and a relationship out of it and will prob be going back. Plus its really good for boosting your self confidence-I was feeling a right frumpy old moo but got lots of compliments and nice male attention.
Do it!

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YellowDinosaur · 27/05/2011 19:05

I met dh online (datingdirect) and we have been happily married for nearly 7 years and have 2 gorgeous sons.

PrincessJengas post and advice is absolutely spot on.

Go for it - you have nothing to lose. And if Guardian soul mates doesn't have the privacy option many other sites do so perhaps try one of them first?

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YellowDinosaur · 27/05/2011 19:08

cross posted with northernrock and totally agree about being upfront and open about it - if you're not embarrassed (and I wasn't after a couple of weeks because I felt like Carrie in Sex and the City with my breakfast, lunch and dinner dates ) then they will soon get bored of taking the mick!

Whats to be embarrassed about anyway? Most single people would admit to wanting to meet the right person (even if they would prefer to be single to being with a twat), so what is so wrong about being proactive about it?

One of the things I found so refreshing about internet dating is that it cuts the crap. You KNOW you are both there because you want to meet someone (or you do once you have rooted out those out for a shag, the married and the losers who are actually pretty easy to spot) so there is no pretence.