Your best insult

[MrsGaGaGo]

Someone messaged me on here to tell me they knew a good vet :) :) :)
What's the best you've heard?
Remember it's all tongue in cheek :)

[DontCallMePeanut]

I once heard a woman call her DS a son of a bitch. He replied with "Yes, I am..."

[DontCallMePeanut]

I'd like to bury the hatchett... In your back...

[cees]

My two friends were having a heated debate row about something and one says to the other 'Who lit the fuse on your tampon'

[peeriebear]

"Your breath would start the windmill in an old Dutch painting" (thank you Salem the cat!)
Save your breath for your blow up girlfriend
You brought a fart to a shit fight
If brains were dynamite you'd barely ruffle your hair

[shortarsefuck]

The world would be a better place if you'd run down your mother's leg.

[QuietTiger]

"You've set your benchmark exceptionally low and managed not to achieve it."
"If I shine a torch in your ear, your eyes will light up".

[thebeansmum]

'About as much use as the Pope's dick'... (sorry for any any offence caused)

[ddubsgirl]

Your mama so dumb she got hit by a parked car
heres 20p go call some who cares
take a long walk off a short pier

[manicbmc]

'I've seen more meat on a chipolata'

'If you were any slower you'd be going in reverse'

'Just one more brain cell and you could rub them together to start a fire'

[Sqee]

Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

[IprivateI]

When someone points out something pretty obvious reply with: "Thanks Captain Obvious".

[StellaSays]

I always found 'oh go jump in a lake' hilarious for some reason :o

[perfumedlife]

When told of someones dreams I usually say ' I can hardly contain my indifference'. God, other peoples dreams are boring.

[LadyOfTheCuntryManor]

That's fine, you're still a cunt.

[SnuffleTurtle153]

Overheard: 2 teenage girls on a bus.
'You're a knob.'
'You're a knob.'
'You know, if I'd wanted my own comeback I'd have wiped it off your boyfriend's chin'

[LadyOfTheCuntryManor]

ha ha ha ha! That's brilliant.

Shall use that the next time Bupcakes steals my insults.

[issey6cats]

little short guy in a nightclub thinking he had a lookin
i told him i like my men under 30 over six foot l and with all thier own teeth

[saffy85]

I need you in my life like the Pope needs Durex. I have used that one. On an ex boyfriend.

[saffy85]

You'd make a paddling pool look deep.

[skybluepearl]

youve got a face like a smacked bottom.

[YellowDinosaur]

pmsl at 'you brought a fart to a shit fight' but with a house full of males (even the cat) toilet humour gets me everytime!