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Your best insult

(99 Posts)
MrsGaGaGo Fri 27-May-11 16:14:33

Someone messaged me on here to tell me they knew a good vet smile smile smile
What's the best you've heard?
Remember it's all tongue in cheek smile

DontCallMePeanut Fri 27-May-11 16:33:26

I once heard a woman call her DS a son of a bitch. He replied with "Yes, I am..."

justpaddling Fri 27-May-11 16:54:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DontCallMePeanut Fri 27-May-11 16:57:47

I'd like to bury the hatchett... In your back...

cees Fri 27-May-11 16:57:55

My two friends were having a heated debate row about something and one says to the other 'Who lit the fuse on your tampon'

peeriebear Fri 27-May-11 17:05:23

"Your breath would start the windmill in an old Dutch painting" (thank you Salem the cat!)
Save your breath for your blow up girlfriend
You brought a fart to a shit fight
If brains were dynamite you'd barely ruffle your hair

shortarsefuck Fri 27-May-11 17:06:31

The world would be a better place if you'd run down your mother's leg.

QuietTiger Fri 27-May-11 17:08:05

"You've set your benchmark exceptionally low and managed not to achieve it."
"If I shine a torch in your ear, your eyes will light up".

thebeansmum Fri 27-May-11 17:08:56

'About as much use as the Pope's dick'... (sorry for any any offence caused)

zukiecat Fri 27-May-11 17:11:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ddubsgirl Fri 27-May-11 17:13:51

Your mama so dumb she got hit by a parked car
heres 20p go call some who cares
take a long walk off a short pier

manicbmc Fri 27-May-11 17:14:54

'I've seen more meat on a chipolata'

'If you were any slower you'd be going in reverse'

'Just one more brain cell and you could rub them together to start a fire'

Sqee Fri 27-May-11 17:17:41

Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.

IprivateI Fri 27-May-11 17:19:28

When someone points out something pretty obvious reply with: "Thanks Captain Obvious".

StellaSays Fri 27-May-11 17:35:34

I always found 'oh go jump in a lake' hilarious for some reason grin

CoffeeDodger Fri 27-May-11 17:39:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

perfumedlife Fri 27-May-11 17:41:18

When told of someones dreams I usually say ' I can hardly contain my indifference'. God, other peoples dreams are boring.

LadyOfTheCuntryManor Fri 27-May-11 17:41:41

That's fine, you're still a cunt.

SnuffleTurtle153 Fri 27-May-11 17:42:03

Overheard: 2 teenage girls on a bus.
'You're a knob.'
'You're a knob.'
'You know, if I'd wanted my own comeback I'd have wiped it off your boyfriend's chin'

LadyOfTheCuntryManor Fri 27-May-11 17:45:43

ha ha ha ha! That's brilliant.

Shall use that the next time Bupcakes steals my insults.

issey6cats Fri 27-May-11 18:06:25

little short guy in a nightclub thinking he had a lookin
i told him i like my men under 30 over six foot l and with all thier own teeth

saffy85 Fri 27-May-11 18:08:45

I need you in my life like the Pope needs Durex. I have used that one. On an ex boyfriend.

saffy85 Fri 27-May-11 18:11:52

You'd make a paddling pool look deep.

skybluepearl Fri 27-May-11 19:10:01

youve got a face like a smacked bottom.

YellowDinosaur Fri 27-May-11 19:14:12

pmsl at 'you brought a fart to a shit fight' gringringrin but with a house full of males (even the cat) toilet humour gets me everytime!

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