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to have had an abortion and feel ZERO shame or regret

(1001 Posts)
GetOrfMoiCase Thu 26-May-11 13:00:54

In AIBU because it is a popular topic. I know I am not being unreasonable.

Thread is in response to a report I heard on the news yesterday which was shamefully presented, regarding abortion access.

There is a thread on MN currently about it

Apparently there is a twitter thingummy going around 'I had an abortion' for people to discuss guilt free abortions.

Just thought it would be appropriate to have a thread on here for people put a positive side of abortion.

My story: got pregnant 5 years ago. My dd was 10. I was in a relationship of 6 months duration and had recently started a new job. Condom failure. My partner and I agreed that we didn't want a baby, I booked an abortion and had it without a backward glance. No emotional fall out afterwards. No guilt.

tallulahxhunny Thu 26-May-11 13:02:35

Yabu to brag about it

TheRhubarb Thu 26-May-11 13:06:00

I don't think you need to boast about it love. It's never a nice procedure to go through and I don't think that women are plied upon with guilt from well meaning people either. Most people mind their own business.
Saying you had an abortion and don't give shit is almost as bad as the guilt brigade you are trying but failing to shame. It's an emotive subject and some women feel enormous guilt about it and spend weeks agonising over it, so don't treat it as though it's a shopping trip.

I personally feel that abortion is treated sensitively and there are more than enough charities that help both sides of the argument. There's plenty of choice in this country too, so we've nowt to moan about.

miniwedge Thu 26-May-11 13:06:36

YANBU to feel however you feel but I think it is innappropriate to put a discussion thread on such an emotive subject in AIBU.

AIBU is a popular topic because there are so many rucks and a lot of people use it as a vehicle to be a bit more twattish than they would in real life. I think this thread being in this topic area will end up being more of a shit storm than a reasonable discussion about a subject that affects a huge amount of women.

DuelingFanjo Thu 26-May-11 13:06:39


I feel the same. I have never regretted the decision I made 15 years ago and I did not suffer emotionall from myy informed choice. My story is condom failure and MAP failure in fairly new relationship. I was with my then partner for a further decade.

sockonmyhead Thu 26-May-11 13:08:13

I don't think there can be a positive side of abortion, only a negative side to continuing pregnancy, iyswim. And to walk away from an abortion with no guilt seems very wrong to me, in most circumstances. It ends at least the potential of life and to do that without emotional fall out is heartless I feel. Abortion maybe the best choice in many situations, but it surely shouldn't be an easy thing to do?

lowercase Thu 26-May-11 13:08:24


limitedperiodonly Thu 26-May-11 13:09:24

tallulah She's not bragging, she's stating a fact and saying that she's not ashamed.

What is unreasonable is expecting her to be ashamed.

No, Get, I haven't had an abortion but thank you for this thead.

knittedbreast Thu 26-May-11 13:09:43

i dont think you are being unreasonable to not feel guilty for having an abortion. i think its quite healthy to start hearing from women who have done so, most people seem to think that those who have had them should feel shame and regret, it makes society feel apeased to see a woman regret it every day and to say how they wouldnt ever again.

I dont have one single friend thats had an abortion and regrets it. but that view isnt a popular one.

porcamiseria Thu 26-May-11 13:09:52

YANBY to feel like this

but YABVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVU to post in this rather boastful fashion, really distatseful I think

but hey, its a web forum, post what the fuck you like

OnlyWantsOne Thu 26-May-11 13:10:07

YANBU if thats how you feel.

I think you are being extremely insensitive to effectively brag about your experience when they are many many women who do not, and possible will never be able to view their own experience of abortion in the same care free way you say.

swallowedAfly Thu 26-May-11 13:11:17

Message withdrawn

charitygirl Thu 26-May-11 13:11:19

She's not bragging or boasting. The fact that posters use these words says A LOT about them.

OnlyWantsOne Thu 26-May-11 13:11:27

(and what sockonmyhead said)

... but this all boils down to a debate on abortion...

YABVU to post it here

ShirleyKnot Thu 26-May-11 13:11:39

How is the OP "boasting"?

Stop being so ridiculous.

beesimo Thu 26-May-11 13:12:05


I wonder if you would actually feel, shame, guilt or regret about anything?

LiliesandVeuve Thu 26-May-11 13:12:30

What d''ya want?
A badge?


ChickensHaveNoEyebrows Thu 26-May-11 13:13:07

I get what you're saying, but it's maybe not coming across quite as you'd intended.

Katiepoes Thu 26-May-11 13:13:15

I feel no regret, perhaps a little shame that I put myself into the position that led to needing one. I'm not supposed to fell like that though, according to media articles I should be struggling with a crippling guilt.

At the time I felt more crippling rage that I was unable to have this done at home and had to travel to England, just like many many other Irish women STILL do. Another topic though that one.

swallowedAfly Thu 26-May-11 13:13:16

Message withdrawn

MooMooFarm Thu 26-May-11 13:14:01

I don't think YABU to feel fine about it - it was clearly the choice that was right for you.

But I feel uncomfortable about you talking about it in AIBU - maybe it trivialises the subject or something? I don't know.

wowwowwubbzywubbzywubbzywowwow Thu 26-May-11 13:14:24

YANBU. I don't see this thread as boasting - just putting another side to the commonly held view that having an abortion will ruin your life, you will always wonder what might have been etc. It's like that for some people but not all.

TheRhubarb Thu 26-May-11 13:14:30

Ok, so why does she feel the need to come on an AIBU thread about her abortion that happened 5 years ago? Who is making her and her fellow abortees feel guilty? If it was related to a MN thread I could understand, or if it was in chat under a more sensitive topic.

HOWEVER there are women who do feel a great sense of shame and regret and by continuing with this aggressive and vulgar thread you are actually harming them.

So what is your motive for starting this thread exactly other than to cause a ruck?

SuePurblybilt Thu 26-May-11 13:14:43

I don't see it as boasting, more having the confidence to say that abortions don't always have to end in regret.
I haven't had an abortion but I've had one glorious DD and one MC and am not offended that some people make the decision to end their pregnancies.

swallowedAfly Thu 26-May-11 13:14:52

Message withdrawn

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