to feel annoyed that my homestart volunteer has lectured me over my messy house

[sheepgomeep]

she is lovely she really is, she's been to the shop with my youngest two and she did my kitchen till its gleaming but she lectured me a lot on how I shouldn't be living like this (its not that bad just messy!) my kids need some where nice to live, why was I so stressed, i should have some pride in myself andbasically pull myself together

I was a bit and think maybe she shouldn't have been so blunt. She may have a point but she should keep it to her self right?

[omnishambles]

God that does sound very blunt. Diplomacy lessons needed.

I dont think they are supposed to keep things to themselves though are they? has she tried softly softly before or is she always like that?

[TheCrackFox]

You should phone up your local Homestart and ask to speak to the co-ordinator. she really shouldn't be lecturing you on anything.

[aldiwhore]

Its not nice to hear, and it is only her opinion, but if she didn't say something it would be a bit wrong... I'm a naturally messy person but I got into a bit of a routine and my house is 'alright', still looks lived in (hate uber tidy homes) but Ihave to admit, the general running of the place is a lot less stressful now and that, in turn, means I am a lot more of clear mind, and a nicer person.

I'd be annoyed though, so YANBU, but I'd also have a real close look and see if actually she maybe right. If so, she's done you an unwelcome favour.

[GypsyMoth]

has it worked??

has some of what she said rubbed off?

sometimes blunt is whats needed,but hard to tell from your post how harsh she was really

[sleepingsowell]

I don't think she should keep it to herself necessarily - but she shouldn't make you feel crap, surely the point is to assist you and to ensure that you have routines/methods for coping as time goes on - if she lectures and you feel crap, that's not going to acheive the outcome she wants i wouldn't think. If it was me I would feel patronised.

[sheepgomeep]

they are not supposed to judge, obviously if things are really really bad or there a child protection issue then they have to notify someone. Apparantly I've been told I need a kick up the arse but as my house is just untidy and I have loads on my plate including depression I just don't need this

[Flisspaps]

Provided your house is just messy and not a tip that's endangering your children's or your own health, then she should have kept her mouth shut.

There's being blunt and there's being rude.

[MrsCampbellBlack]

Hard to hear but perhaps she had a point.

Quite hard to tell someone to tidy up I guess - if she was too vague you may not have got the messaged.

Would one of the children perhaps have said something to her about the mess hence her comments?

[cheesesarnie]

i have a family support worker to help/advice with my 2 ds behaviour.shes very blunt but we agreed at the start that we both had to be honest.she cant help me if im not honest and i cant help myself and my family if she pussy foots around a subject.
i love her honesty.

[BerylOfLaughs]

IMO depends how bad your house is. If it's clean but just untidy, then fine. If it's dirty then you need to be told.

[Flisspaps]

X-post with you OP.

Telling someone with depression that they need a kick up the arse and to pull themselves together is not lovely, nor is it supportive.

Call the Homestart co-ordinator and tell them what she has said, it sounds like perhaps she needs a little more training on how to deal with people!

[MrsCampbellBlack]

Sorry you're depressed and I had/have no idea of what her remit is - thought perhaps she is there to talk about ways to make life better etc hence her 'chat'.

[sheepgomeep]

she kept going on saying why do I have no pride in myself, why have I let myself go, then its not not nice for the kids grrr my dads anniversary is coming up next week i feel like shit

[giraffesCantZumba]

was it helpful in anyway?

[sheepgomeep]

My house isn't dirty, yes it needs a good tidy and things put away and i look a mess (i'm off to work later so that will be remedied)

I don't have dog shit on the floor or shitty nappies strwen every where etc

[Brahbrah]

Is my mum your homestart volunteer? I can see her itching to tidy and clean my house whenever she's over, we've had words and she wouldn't dare now, but I do worry about her approach with the families she helps. From what I understand she's there to help you on your terms and shouldn't be lecturing you about anything!

[TheVisitor]

She's not doing what she's trained to do, and that's support you. She's being incredibly negative and almost attacking you verbally instead of bolstering you up and helping you achieve. I do agree that she needs to go back into training! Definitely do call the co-ordinator.

[BooyHoo]

OP i dont mean to offend you but is it possible that you are upset by this because she is right? is your house more than just 'lived in'? i ask because i have depression and for quite some time now, i haven't been coping. my house has gone downhill and i have been aware of this. i have the best intentions everyday to get it better but when my mum mentioned to me at the weekend i was furious with her. i denied that my house was bad and said it was just lived in. she is right though and i know she is. it does need overhauled and i think i am just so upset about teh fact that i haven't been able to do it rather than being upset at my mum for mentioning it.

[aldiwhore]

If you did she'd probably have been more blunt.

If there's an element of truth in it, then I would simply shrug and agree and let it go... it depends how rude she was being.

[Sirzy]

Maybe she was trying to give a "friendly push" and you - understandably - took it the wrong way?

[2BoysTooLoud]

Heaven help me if a homestart volunteer came round.
We are cluttery. I know life would be nicer/easier if we weren't.
Feel for you.

[DialsMavis]

Hard to say, How messy is your house? one persons lived in can be anothers
filth pit!I think my house is clean and tidy enough, my best friend however would not agree...
When did you last hoover?
Is it dusty?
Was there washing up to do?
Are there piles of stuff everywhere?
Is there piles of clothes to be washed or put away?
How often do you clean the bathroom?

[naturalbaby]

doesn't sound helpfull does it?!?
doesn't sound like she knows you very well or has made an effort to get to know you if she thinks that's how you need to be spoken to. "you have no pride in yourself" is not supportive or constructive to anyone, let alone someone who has issues that need the support of homestart in the first place!

[TheCowardlyLion]

Hmmm - can't decide. It depends how messy it is, whether it's dirty as well or just untidy... Children don't need somewhere 'nice' (i.e. tidy) to live but they need somewhere clean that makes them feel comfortable and secure - if the mess is chaotic, it may be unsettling them.

I think aldiwhore has a really good point - that getting your surroundings under control can make a real difference to how you feel and may help if you are depressed.

I suppose - what would be the point of her if she is not trying to help you to make progress? My friend is a Homestart volunteer and her role is very much to encourage the person she is supporting to be able to manage without her.