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to feel annoyed that my homestart volunteer has lectured me over my messy house

(136 Posts)
sheepgomeep Wed 25-May-11 14:28:50

she is lovely she really is, she's been to the shop with my youngest two and she did my kitchen till its gleaming but she lectured me a lot on how I shouldn't be living like this (its not that bad just messy!) my kids need some where nice to live, why was I so stressed, i should have some pride in myself andbasically pull myself together

I was a bit shock and think maybe she shouldn't have been so blunt. She may have a point but she should keep it to her self right?

omnishambles Wed 25-May-11 14:30:32

God that does sound very blunt. Diplomacy lessons needed.

I dont think they are supposed to keep things to themselves though are they? has she tried softly softly before or is she always like that?

TheCrackFox Wed 25-May-11 14:32:59

You should phone up your local Homestart and ask to speak to the co-ordinator. she really shouldn't be lecturing you on anything.

aldiwhore Wed 25-May-11 14:33:38

Its not nice to hear, and it is only her opinion, but if she didn't say something it would be a bit wrong... I'm a naturally messy person but I got into a bit of a routine and my house is 'alright', still looks lived in (hate uber tidy homes) but Ihave to admit, the general running of the place is a lot less stressful now and that, in turn, means I am a lot more of clear mind, and a nicer person.

I'd be annoyed though, so YANBU, but I'd also have a real close look and see if actually she maybe right. If so, she's done you an unwelcome favour.

GypsyMoth Wed 25-May-11 14:33:42

has it worked??

has some of what she said rubbed off?

sometimes blunt is whats needed,but hard to tell from your post how harsh she was really

sleepingsowell Wed 25-May-11 14:34:56

I don't think she should keep it to herself necessarily - but she shouldn't make you feel crap, surely the point is to assist you and to ensure that you have routines/methods for coping as time goes on - if she lectures and you feel crap, that's not going to acheive the outcome she wants i wouldn't think. If it was me I would feel patronised.

sheepgomeep Wed 25-May-11 14:35:17

they are not supposed to judge, obviously if things are really really bad or there a child protection issue then they have to notify someone. Apparantly I've been told I need a kick up the arse hmm but as my house is just untidy and I have loads on my plate including depression I just don't need this

Flisspaps Wed 25-May-11 14:35:24

Provided your house is just messy and not a tip that's endangering your children's or your own health, then she should have kept her mouth shut.

There's being blunt and there's being rude.

MadamDeathstare Wed 25-May-11 14:35:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsCampbellBlack Wed 25-May-11 14:36:22

Hard to hear but perhaps she had a point.

Quite hard to tell someone to tidy up I guess - if she was too vague you may not have got the messaged.

Would one of the children perhaps have said something to her about the mess hence her comments?

cheesesarnie Wed 25-May-11 14:36:32

i have a family support worker to help/advice with my 2 ds behaviour.shes very blunt but we agreed at the start that we both had to be honest.she cant help me if im not honest and i cant help myself and my family if she pussy foots around a subject.
i love her honesty.

BerylOfLaughs Wed 25-May-11 14:37:04

IMO depends how bad your house is. If it's clean but just untidy, then fine. If it's dirty then you need to be told.

Flisspaps Wed 25-May-11 14:37:37

X-post with you OP.

Telling someone with depression that they need a kick up the arse and to pull themselves together is not lovely, nor is it supportive.

Call the Homestart co-ordinator and tell them what she has said, it sounds like perhaps she needs a little more training on how to deal with people!

MrsCampbellBlack Wed 25-May-11 14:37:43

Sorry you're depressed and I had/have no idea of what her remit is - thought perhaps she is there to talk about ways to make life better etc hence her 'chat'.

sheepgomeep Wed 25-May-11 14:37:54

she kept going on saying why do I have no pride in myself, why have I let myself go, then its not not nice for the kids grrr my dads anniversary is coming up next week i feel like shit

giraffesCantZumba Wed 25-May-11 14:39:10

was it helpful in anyway?

sheepgomeep Wed 25-May-11 14:39:22

My house isn't dirty, yes it needs a good tidy and things put away and i look a mess (i'm off to work later so that will be remedied)

I don't have dog shit on the floor or shitty nappies strwen every where etc

Brahbrah Wed 25-May-11 14:39:55

Is my mum your homestart volunteer? I can see her itching to tidy and clean my house whenever she's over, we've had words and she wouldn't dare now, but I do worry about her approach with the families she helps. From what I understand she's there to help you on your terms and shouldn't be lecturing you about anything!

TheVisitor Wed 25-May-11 14:40:53

She's not doing what she's trained to do, and that's support you. She's being incredibly negative and almost attacking you verbally instead of bolstering you up and helping you achieve. I do agree that she needs to go back into training! Definitely do call the co-ordinator.

BooyHoo Wed 25-May-11 14:41:25

OP i dont mean to offend you but is it possible that you are upset by this because she is right? is your house more than just 'lived in'? i ask because i have depression and for quite some time now, i haven't been coping. my house has gone downhill and i have been aware of this. i have the best intentions everyday to get it better but when my mum mentioned to me at the weekend i was furious with her. i denied that my house was bad and said it was just lived in. she is right though and i know she is. it does need overhauled and i think i am just so upset about teh fact that i haven't been able to do it rather than being upset at my mum for mentioning it.

aldiwhore Wed 25-May-11 14:41:27

If you did she'd probably have been more blunt.

If there's an element of truth in it, then I would simply shrug and agree and let it go... it depends how rude she was being.

Sirzy Wed 25-May-11 14:41:49

Maybe she was trying to give a "friendly push" and you - understandably - took it the wrong way?

2BoysTooLoud Wed 25-May-11 14:43:23

Heaven help me if a homestart volunteer came round.
We are cluttery. I know life would be nicer/easier if we weren't.
Feel for you.

DialsMavis Wed 25-May-11 14:43:59

Hard to say, How messy is your house? one persons lived in can be anothers
filth pit!I think my house is clean and tidy enough, my best friend however would not agree...
When did you last hoover?
Is it dusty?
Was there washing up to do?
Are there piles of stuff everywhere?
Is there piles of clothes to be washed or put away?
How often do you clean the bathroom?

naturalbaby Wed 25-May-11 14:44:14

doesn't sound helpfull does it?!?
doesn't sound like she knows you very well or has made an effort to get to know you if she thinks that's how you need to be spoken to. "you have no pride in yourself" is not supportive or constructive to anyone, let alone someone who has issues that need the support of homestart in the first place!

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