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Our baby has been NFI to all our weddings this summer! How would you address?

(374 Posts)
hellojude Wed 25-May-11 12:23:39

This is a tricky one...advice please.

We have been invited to a number of weddings this summer, however all of them have said no children. When I've check this inc babies. I've asked if we can bring our DD. Must couples have said sorry no, but if it's a problem let us know...confused Another has said a flat no sad
I fully understand no children at wedding as you have to feed them etc etc no babies....Yes it's their wedding but..WTF to me this seems unreasonable? Is it?

Our DD hasn't even had her 2 round of jabs yet. And whist I don't wish to miss any of our dear friends weddings, I don't want to leave her for 12 + hours. We don't have any family near-by and any friends who i could leave her (ie. godmother) with will be at the wedding too! And I'm not getting a sitter to look after a baby all day.

DH has said we can split the wedding, I'll go to my friends and he'll look after her and vice versa.
1) We are married and I don't want to go to a wedding without my husband.
2) We have a newborn baby and I don't want to leave her.
3) Everyone loves babies and IMO surely would bring great joy at a wedding smile

I really don't make to be 'that' person who makes the brides life a pain as planning a wedding is tough. I know I've done it. But should I make a stand and say, I'm sorry but I can't come without my baby??

Dam and blast it's tough, what would you all done / say?

TIA

p.s) none of these couples have children...I'm sure in a few years they will 'get it' so to speak.

worraliberty Wed 25-May-11 12:26:21

Yes, just don't go...I'm sure the Bride and Groom will understand.

Pssssst....not everyone loves babies you know wink

Flisspaps Wed 25-May-11 12:26:41

I think under the circumstances, you should send them all a regret card and wish them a lovely day.

Yes, it's their day - their rules (effectively) but I don't think it's particularly reasonable to ask a mother to leave a newborn child with someone else all day.

meditrina Wed 25-May-11 12:26:41

If you do not want to leave your DD, then yes you should decline the invitation.

I think it's weird not to invite children, but these inviters think differently and you're not going to persuade the.

LostInTransmogrification Wed 25-May-11 12:27:41

I just wouldn't go. I would explain to them that as you couldn't bring your baby you are unable to attend and leave it at that.

FabbyChic Wed 25-May-11 12:28:06

Unfortunately it is the bride and grooms right not to invite children, this including babies. You just decline them all stating you cannot go. You don't blackmail people.

Nanny0gg Wed 25-May-11 12:28:17

I'd decline and tell them why.
It may be that the bride is stressing about babies screaming the place down during the vows, it may be that there are lots in your situation and they don't want loads of babies there, and if you say yes to one it's yes to them all (plus possible siblings).

It's a shame, but if I couldn't get a sitter, I wouldn't go.

HappyAsIAm Wed 25-May-11 12:28:29

Its not a tricky one from my perspective. Just don't go. If your friends are that 'dear' to you, respect their wishes for their wedding.

CaptainBarnacles Wed 25-May-11 12:28:36

It's not really a tricky one, is it? Your baby is not invited, so you can either go without her, or you can politely decline the invitation. Anything else or you most definitely ARE 'that' person.

YABU, esp. for saying 'We are married and I don't want to go to a wedding without my husband.' Are you joined at the hip?

vinorosado Wed 25-May-11 12:28:54

Your husband has come up with a brilliant compromise. Why wouldn't you want to go without him? It is just one day

Not everyone does love or want babies at a wedding - sorry.

YABU to expect them to invite your baby.

GwendolineMaryLacey Wed 25-May-11 12:29:11

Don't go, I wouldn't. It's no fun going on your own and if you'd be anxious about her you wouldn't enjoy it.

I think child-free weddings are odd too but hey, their choice. But banning newborns just shows a complete lack of understanding. Their loss.

cheekeymonkey Wed 25-May-11 12:29:34

I think your DH has the best plan. You cannot do anything about people not wanting little ones - it's their wedding. If you really want to be there you will go alone, doubt you will be the only one.

Know it's a pain but suck it up!

BarbarianMum Wed 25-May-11 12:30:47

Agree with the others. Just because you are invited to a wedding doesn't mean you have to go. Just send a polite refusal.

hellojude Wed 25-May-11 12:31:53

FabbyChic I'm not blackmailing anyone! confused

ronx Wed 25-May-11 12:32:46

DFG

Don't f***ing go!

skybluepearl Wed 25-May-11 12:33:45

I have a BF and very quiet/laid back new born and wouldn't leave him even if formula fed. I have declined two weddings this year as they have been child free. Explained why to bride but don't think they understood at all. I imagine they will understand when they have kids of their own but I'm very hapopy to respect thier decision in mean time. Hubby still went as we had friends going.

nickelbabe Wed 25-May-11 12:34:23

I agree, don't go.

It is unfair not to invite babies to a wedding, especially as all your potential baby-sitters will be there!
I wouldn't leave my new-born either.

Decline, and in your reply, put
"thank you for your kind invitation, but DH and I are unable to attend your wedding as our newborn baby is too young to be left behind.
I hope you understand, and we wish you both a wonderful day and every happiness in your marriage."

Hammy02 Wed 25-May-11 12:34:26

"Everyone loves babies" WTF. How naive. Stacks of people aren't having children out of choice nowadays.

dickiedavisthunderthighs Wed 25-May-11 12:36:05

I've sat in weddings where babies have screamed the place down during the ceremony, during the meal and during the speeches. It's not much fun. Some brides/grooms are fine with the risk of this, some would rather not risk it.
It's a shame for you but not everyone loves a newborn, and ultimately it is their wedding and up to them what they do.
There are compromises there, or just don't go.

sumum Wed 25-May-11 12:36:23

I would not go in those circumstances, I also do not understand the no babies/no children thing but would definatly not make a fuss. A polite decline is the way forward.

Icelollycraving Wed 25-May-11 12:36:41

Yabu. Their day,their choice. They have made it clear & you asked them?! What wasn't clear?!
Not everyone loves babies for goodness sake. Perhaps they will 'get it' in the future (nicely patronising!).
I think for most people it is because they don't want children of any age being noisy during the service,having to be entertained or simply because weddings are bloody expensive although clearly a baby costs no more to have there.
How would you feel if you had a child of 1 which you couldn't bring but someone else brought a 6 month old? I think yabu to even question it.
Don't be that person,it's not down to you to make a stand! We aren't talking about anything that serious! Send RSVP saying your baby is too young to leave yet but have a wonderful day. If they decide they want you there with baby then the ball is in their court.
In the same way as it is all about the bride during planning,don't be a mum who becomes only about being a mum.

worraliberty Wed 25-May-11 12:37:01

I don't mind babies as such, I just don't understand why the OP thinks "they would surely bring great joy at a wedding"?? confused

GruffalosGirl Wed 25-May-11 12:38:09

I would go back to the couples who said no but if it's a problem let us know and discuss it in more detail with them.

We said no babies at our wedding and one of my friend's had a four month old. Once she explained she couldn't leave him for that long so wouldn't be able to come without him we said of course she could bring him to the day, just not the night. (It wouldn't have been safe at the night with that many drunk people around)

It honestly hadn't occured to us as non-parents that she couldn't leave him for that long. You might be pleasantly suprised, especially if they are close friends.

Potplant Wed 25-May-11 12:39:03

Its not at all tricky!

You've asked, they said no. Sometimes being a parent is a bit crap.

PanicMode Wed 25-May-11 12:39:34

Just don't go - either let your DH go, you go, or both stay home together. Having had 4 babies in 6 years there have been events to which our various numbers of children have not been invited; we've respected the host/ess' wishes and not brought them with us.

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