My mum has just put me in a really shit mood - again(53 Posts)
So she rings up and asks if I'm doing anything on thursday. I said yes, as it happens I have planned to go out with my DP as it his other day off in two weeks. She goes in a grump saying something about her wanting me to take her somewhere. I'm already giving up my friday to take her somewhere and this thursday has been planned for two weeks. She's not happy and makes it known. I think tough tbh, a few years ago she would actually PLAN stuff with me and then ring me that morning to say she was cancelling as her husband was off work and they wanted to spend time together. She did this often. When I ring up she doesn't listen to anything I say, just turns all conversations back on herself eg:
me - "ds was off school poorly today"
her - "what was up with him? oh btw, speaking of being poorely did I tell you about my stomach yesterday?" etc
She does this all the time too.
Another one was when I was telling her about the awful weekend ds had with his father and she interupted me saying "yeah well I can't get involved, its got nothing to do with me, last thing I want is him coming around here saying I've said stuff" why the fuck would he do that then? in the next breath she's waffling on about my cousin's marriage problems and I really couldn't be arsed, got nothing to do with me, I don't see them anymore - why tell me about them and more importantly, why is it ok for her to speak about that but not to speak to me about ds and his problems??
I was in an ok mood until she rang up I'm not being unreasonable, am I?
My parents do that. Any health conversations are swiftly brought back round to them - at length. I think they waffled on about their health for about an hour and a half on Saturday.
And I also hear in detail about people I hardly know, if at all, but they barely register anything I am saying. They are just very self absorbed.
I've started mentally going off into my own world and I don't go into too much detail about us any more.
You aren't being unreasonable, she sounds like lots of mums though.
I empathize - my mother does the conversation thing too and has since I was a child...it is exasperating. Not only will she turn the conversation to herself post-haste but will actually cut me off mid sentence to make a completely off topic point. I think she is just one of those people who is always waiting for their turn to talk instead of actively listening - makes it hard now that we are both adults to move to a more freindship based relationship.
Its nice that she wanted to take you somewhere but you've got a life too. Hopefully she will get over it and you can reschedule for a time that works for both of you. Your probably being a bit UR but since our parents usually help create our buttons they are efficient at pushing them too.
Is it age related? I ask as my Father has become increasingly self absorbed over the last couple of years. YANBU to be irritated by it.
Narcky... Do you actually ask questions of your Mum, how she is, what she's been doing and so on? I ask because I've heard several women complain that their mother doesn't listen and changes the subject and I've seen the same women do that to me. Some women can be very self-absorbed themselves, possibly related to having DCs, they often want to talk about them. You're not interested in your cousin, she on the other hand is and sometimes you just have to listen to a subject you're not interested in for the sake of the other person.
If you think you're not getting a word in edgeways, maybe take a deep breath and tell your Mum this. You'd probably only have to do it once.
When I ring her the conversation goes like this:
me - Hi
mum - "hi, how are you?"
me - good thanks, hows you?"
mum - oh I'm alright! today I've been shopping, hung the washing out, phoned tax - are you there??
me - yes!
mum - oh, phoned tax credits, called your grandma - oo there is a massive bee on my washing! I can see it!
me - umm hmm anyway I called to tell you I got the results back from my --
mum "oh it's gone"
me - what?
mum - the bee, sorry - you were saying?
me I got the results back from -
mum - oh its back! the bees are out early this year!
mum - so .... what you been upto then?
takes a deep breath got the results back from my blood test
mum - oh that reminds me! did I tell you I had to make another appointment at the doctor?"
you see???? you see???? argh!!!
Narcky - are we sisters . Except my mum does things like has a full chat with my brother - while she's on the phone to me,and he lives at home with her and doesn't work so is in her house all day she can chat to him then
She rings me to ask how the dog is
"How's your washing machine" she'll ask "Fine" I say"why shouldn't it be"
"well it's a new one, i wondered how it is "
hang on I'll ask it it's not a new one I've had it 6 months"
"Oh well I was just asking, you're very quiet where is everyone"
"erm, at school"
"oh how's the dog, has he pooed today"
These are in inane conversations I have on a virtually daily basis with my mum. Somtimes
20 more than once
Yes! Mine do it too.
Everything is about them and the doctor. Hours of it.
pmsl!! sounds so much like my mum! my sister still lives at home and some phone convos between me and my mum go like this:
mum - "hi! just called to see how you are?"
me - "i'm --
mum -- did you eat all your dinner
me - what?
mum - "No sorry, I was talking to your sister, what were you saying?"
me - I was just saying im --
mum "why do you still feel ill?"
me - ill?
mum - sorry I was asking your sister, she doesn't feel well - what were you saying?
sigh i'm fine, thats what I was saying.
mum - oh good -- good --- why whats wrong now??
me - eh?
mum - was just asking your sister, she still doesn't look well
FFS EITHER SPEAK TO ME OR HER
Sister is 18 btw, not 5
My mum's OK but gran seems to glaze over when any of us talk to her, and you have to make your sentences short as she butts in after about 15 seconds to talk about people who we've never met. But then she manages to relay all the info we've told her that day to the rest of the family within an hour of leaving her, so she must be listening really!
Glad I am not the only one listening to pointless conversations about people I have never heard of the vast intricacies of the layout of their house - that was this weekend, why the hell would i give a toss about some ransoms house, boring boring! That was my MIL?
From my Gran I get her having a three way conversation with me, my Mother and herself, I put the phone down on her the other day because I think she was drunk - whilst that's fine I do not want pointless 3 way conversation with someone supping Bailys!
Gosh typing errors I mean randoms and Baileys. Stupid iPad, I can spell really.
Narcky - I can beat that, my brother is 36 .
He's as bad though he talks to her when she's on the phone to me.
Anotherr thing she does is, if someone comes to the door and there are other people in the house to answer the door she goes off to see who it is, and then tell's me
"hang on a minute, it's the door,DB's away to answer"
Me - "so I was saying........
Her "i'm going to see.......ooh it's Bill. i wonder what he wants,X(brother), x, what's bill doing here,ooh really aah well go and see......"
ME "will I call back"
Her "no Bill si here and I'm wondering what he's wanting, actually he's her to see your step dad so I'm go to go and see what he wants"
pmsl ok what about this one:
"hold on, Jeff is home from work, I'm just going to let him in"
me - "doesn't he have a key?"
"well, yes but he forgets to take it, won't be a minute"
"I'm back, so what were you saying?"
me - "I was just ... "
"You ok Jeff? you look tired ... I won't be long on the phone then I'll make you some dinner"
me - "shall I call back?"
"oh here we go! you always think I'm rushing off the phone!"
me - "ok, so I was saying "
"won't be long Jeff ... .... sorry, you were saying?"
My mum is a bit like this. Mind you, she's always been self involved. I think what took the cake was when she rang me the day after I'd fallen down the stairs at 22 weeks pg to "see how I am."
I didn't get a chance to actually tell her because ofcourse, she launched straight into a very long moan/rant about how selfish her sister is being (I've heard this all before btw, it's not new).
After a full 10 minutes of ranting I calmly pointed out the irony of what she was saying and hung up. I got a full 3 days of utter peace as she refused to speak to me.
Loving the drunk gran tale CheshireDing! This will definitely be me when I'm 70.
Loving this thread. My mum insisted on telling me a detailed story about my sisters's friends's husband job the other day. When I pointed out I didn't know either of them she was offended and said I was being boring ! She is always telling me about her friends children when I have never met the friend e.g. Mrs. So and so's daughter had a miscarriage. She also repeats things I tell her to my sister but with parts of the stories exagerated or made up!
Would love to have a mum to get narky with - sadly she died last month
My mum totally changes my stories to make them less impressive:
I passed my driving test
My mum told everyone I had applied for my provisional she swore she thought it was the same thing
I got into uni to do a degree
My mum told everyone I was going back to college - "gcse's I think"
YANBU We tend to hear about how wondeful some DMs are, not how totally insensitive they can become once they deem us 'grown women'.
I constantly feel AIBU that I want to scream down phone at my own DM
Thanks Helenin - I didnt post because I wanted to ruin the thread - It has made me laugh (and cry at the same time) when I think of all the times I got so frustrated with her and some of the things she would say....especially her ability to talk about at least 3 things at once and never actually finish one of the threads leaving me brainfuzzed. I just wish she was here to talk nonsense utter rubbish at me that's all.
Narky-I love it! MyDM used to rant on for aaages and the say "are you THERE?"
My DM has a habit of not asking questions, but making statements which are usually wrong, so that I disagree, and am then told off for being negative. I think all old people become self-obsessed (memo to self..) and even monumentally important pieces of news from our side have little impact
I've got to congratulate you on your sense of humour, Narcky... your Mum is well and truly on her own little planet and can't fathom anybody else's doings.
I think you're either going to have to tell her straight or every time she starts, stick your fingers in your ears and sing 'La-la-la... I'm not listening'... or something childish like that.... or just do as you are already, switch off.
Vent on here instead, tell us all the things you were trying to talk to your Mum about.. we won't interrupt you.
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