Very brief background: my brother got divorced when my neice was about 8 and has been a shit Dad ever since particularly since his girlfriend has been on the scene. DN is 17 now & knows full well her Dad has effectively choosen his girlfriend over her & how useless he is - they see each other every few months at best despite living a few miles apart & that's usually when we go to visit & arrange a family meal. DN has also distanced herself from our parents as they fail to see the problems & DN she got sick of hearing crap like 'what a great Dad you've got isn't it a shame you're mum took you away from him'
So, we met up with my brother last week & found out he got engaged a few weeks back & is planning a big 'adults only' piss up wedding in Ibiza next year. I don't know whether I'm more shocked that he hasn't told his daughter he's engaged or that they would choose to get married & actively exclude their own children (she has 2 girls age 14 & 16). When I asked my bro when he planned on telling DN he got all shirty & told me to butt out as did our parents 'he'll do it in his own time' . A week later she still didn't know so last night I ran DN's mum to ask her opinion & we agreed she'd tell her. DN later texted "thx for telling me love u" so I'm happy I've done the right thing by her, but my parents & brother have hit the roof saying I had no right, it's none of my business etc
So, AIBU in not waiting for my brother to telll his only child he's getting married?
I think your neice has had the wrong end of the shitty stick for so long, you did do the right thing. Your db had spread the word already that he was getting married, how did he want her to hear from an old lady down the road? You treated your neice with respect and consideration which is more than your brother has done... tbh wht are you bothering what he thinks?
My dad didn't invite his (adult) kids when he remarried. We've been largely excluded from their life since as well. It's miserable, being the offspring that gets ditched when a new partner comes along; I feel sorry for your niece and am glad she's got an aunt who cares about her feelings at least.
YABU: OP doesn't say the news is already all over FB or the neighbourhood - the only people who have been told are the parents and siblings, in private and with an explicit request not to tell the daughter.
It's one thing for you to keep on at your DB to make sure he told her in a timely and appropriate way. You might not agree with his choices - but it's his wedding, his daughter, his news, his timings. I don't like how he's going about this either, but that still doesn't make any part of it yours to tell.