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To suggest indirect contact

(13 Posts)
Sarahmac26 Mon 23-May-11 12:58:06

quick bit of background dd 2 years old not seen dad since she was 3weeks old has never paid for her he was sent to prison he has been violent and threatening towards me, stole car, smashed up house, smashed up car,threatened to kill me, threatened to take daughter. All reported to the police found guilty and charged with harrassment several times, criminal damage x2, stealing car, drink driving.Been in prison currently doing community service, probation, alcohol treatment, has a restraining order etc. Currently taking me to court for contact am going to oppose contact but say indirect contact

knittedbreast Mon 23-May-11 13:00:01

i dont know what indirect contact is but he hasnt shown much good parenting in her short years. i think you have reason not to want him to see her. maybe say if you stay out of trouble completly for 6 months, get a job or at least some stability and then maybe more contact? then he has something to work towards and to keep on the straight and narrow?

Sarahmac26 Mon 23-May-11 13:04:45

Indirect contact is things such as letters cards etc. Not that she's ever had any of these never sent a xmas birthday card. I was thinking of saying indirect contact till he can prove he has changed

WowOoo Mon 23-May-11 13:11:37

Well, I would think they would agree with you.
Can't you speak to a solicitor about this? Suggest what knitted has said.

Needs to prove himself a bit more committed first.

GypsyMoth Mon 23-May-11 16:03:19

whatever you propose is just the starting point. his sol willm look to build on it

what does your ex actually want? what is he asking for

Sarahmac26 Tue 24-May-11 09:44:31

Just says contact with his daughter, doesn't say nothing specific just that he hasn't had no contact and would like contact with his daughter

YellowDinosaur Tue 24-May-11 09:59:53

See in general I'm all for dads having contact with their children and mums not being able to use the fact they don't like them / have differing views on parenting to oppose that. Prison for non violent crimes shouldn't necessarily be a barrier to this either.

His behaviour however is in a completely different league to this. For him to have anything other than very closely supervised contact would be a danger to her. And to put you in contact with him could be a danger to you.

What would have happened if he'd been lone parent and been put in prison for this kind of violent and dangerous behaviour? He may well have lost his child anyway if he didn't have family to look after her and possibly even if he did.

Get yourself a solicitor now. Indirect contact is the most he deserves unless he can show clearly and over time that he is sorting himself out and would not be a danger to her or you.

Sarahmac26 Mon 13-Jun-11 10:00:52

went to court the other day, he turned up tracksuit, cap trainers and no solicitor. judge had to ask him to remove his cap and he has no representation which i think is a good thing hopefully he'll give up. were back at the end of the month he has to write a statement explaining his previous behaviour and why he opposes the name change

SardineQueen Mon 13-Jun-11 10:10:29

Good luck sarah smile

itisnearlysummer Mon 13-Jun-11 10:13:51

I would want to agree to no more than indirect contact.

This isn't about punishing him for not being the man/dad you'd rather he was, it's about you protecting your child from someone who is clearly not someone you'd choose to have your child around if she weren't his daughter!

He sounds like a charmer, btw!

Sarahmac26 Mon 13-Jun-11 10:17:26

Thanks
Ooh he is blush god I was soo embarressed to have ever had a relationship with him

OilySnatch Mon 13-Jun-11 10:24:39

Good luck. Indirect contact sounds great. Have often wondered whether I was wrong to allow my (2 yr prison sentence for violence) husband contact with the children, although it was supervised and arranged through a third party. At the time I was obsessed with the idea that they had a right to a relationship with him but of course he was only ever intermittently interested in having a relationship with them. It is very difficult.

SardineQueen Mon 13-Jun-11 10:45:17

Hey shit happens smile We've all had relationships which were somewhat inadvisable!

Looks like he doens't have it together at all so I'm sure teh court will go with your (very sensible and actually quite generous on the face of it!) wishes.

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