Crying toddler and whiny neighbour - what to do?

[GeekLove]

Right i have a 2mo DS and a 2.6yr DS. Now DS1 had a miserable time teething and did wake him up and he complained which was not surprising although there isn't much we could do about it. Now DS1 has a summer cold and has been waking up but nowhere near as much as last time and it's only been 4 nights in the past two weeks.

It turns out thaty neighbour phoned my DH to complain that DS1 was keeping them awake at night and it was affecting their work. I am a bit surprised not least that they did not speak to me who is at home most of the time. Also I'm not sure what they are expecting since we live in a terraced house and have another DC and they haven't suggested anythig we could do either. TBH I am surprised at this since they have a DC of their own although she is 18.

So AIBU to not do anything on top of what we are doing? We do not leave DS1 to cry in case you are wondering.

[sleepingsowell]

Nope - YANBU if you don't leave them to cry. There's nothing else you can do is there? You're seeing to them when they wake and that's all you or anyone could do.

the neighbours are being absolute arses.

We're in a tiny terrace, too and for literally YEARS the little girl next door used to have the screaming ab-dabs for a good hour at bedtime, usually kicking off just as DS had started to settle. But it's just one of those things. I wouldn't have dreamt of complaining - it's not as if the mum could have stopped her dd crying, I mean if you could, you would, wouldn't you!

Just ignore the neighbours. They're being silly.

[HattiFattner]

ALl you can do is move the baby to another room, away from theirs.

[mrswoodentop]

Ridiculous,i despair.I would ignore them and if they complain again sympathise but ask what exactly they suggest you do about it.Perhaps you could draw on their clearly extensive experience of one child 18 years ago .How do they suggest you stop an ill child from waking and crying in the night?What are they living in a terraced house if they are this sensitive

[killingTime]

Ignore - they have probably forgotten what small DC are like.

My neighbours complain if my DC speak quietly in the garden - ffs their grandchildren screaming and playing musical instruments for hours and hours or before he move out teenage sons late night parties and of course it what the problem.

[Bumfuzzle]

I think I would say very sorry that they are being disturbed and I would be very interested to hear their solutions because I haven't yet found a way to stop small children and babies crying but I will certainly try anything they can suggest. so if they could give me their ideas, I am excited to hear them. Their daughter is 18 so clearly they solved the problem of how to stop children crying and it is so lucky that they live next door to me so that they can share this amazing secret.

Then I'd stand there with a lovely expectant look.

Which is probably why I don't have many friends

If you want to be nicer then you could say sorry that they are being disturbed, you are sure they remember how small children can be and you will continue to do as much as you can to comfort your children when they cry.

[JanMorrow]

You could post some ear plugs through their door..

[GeekLove]

Well it turns out that DH did fork out £100 on soundproofing board. Which turned out to have been the final tipping point on a shitty day for me.'it might work but it's the principle of the thing.'Id rather the money is spent on us and the DCs and not on satisfying whiny neighbour. Still if he whines again I can REALLY give him both barrels about his passive aggressive round-the-back behaviour.

DH is lovely but despite my best efforts would apologise to someone who punched him in the phase for hurting their hand. That was what upset me the most.

[hairylights]

There isn't much you can do. I wear ear plugs at night due to whiny whiny toddler next door. Your husband is being very considerate.

[microserf]

same problem, we just ignore the neighbours. it's life in a terrace. i don't complain about your parties, you don't complain about the baby. since my neighbours breached this sacred covenant, i ignore their opinion about noise.

[northerngirl41]

You need to do everything you can to stop them being woken up - and explain that to them. Ask them where their bedroom is, move DS to different room, install soundproofing/carpetting/put duvet on walls etc.

Everyone has the right to peace within their own home - if you are the problem then you should be making the effort to minimise it.

[posterofagirl]

Take them some wine, tell them there is nowt you can do but you are sorry they are being woken up.
Makes it really hard for them to whine anymore and you can enjoy the passive aggression feeling like the better person.

[DoMeDon]

How about they move bedrooms?

Post them ear plugs.

Then ignore - ridiculous!

[troisgarcons]

GTBH - I wouldn't moan about it - but Jeez - having lived next door to screaming kids - it does affect your sleep and ability to function at work ... I just got through the 'teething' with the thought that it would eventually finish.

It did.

Then the trampolines started and the shrieking

When they got past that it was the teen parties in the shed ..... oh happy days

[spidookly]

"Everyone has the right to peace within their own home"

No they don't.

[GeekLove]

We have the parties in the shed alright...that's five doors down whenever the weather is fine.

[Triggles]

"You need to do everything you can to stop them being woken up - and explain that to them. Ask them where their bedroom is, move DS to different room, install soundproofing/carpetting/put duvet on walls etc. "

I can only hope this is sarcasm. Otherwise you have GOT to be kidding! You cannot utterly disrupt a small child - moving him to a different room and such, especially when ill - simply to appease the neighbour. The neighbour is an adult, and as such, should have the common sense to realise that these things happen and the less they bitch about it the happier everyone will be. Noise carries in joined housing - fact of life. If they can't handle it, perhaps they should acquire earplugs. Teenagers making noise is one thing that can be handled relatively easily by most parents - infants and toddlers are quite another.

[northerngirl41]

Triggles - I bet if your neighbour had a really annoying yappy dog or insisted on having their TV turned up full volume at 4am you'd be the first to complain - of course people have the right to enjoy their own homes. If you're causing the problem, it's up to you to fix it, even if that involves cost or disruption.

[spidookly]

"people have the right to enjoy their own homes."

No they don't.

What does that even mean?

If you can't enjoy your home if you ever hear any noise from your neighbours then either move far away from all other humans or realise that you are NEVER going to enjoy your home because you are a cunt and everyone hates you for your constant unreasonable whingeing.

[northerngirl41]

I believe I am going to be able to evoke the "swearing loses the argument" rule there spidookly - if you truly can't live in harmony with your neighbours then you should be the one to move, but most people expect the volume of their neighbours to be at ignorable levels - not waking them up at night. It seems to be that the OP is the one who is causing the problem here.

This isn't a neighbour just whinging for the sake of it - the norm is that people hate complaining about noise (don't believe me? search for noisy neighbours threads on here and find lots of examples where the neighbours put up with all sorts before complaining). I reckon that her neighbours are mortified at having to complain but can't ignore it as it's affecting their work.

[bonkers20]

For how many nights has DS1 been disturbed? Perhaps they complained to your DH because they realised you were run ragged and would be upset? What exactly did they say to your DH?
TBH, when I've heard a child crying that isn't mine, I've just been bloody thankful that I can roll over and ignore it, but then maybe that delight wears off once the kids have grown up a bit.

[BagofHolly]

Bit different but during my finals I lived next door to a HEYUGE rave DJ (showing my age!) and I thought I would go out of my mind. He was very nocturnal, had speakers as big as a car, and at full tilt it felt like the house might fall down. But actually he was really nice (due in no small part to the shedloads of ecstasy he was dropping) and we both rearranged our furniture so that the bulk of it was against the dividing wall, acting as a sound barrier. It worked remarkably well. I do think that attempting to look like you've made some effort to accommodate his whinging goes a long way, and moving the furniture is free.

[Triggles]

northerngirl41 actually one of our neighbours DOES have a really annoying yappy dog... dreadful little white fluffball that rarely is quiet. That's life. I try to tune it out. My DS2 & DS3 can be rather noisy as well. It's all part of living close together. I see no point in complaining to them - it's not like they're doing it on purpose.

[springbokscantjump]

I certainly don't think it is up to Geek to move her ill child around to accommodate the neighbours. Music/parties is one thing because you can control the noise. If it was as simple as your neighbours seem to think it is to stop a baby crying, half the threads here would disappear overnight.

They spoke to the dad because they are embarrassed and knew that a sleep deprived mom of a sick child might tell them to get lost. I'm sure if it was that disturbing they'd bloody sleep in a different room or put in earplugs. This makes me thankful that my neighbour has a young child too.