Father who self harms- should I be worried?

[loulabella81]

My 6 month olds dad is wonderful to his son and makes such an effort, even though we arent together. However he has had a problem with alcohol in the past. He rarely drinks now, however he went out last weekend got very drunk and admitted to me that he cut himself up his arms, as he felt down. He said he used to do it when he was younger and hadnt done it in years but thought it may helpf him feel better.
I have tried to be supportive and said he can talk to me about anything. However I am slightely concerned about leaving him alone with our son. Am I being a totally over protective cow or do I have a point? I must add, he is a good guy.

[thisisyesterday]

the clue is in the name... self harm

he won't hurt your child

[Yukana]

What are you concerned about, Loula?

As someone who has self harmed in the past, I can say that it was something that other people found difficult to understand and something I didn't want them to judge me for. I was not going to harm anyone else, and from the sounds of it your DC's father isn't doing it regularly or for attention either.

I think it's fine to be worried about , but honestly I wouldn't worry about your little one. I do not think he would self harm again and if so - he doesn't sound like the sort of person who would do it in front of anyone, much less a child. In fact, most people I have known who have self harmed in the past or present do not do so with others there.

[manicinsomniac]

No,shouldn't be worried. I am a mother who self harms and would never lay a finger on my daughters nor let them see evidence of what I choose to do to myself.

Your son will be fine with his dad with regards to the self harm. I might be a bit concerned about the alcohol though

[WobblyWidgetOnTheScooper]

Self harm is utterly, utterly different from harming somebody else.

Please don't let him know you were worried about this, it will make things worse for him. Just be there for him :)

[redexpat]

He wont hurt your son, but I'd keep an eye on him as mental illness is always tough to deal with, especially for kids. If it was just the once then I would try not to worry.

[loulabella81]

I hope I havent offended anyone. I was more thinking about his state of mind at the moment, that he would do something like that. By no means suggesting he would physically harm our son. thank you all x

[loulabella81]

....he must be pretty low to be doing that :(

[izzywhizzyletsgetbusy]

YANBU and you're not being an over protective cow either.

Whilst self-harming is not an indication that your ds may come to any harm while in his father's care, you need to keep a watchful eye on his alcohol intake

manicinsomniac no matter how much we believe that we have successfully hidden something from our dcs it can be the case that they are only too aware of what's going on when they are in bed/at school/with others etc. Please believe that in saying this I'm not wearing judgey pants and I sincerely hope that you have access to the help/support you need to stop/control your self-harming.

[SpringchickenGoldBrass]

Well a 6 month old baby won't notice or understand self-harming marks. However, as others have said, it's not a good idea for him to be in sole charge of the baby if he is getting pissed. Also, it would probably be a good idea to talk to him gently about getting help for depression, for his sake as much as anyone else's.

[loulabella81]

He has never drunk or been drunk around our son. I wouldnt allow that. And he had given up for a year. He never said he was an alcoholic but he obviously had a problem with the booze. He has only recently had a alcohol filled night on his birthday and on one other occasion. But if he has had a drink problem, obviously he is prone to that behaviour again. Am I wrong to expect my babys father to do his best to be a positive role model for his son! I am doing everything I can to be a more positive role model. And im sorry but I feel if my sons father has a drink problem and self harms-- it will have an impact on our son!"

[loulabella81]

p.s I understand no one is perfect but I think once you have a child you need to control certain thinks. Ie. if you have a drinking problem- dont drink! if you self harm when you drink- dont drink! I understand parents may have depression and other issues, but its how you deal with it that affects your children. not the depression/issues themselves.

[Ryoko]

He's not going to do anything to your son, in fact he may well be a great father because he will put a lot of effort in due to thinking himself to be worthless if you see what I mean.